I've learned

There have been many things
In my life that I've learned.
Some I didn't have a choice,
Some I learned by accident
And some things I had to
Learn through pain.
I've had my heart broken
And I've watched my world
Crumble beneath my feet.
I've had accomplishments
And I've had to make sacrifices.
I've lost my sanity at times
And other times have been so clear.
I've lost and gained friends,
I've gained and lost enemies,
Some people I lost in ways
That scarred me the rest of my life.
Some people have left their marks,
And some I believe will be there forever.
I've been stabbed in the back,
I've gone through fake loves
And I've gone through pain.
That made me want to die
I've heard "I love you"
And "I hate you"
Sometimes from the same person.
I've heard "I wish you were dead"
And I've heard "you should be dead".
I've made fake smiles,
And had late night cries.
I've been promised things
That have never happened
And some never will.
I've had times where I knew nothing,
And I've had times where
I knew what to do but was to affraid.
I've been angry, and jealous,
I've been terrified, and suicidal.
And at times I've even been
So happy that the moment was perfect.
I've had my ups, and my downs.
I've had my wins and my loses.
I've had my fights, some that will stay with me forever.
I've had my times where I've made
Absolutely no sense at all
And I've had my times where
I've made perfect sense.
I've been confused,
And I've been smart.
I've made my bad choices,
And I've had my choices that I would repeat.
I've been anti-social,
And I've been a social-butterfly
I've been depressed to the point that I wanted to die,
And I've been glad to be alive
I've had my fair share of sins,
I've also had my times of selflessness .
I've had times when reality hit me hard,
But I've also had my times when
Reality was a million miles away.
I've been in love,
I've hated people,
I've sought revenge,
And I've begged for mercy.
I've been a hypocrite,
I've blamed someone else for something I did.
I've got caught up in my past
I've hurt myself and others around me.
I've kept secrets, and didn't trust when I should've,
I've also trusted people who didn't deserve it.
I've changed because I've had to.
I've changed because I wanted to.
I've changed to survive, and then
Regretted that choice.
I've lied to others,
And I've lied to myself.
I've been bitter because of my past experiences.
I've carried baggage for many years,
I've put up with things that I shouldn't,
And I've had times I didn't stand up for myself.
I know I'm not perfect
And I don't claim to be.
I've done many things that I
wish I could take back,
And I've done things that I
Would do the same in a second.
I've learned many things in my life,
One is to live today as if your going to die tomorrow.
The second is to tell people how you feel about them.
Third is to do today what you want done before you die,
For tomorrow is not a guarantee,
It's not even a promise, it's a hope.
I've also learned that even though you may hurt today,
Time will heal your wounds,
You may not believe that
But what hurt you yesterday,
May give you strength tomorrow,
God always gives you something better in time.
I've also learned that in your life
If you're just another copy, no one will remember you.
Be original, be yourself,
Because there is only one you,
Just like there is only one me.
I've also learned ( the greatest lesson thus far) turns out the only thing I ever needed has been here all along. Surrendering ones self completely over to the will of God is sometimes hard to do, but oh the peace that he gives. Today I am no longer enslaved to the torment of my mind. Today I walk on the promises, love and mercy of my lord Jesus Christ. There is no trial that he doesn't help me through, and I thank him for the ones I had to go through in order to learn.
Lisa Barnhart