Is Child Spanking Ok ?--By Glen D. Williams

Though not a parent myself, after a couple decades of observing, helping and counseling young adults and families, I've come to the conclusion that discipline is sadly lacking in both parents and children. New diseases and drugs have been invented to control behavior problems that used to be controlled by spanking. Spanking is now regarded as violence no matter what the behavior of the child. So, what do you do when reasoning and time outs don't work but you don't want to drug your child? This article will examine when child spanking is OK, even necessary, for the safety and training of the child.

Why Would You Spank A Child? The purpose of spanking is training, not punishment, and never to vent anger. For their psychological well-being, children need to know there are firm boundaries they must not cross. For their physical safety, they need to know it's important to obey their parents. You can't reason with a child who is determined to run into the street. This is where a firm boundary must be set, and pain can be a tool for sound training to save the child's life in the future. There are many such boundaries, which must be set early in childhood, but once set, need no further explanation. Open defiance should always be answered with an immediate spanking.

Also, for parenting success, the child must know when to listen and obey. In situations where several attempts have been made to communicate and the child refuses to listen, a spanking will get their attention now and in the future. The most effective method I've seen includes a verbal countdown to the actual spanking (1-2-3). Once the child knows a spanking is coming when you get to 3, you rarely get there before the child listens and obeys. Every parent knows their children will test the boundaries they set, so, for the training to be successful, the boundary must be firm, and crossing it must always result in a spanking. No exceptions no matter how it makes you feel as a parent.

At What Age Is Child Spanking Useful? Spanking is only useful at the early ages when children are too young to reason but need to know to obey. Usually, spanking will be necessary by the time they're two years old and required quite often from two to three. If you've ever tried to reason with a two-year-old, you know why spanking is a valuable tool. If you've chosen and enforced your boundaries well, the need for spankings will steadily decrease from three on. From three to six, it's good to begin phasing into time-outs and restrictions as children begin to understand and control themselves. This is also a great time to start catching them doing the right thing and praising them for it...a very effective tool you'll use the rest of their lives. After they turn six, spanking becomes much less useful than other discipline methods, like reasoning, time-outs and other restrictions.

When Is It OK For You To Spank A Child? For a child to learn discipline, the parents must discipline themselves. This means not spanking out of anger or frustration. Out-of-control parents will never have controlled children...just abused children. Remember, spanking is training. This may mean spanking a child even when you think the defiance is cute or entertaining. They'll try to be cute when they're testing your boundaries. You spank a child for open defiance, refusing to listen or crossing a safety boundary. Spanking is most effective within a very short time after the offence, because children have short attention spans (one minute per year of age). Immediately is best, so they know exactly what they did to get the spanking. No one but the parent should ever spank the child unless they fully understand the parent's boundaries and conditions and have permission to spank.

What Is Appropriate Spanking? The idea of spanking is to train by inflicting pain without causing injury. That's why God made bottoms...a very cushioned part of the body that's still quite sensitive. Striking with an open hand until you see tears, is usually all that's needed. Pinching a finger-tip can work, as well, but the ceremony of bending the child over to get to their bottom makes this a more rational and disciplined approach, and requires less pain. Striking the other parts of the body or using belts, switches, spoons or paddles is unnecessary, abusive and cruel. Remember, the purpose of spanking is training, not punishment.

If a parent is disciplined and methodical, spanking is not abuse or violence. In fact, spanking can can eliminate child abuses, like screaming in their faces or calling them names, or worse...ignoring them and letting them run wild. If you spank your children to teach them to avoid danger, to obey your instruction and to not be defiant, you're showing them love. Discipline is probably the hardest work of parenting, but if you do it early and consistently, it can save you and them far more difficult times in the future. Proper boundaries set early in life can improve the child's self-esteem, education and help avoid adolescent and young adult train wrecks. That's why, contrary to current popular opinion, spanking is an act of love.

PS: An attorney friend recommends I tell you to check with your local child services agency to see if spanking is permitted where you are. Many localities consider the practice child abuse and may take your children away if they are found to have been spanked. Thank God we're too old to have kids.

Glen Williams is Webmaster for Way2Hope-Help With Family And Life Problems, founder of E-Home Fellowship (EHF), Co. He has been helping people with family and life problems full-time since 1989. You can comment on his articles at Way2Hope Family Life Forums.

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