I'm starting to understand better

I think I understand why I have a hard time talking to anyone about the cross.

I haven't really ever had any deep and serious Christian fellowship with anyone face to face. When the once a month [and some times a month would be skipped depending on the whether] Christian club at school,Alethia,took place...that was a gathering but nothing really ever deep such as studying the cross. I don't even have that now since I graduated over 2 years ago.

I have known the JWs since the Summer of 08. A little over two years before Jesus even saved me. And I guess ever since than...By how they talked about the cross...it has made me fearful to ever talk about it. Stuff like "Would you wear an electric chair around your neck if your mother died in one?"

Mom has brought up the electric chair [I think she may have also said a knife another time...that may have been Lynda who brought that up though] thing in the past. She has gotton nervous and changed to channel at times when people talked about Jesus' death.

Despite the JWs don't seem to come around anymore [Lynda throws watch towers over the fence since she can't open our gate we got last year] I think talking about that for so long has had an effect on me. I've read about people online defending the cross and brothern overseas who has defended the cross. But I've been taught in person only to be scared to talk about the cross. Not really anyone has taught me in person to defend it. How can all that time of being taught to be afraid to speak about how He died for us/the cross...how can all that time be erased? It's all I know from being taught by people in person. How can that be changed when there's no one in person who will teach me how to defend the cross and not be fearful to talk about it?

That really helped me. I really needed to get it off my chest and now I'm starting to understand better one of the reasons why I have such a hard time talking to my parents/relatives.