I Was Lost

Luke Chapter 15:11-32 is the popular section of the Bible about "The Parable of the Lost Son." I was trained to think in our subject on biblical interpretation during my seminary days that a parable has only one central message. But I often hear preachers who preach from parables with multiple emphases. So I told to myself, maybe it is now time for me to deviate from the usual standard set by textbooks in approaching a parable.

When I first preached from this specific section of the Bible some years ago, my emphasis was on the love of the father instead on the younger son who was lost. In the passing of years, particularly when a crisis shook my marriage and my family, the way I look at the Bible was changed dramatically. Just recently, I revisited the passage again and this time I saw myself. Before, I always see myself in the person of the father as someone loving and gracious willing to accept a repentant son. But this time, it's different.

I saw myself in the person of the older brother. I realized that emphasizing the lostness of the younger son is actually missing the whole point why Jesus shared this parable in the first place (Luke 15:1-2). 

It was the older brother who was really lost here. It was him who got angry when his repentant brother was received by his father. It was him who was actually lost for people like him, like those Pharisees and teachers of the law, judged in their heart and in their words the graciousness of Jesus to associate with "dirty sinners." The older brother did not see himself dirty. He felt too righteous to be compared to his younger brother. But in reality his heart was far from his father. Even though he did not separate from his father physically just as his younger brother did, but in reality he was far distant from his father than his younger brother. 

The older brother though a son, saw himself as a slave. The older brother could not feel the heart of his father. The older brother could not share the joy of seeing the return of his younger brother. The older brother could not feel the love of his father for his younger brother. If this is not lostness, then what is it?

I thought to myself, I have been faithful to the Lord for all these 25 years in the ministry. I have been attending church services consistently since I was 19. I have served several local churches. I have been teaching in seminaries and bible schools. I have been been giving my tithes to the Lord faithfully. Even though my prayer life is not that consistent, at least, I have been praying still. 

I did not realize that for too long, I have been lost. It is a kind of lostness, which is more deceitful than when I first came to know the Lord. I knew then that I was a sinner. But after becoming a Christian, I have not realized that I have replaced Jesus in my heart with something else, with someone else. I replaced Jesus with my love for pastoral ministry. I replaced Jesus with my love for theological education. I replaced Jesus with my wife. I replaced Jesus with financial freedom. I replaced Jesus with my concern for the future of my kids. I realized all of these when I lost everything. For so long, I am not myself. I lost myself when I replaced Jesus. 

When I lost everything, that's the time I gain everything. When I lost all things that I considered precious, that's the time I see Jesus as my greatest treasure. When I lost my "heavens," that's the time I experience "Where Jesus is, 'tis heaven there".