I finally understand. Praise God!

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Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 5:59pm

Now that I recall I wasn't always in Mrs. S's class. There was some other lady in another speech room. Mom was concerned about that room because there wasn't any windows. And if there was ever a fire, how would we get out? She wanted me to swallow a ball to help me speak. Mom wasn't too happy when she heard about that. I think that's when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade.

Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 5:57pm

That's why I like blogs and being able to open up to brothers and sisters online. :-) I can communicate fine online. It's just it's much harder when I have to look the person in the face. If you've ever seen my youtube videos you may be able to tell I've got a problem verbally trying to explain myself. It's even harder in person. Actually, I've had problems with speech like my whole life. I was in speech therapy for most of my elementary school years. Not sure when I started but I know I finished all the way through the rest of elementary in Mrs. S.'s speech class. I seen a video of when I was 9. It sounded like I was 5.

 

I started to stutter in 11th grade. I tried to hide that for embarassement. 12th wasn't as bad although I still had trouble with certain words. I don't stutter like before. Although there are still those times certain words can really give me trouble. That happens randomly so I don't know when the next time it'll happen.

 

 Thanks for the encourgement. :0) And yes Jesus is my Strength. He gets me through this. 

Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 1:46pm

You know how you're not suppose to shout around someone with autism,right? Because they can't handle it for the sound is magnified. They'll cover their ears [actually that is something I've done as well]. Think of me in the same situtation. I can't handle shouting,yelling or even have a hard time with others talking loud.

 

I've never been diagnosed with autism but I have the clear signs. Arm flapping,spinning,rocking. My  system magnifies things around me [like it's painful to be too close to a lamp] ,my communication skills are not good.

Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 1:39pm

That and another part of my testimony has to deal with the Deity of Christ. Mom gets upset if someone says Jesus is God. That means her voice gets louder. And that'll cause me to withdraw/I shut off and can't keep talking. That and I know,sadly,she refuses to listen even if you say it's in the Bible [about the Deity of Christ]. That's why it's best to pray and wait for her to bring up the subject. 

Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 1:34pm

Praise God though!

You see I found out why I have had problems talking to my parents. I know if I bring up about that I was suicidal they'll get louder in their voices out of concern. I remember I told mom in 8th grade once that I was suicidal. Her voice got louder and she was quite upset. I can't handle when peoples' voices get too loud. I may withdraw into myself. I shut off and can't keep talking to the person talking too loud. I don't want a repeat of 8th grade [I'm not suicidal now but mom will still be quite upset if she knew]. That's why I don't talk about it with them. If mom couldn't handle that when I was in 8th grade, she surely couldn't handle knowing in 8th grade I did self harm and attempted suicide atleast once. If she couldn't handle one thing,she wouldn't be able to handle even more.

Comment by feet breath on May 8, 2013 at 1:26pm

I'm not sure if I had my hearing tested when I was little or not. My parents have thought before that I have excellent hearing. When I was trying to sleep and dad was in the livingroom I'd used to ask way to much for him to turn down the t.v. It's better now because I'm in another room.

 

Don't feel bad. :-) I've went into the bathroom and just sat there and talked to Jesus before. I guess that's why I like night time so much more than during the day. It's so much quieter. It's like I don't take in one sound at a time. It's like I take in mutiple sounds at a time.

Comment by Mary O on May 8, 2013 at 11:38am

Have you had your hearing tested? I can hear a cat walk across our carpet, and I swear I can hear a dog whistle. I used to cry when my mother ran the vacuum but have overcome that now. I turn our tv volume way down to like a 4 and can still hear it. Some of my senses aren't normal. I'm a strong sensory person and sometimes I do a sensory overload. I understand what you're talking about.

I seek quiet and solitude within. Used to be when I got home from work, everyone would let me relax for 1/2 an hr. No one would bug mom until the quiet time was done. I could see them waiting and stowing up the questions. Earplugs are good too.   :-)   Maybe read the Bible or a positive book for a few minutes. Okay, don't laugh, but sometimes I sit in the bathroom for a few minutes for quiet. Who will follow you into the bathroom? There's a few quiet zones in every house.

Love,

Mary