I'm numb right now...

Ok, I read a comment from LT. He's right. Only God can save them...it's up to Him.

There's so much going through my mind right now. I feel like I could cry. I'm scared.

I don't have any other Christians to talk to about this outside of the internet. If I was still in school than...despite knowing the obvious persecution...I could have talked to atleast one of them.

So, much is going through my mind...

"It's not fair,why can't I have brothern to tell this too whenever the persecution starts?"

"Why am I so alone?"

"What's going to happen to mom...the family?"

"Why can't I have atleast one person (face to face) to talk to?"

Such thoughts are wrong...my faith is weak.

I really feel like I could cry. I guess one of the biggest problems is....once I'm "ready"(is that even possible...) to witness than I'll have to leave this forum. I have to since internet contact is connected with talking about the JW in a different way than they'd like. And, if they found out stuff I've said than they'll just view it as persecution...that wouldn't go well.

I guess one reason why I wanted Jesus or an angel to come visit was because I need someone I can see and hear...

I really want to atleast see an angel...since I need contact with someone who understands (not in a bad way of contact, just if Jesus sent down one of His angels....)

My heart is breaking right now. Things seem so lonely.

I'm not strong, I'm easily intimidated....but yet again that's where the Holy Spirit reminds me of 2 Corinth. 12:9...

Someday we'll see each other in heaven...

From listening to "If You Only Knew" by Randy Travis but sung by some young lady online and hearing the sound of my own heart beat...

I know God has a purpose for all of this. I just want to get whatever has to be done overwith...and than I finally get to go home, and be with my Best Friend.

I know I'm not much of a person. My body is fragile and so is my spirit...I can get overly emotional as well. Intimidation can really effect me. I don't like loud noises, I may cover my ears. I'm not good at talking on difficult subjects. And, if I'm really nervous I stutter. I have to have glasses or my sight will be really difficult (I get blurred vision without glasses). Yet, none of tha matters when it comes to 2 Corinthians 12:9...don't go by feelings ether...

I want to be with my Shephard...

I want to tell them the gospel. I hope God gives them eternal life someday...

Right now it doesn't seem that scary, if a 500 pound sumo wrestler picked me up and slammed me. Sure my heart would be racing but compared to possibly denying Jesus and seeing my mom destroy herself...and this family could be destroyed as well...the sumo wrestler doesn't seem as scary. I'm more scared of spiritual consiquences than physical...

Please pray for my family, friends and the JW...and that I don't deny Jesus no matter what.

Lord Jesus take my hand until I meet You on the other side... 

I thought I felt someone grab my hand. It feels so warm like someone's holding, do you think that's Jesus?