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I finally understand. And now I can start to heal

I've been so confused. I didn't understand. I thought my parents knew he was a child molester. That confused me though because why would they let me around him if they knew he was one? I got my answer before I went to bed. I searched online and found the term that matches what has happened; adult grooming.

I have been recently asking questions to my parents.

Grooming. He groomed my parents. I was asking stuff like how he acted and stuff like was he mean? Both said he was a nice old man. Mom said he really liked me and would never hurt me. No,I didn't ask her if he ever touched me but that shows he sucsessufully groomed them both. Grooming by making them think he was really nice. He was very generous with money and took mom and me places.

I'm not sure who told me but I found out a long time ago that he looked at me in a sexual way. Well,I remember first meeting him. We got here when I was three. I asked mom and she said he came over here immideitly. So,I guess right after we moved here he started coming over. He died on June 12th,2000. I kept thinking he died when I was 6 or 7. I did some research and found out he died on June 12th,2000. Three months and three days after I turned 8. I think about how if he looked at me once than it happened more than once. From 3 to 8 [not sure if he went into the hospital/home when I was 7 or had already turn 8]. He and mom would watch Jepordy on the porch. I'd play. I remember he'd sit and wait on the bench for us on the porch as I got home from school [mom came and got me and we came home on a transportation bus, I didn't take a school bus in elementary]. And he'd look at his watch and tell us we were late.

My parents both said Joe,Betsy's dad, was supposed to have said the old man touched Betsy,his grand daughter, when she was little. They told me that recently. Joe had to of said that after the old man died. I don't think my parents believe that though [I was asking stuff and was told that is what Joe told my dad] because they still think he was a nice old man. If they believed that they obviously wouldn't still believe he was nice.

I seriously wonder if he ever hurt me and I don't remember. From 3 to 7 [or 8,depends when he went to the hospital/home]. I wonder if he hurt me anytime between than. I know it would have been easy. Especially if mom went to make coffee and I stayed on the porch with him. I assume I didn't go in every time she did.

It is now possible to heal.

This song helps me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sojGsivMok

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Comment by feet breath on August 26, 2013 at 8:47pm: Thank you very much Kay. You're a blessed woman of the Lord. :)

Comment by Miss Kitty on August 26, 2013 at 7:52pm: I love you and am here for you. Most of all, Jesus loves you so much and he knows what youve been thru and how it has affected you. There are no coincidences with him, he places people along our path to love us and identify with us, so know he placed us together on this site. I have told my pastor if anyony ever comes thru the church doors, that has had something like this happen to them, to call me so God can use me to help. My pain is not invain if I have helped 1 person, I've served my Lord. The word says, he makes the crooked paths straight and that he does. Ask him for Godly wisdom and knowledge over this and he will give you whatever you need. I pray for a healing in the name of Jesus rite now. Father I praise you for this woman of God, do a mighty work in her from the top of her head to the soles of her feet, fill her up with your spirit and bless her Lord as she journys thru this, in Jesus name kay

Comment by feet breath on August 25, 2013 at 3:14pm: Thank you Kay. I'm sorry for what happened to you. :-(

Yes,grooming has the seducing spirit. Dad wasn't around as much as mom because of work. Dominick took mom and me places. I remember he used to like to go to the park. There'd be benches to sit at. The problem was he'd like to sit and watch the people at the pool. You see there's a pool right below the bench area where people can watch. The scary thing is I know kids had to of been there. I also remember he liked to play golf. It wasn't the adult golf we'd go to,it'd be the kids golf area.

I remember atleast once he took mom and me out to get pizza. Also,he was very generous with money. Also I remember once he took mom,Sean [my friend when I was little] and me to some kind of food store.

I forgot about the cat. That is until today. I don't understand. How could I forget about that cat? He got me a little plush Halloween cat. I found it today. It had on the tag; to [insert my first name] from:Dominick. Sept. 6th,1997 I started to feel guilty after seeing that cat...But I know what he did [looking at me in a sexual way] was wrong. I want to say he only looked once at me sexually. But in reality I know that isn't very likely,if at all,possible. If he did it once,he did it more than once...

I wonder what I don't remember [like the black cat plush]. Since I don't recall how he treated me. I remember some flashbacks involving him. A few things what he liked [going to park,eating fig newton bars and liked those round hard candies that can be yellow or red and white striped]. But how he treated me I have no memory of. I really wonder if he hurt me and I don't remember.

Mom told me awhile back that he really liked me and would never hurt me. I was asking questions about him but not if he hurt me. He groomed this whole family.

Comment by Miss Kitty on August 25, 2013 at 2:47pm: I was abused by soeone in my family and someone who worked for my Dad. I never said anything about mthe family member, didn't want my Dad to kill him. I was between 6 & 9. I did tell my mom about the man working for my Dad, she flipped out, thought she was angry at me and it was my fault, kids do think they are at fault, that's why parents have to be soooo careful how they handle it. My parents called the police and a dective came out to question me, by that time I just clamed up to scared to talk. Then raped at 15. To top that off my kids dad abused me knowing these things happened to me. Yes, I've been thru alot, but God had a hand on me, without hi I couldn't have survived some of the things I've indured. There is hope in Christ and these sick individuals are very good at sedusing parents into thinking they are nice. Parents are not only in denial but need help also . They call these seducing spirits. Understand its tuff because we feel our parents are to protect us but even they are human and get caught up in seducing spirits. The devil is to blame for these things, he comes to kill and destroy and he is very cunning and deceiving. God knows our every hurt and is right there for us. He will bring us thru these horrible times. These are the very things he takes and uses our most painful times, so many times he has brought a young woman into my life who's struggling with this type of thing. You identify with it you jnow what they are feeling and going thru. You can make a difference by sharing how the Lord Jesus brought u thru it. Even in our pain we must praise him because only Jesus can take something so horrible and use it for his Glory!!! Amen kay

Comment by feet breath on August 21, 2013 at 2:16pm: Thank you Janie. And I think I may start to understand why I have been hurting for so long.

It's going to take time to heal but the Lord is patient.

Comment by ribbon on August 21, 2013 at 1:37pm: Its good you can start to heal Feet. Its great... thank you for sharing the song video.. I have never heard it.

I finally understand. And now I can start to heal

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