I now realize fear and being bullied wasn't the only things I locked up inside...

I also locked up a passion that I would eventually forget about.

I was like 8 or 9. It was the 2nd grade. We went to some kind of Carnagy museum or something like that.

Anyways, it had a whole bunch of stuff. I remember hearing that we couldn't go into the big machine unless we paid for it. I think someone ended up paying for us and we got to go in it.

We got to sit down. It was dark except for a screen. They took us on a tour through the human body. The thing I remember the most though is being guided through the intestines[I wonder if that's why I think the intestines is one of the most interesting parts of the body....I wonder of that had a part in it). I don't remember any other parts although I know they guided us through other parts of the body as well. I remember Mr. K. [he taught us in 2nd grade] explaining that's what your intestines look like to us. I was so fasinated by what I was seeing!

The thing is I don't remember ever coming home and telling my parents how fasinated I was with what I seen at the museum. I had a dream though about the human body. I remember a tiny bit of it but not much. I know though when I woke up I was creeped out. I thought I was going crazy or something. So, with the passion I locked up I silently put it away and eventually forgot about it.

That was like probably sometime in 2000 or 2001. Well, like 9 years later, sometime in 11th grade, we had to figure out classes we wanted for 12th grade. I remember sitting in my enviormental science class. I got a list for classes next year to pick from that would be labled "Science". I picked Anatomy. I also remember another class I picked when I was looking was "Nursing".

I started learning about the human body in Anatomy [1st semestar 7th period, 2nd semestar 8th period]. At first we did stuff like cells and later bones. Not my favorite parts of the body but atleast it was anatomy. Combine that with 1st period Nursing [for both 1st and 2nd semestar nursing was 1st period].

I wasn't as crazy about 1st semestar. We did mainly notes [although we did use microscopes which I had trouble with and we did use plastic bone models]. I liked 2nd semestar better although she was much stricter[like with the restroom]. We took notes but we also watched videos and did some other stuff. We got into stuff like teeth. I remember doing we were on the digestive system. I really messed up the intestines. We were suppose to make a paper model.

Well, I got out of school in May of 2011. I thank You Jesus that You got me through that...by Your Grace dear Lord.

I think it was probably that Summer I found the model of the plastic brain that was packed away. I didn't pay too much attention to it at first. I went looking for it later on. That's when I got interested in models and studying anatomy.

Now I'm interested in studying anatomy.

I admit I took advantage of the tooth. God even made the tooth so complicated though. I'd love it if Jesus would get the praise and glory. I mean if somehow I could bring Him glory and praise for studying anatomy/teaching others. After all He's the One who created the human body to begin with.

:sighs: Since I'm remembering back I might as well get this off of my chest. I don't know how much but I've got atleast a little Cherokee in me. I love my heritage. I love looking at pictures of indians,horses and stuff like that. Amazingly did you know despite how it's thought indians had pagan gods [which alot did] there were some who actually believe in the true God? Like it wasn't a small thing. Alot of Cherokees believes in the true God.

There was Cherokees who sang hymns on the trail of tears like this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUPkSGhcw1k

One of my favorites is Amazing Grace in Cherokee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAb4bhnQ6aI

Anyways, I was remembeing back to junior high. Some bullying was because of the Native American thing or atleast had something to do with it. I need to talk about it so I don't have to have it bottled up right now.

My friend told me how she hated indians. I told her that if she hated indians she hated me. I think we were in 7th grade. She said that wasn't true. 

 The big one was in 8th grade. I was in homeroom, my first one [I'd later have to go to another one because my friend would be in that homeroom and she was new to the school so she needed someone she knew.] They liked us reading books. So, I got a book on Native Americans. I was reading it. This one girl I knew since we were like 3 tried to take my picture. That was a BIG mistake. This would be class humilation # 1. Class humilation # 2 would happen later on in Math class but for another reason [it involved something completly different]. And yes I think the teacher told her to not take it or erase the picture or something.

If there was anything to know about me in junior high it was this. Don't take my picture...I highly didn't like it.

Anyways I freaked out. So, I hid behind the school book. I remember having the book to cover my face.

"Is she still hiding behind that book?" I heard one of the students ask.

Sean [pray he finds Jesus] said something to me. "I don't want my picture taken because it'll steal my soul." He said it in a real taunting voice.

As a 14 year old I was exploring my personaility and what worked and what didn't as a normal teenager. I was reading up and I guess I kind of thought that taking my picture would do something like that. My ansestors were wrong. For taking a picture doesn't steal your soul. I know the real reason why I didn't like my picture taken though...

I thought I was ugly. I didn't like seeing myself in pictures. Ever since 3rd grade [that's when my hairstarted to have a "poof" explosion] until sometime in high school I really wasn't very pretty. In 9th  my photos [I remember only a few] weren't too ugly. But, I got my photo redone in 11th grade for ID cards [had no choice,they made us]. And it wasn't very pretty. My picture went back to really not looking good. From 12th to now though I'm not as ugly as I used to be. Now I'n mainly just plain looking. If your wondering about 10th I don't even think I got a picture taken unless it was a school picture. That was mandatory anyways.

Thank you for letting me say that. You don't know how good it feels to finally release that. To tell others how I really feel about how I look...I know it shouldn't matter how a person looks...it just feels good to finally say what I just did.

I probably won't freak out if someone takes my picture now though. And the reason I can have poofy hair and be Cherokee [since you usually see them with long straight hair] is because my grandma on dad's side was 100% Italian. I have hair like hers. I seen a picture of when she was a little girl and we look so much alike when she was that age to when I was little. I got the hair from dad's side [and possibly my other grandma, mom said she has curly hair] but you can tell there's a resemblence to being Cherokee by the cheekbones,like I seen in my grandpa's picture [mom's dad]. Except you could really tell with him. Me not so much but it's still there. Darknen my hair to complete black [it's close to ether really brownish black/tent of red] and straighten it and you'd she more of how I'm Cherokee.