Ok, thanks to everyone who's helped me open up and still helping me.
I'm tired of a condition I have...shy bladder.
I'm afriad I'll get made fun of. I'm afraid I'll be rushed (despite there's other stalls). I'm afraid I'll hear a knock...meaning "get out, it's my turn." To open the door and see the person's face...And if they wait they can see me since the doors have cracks...
:sighs: I want this fear to end. I want to take Jesus' hand and not be scared anymore.
For some reason...the fear is the reason faith is so difficult in this situation. And, this fear is one reason why I have trouble healing. It's possible I could start a healing process if this problem was gone. My heart may not even be as hardened if this problem leaves, it may soften.
I know it sounds silly. But, I'm afraid I'll get made fun of...To the average person would be thinking "No one will laugh". But, it's been put into my brain for so long that someone may laugh...I don't know how else to think.
It goes back to when I heard laughter that day in junior high...May God have mercy on them. She/they acted like I was stupid...talking to me like I was stupid. "What's your name? Do you even have a name?" Than I heard laughing...
I know I need to give my burden/s to Jesus....this stupid anxiety and fear is in the way...please pray.
Comment
Brother Jasper, could you please pray? I think Jesus wants me to give Him this burden soon, praise God!
Thanks brother for trying to help. The Holy Spirit is showing me I can trust Him. Jesus will take me by the hand (Amy Grant's Thy Word is a comfort right now though to hear). Jesus will guide me home. And, if that means falling down (going through very difficult times such as this) He will pick me up. He knows why I have trouble and I know He's very compassionate. This situation is larger than it has been made known.
I'm not sure how to change...so I know I have to go to Jesus. His compassion is larger than this situation and my problem. He understands. He knows things about this situation I can't put into words right now too well.
I want to... How do I choose...
I know I don't have a strong faith...this fear is bondage. I don't want to fear anymore. I want to just get on with my life and not be scared...Something just seems to happen when I hear footsteps or hear people talking...or when the fear comes "It could be any moment...
When I was in elementary I don't remember even caring...it started in junior high.
There's still a problem...I should have put it. I physically can't go (unless there's extreamly rare occasions) when I'm scared. I want to but the fear...Honestly, I'm probably hurting myself physically because of it...
There was one occasion. There was a girl from special ed in the restroom at school. I wasn't scared because I knew I wouldn't be judged (although I was scared another time with someone from special ed).
Jasper, a leap of faith? Ok... Jesus healed people back than. Well, I hope He can heal my condition...
God bless you
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