I CONFESS

For the past few months I have been absent for which I sincerely apologize. Some of the reasons for my absence is due to discouragement, depression , illness and spiritual illness. I have been struggling esp. with my spirituality. I must admit I am very discouraged, frustrated, and very tired. To some extend this has been brought on by my work (with homeless men), spiritual decay as I see it in the Lord's church. Another reason for my condition is my own failure as a child of God. I have failed God by turning my back on Him and His will. To add to all this I am experiencing further illness and am being sent for tests to see if I have cancer. To my surprise I am not so concerned about this (not to say I am NOT concerned) as I am about my relationship with God. I do not request so much as for physical healing as I do for spiritual healing. I confess I am not as committed and dedicated to God as I should be. I don't want my possible illness to be the motivator that is needed to bring me closer to God but rather the realization that I need God, for without Him I am nothing. I want so much to be right with Him (is that the right phrase?), to be covered with His blood, love and forgiveness. If there is one thing I want more than anytrhing in my life is to be with Christ for all eternity.  I confess I find it very difficult to attend worship services because I am not spiritually satisfied. It has become too easy to be critical, to see the negative rather to worship in spirit and in truth as our Lord encouraged us to do. I confess to a lack of Christ-like love for others esp. for those less fortunate than myself and for those more fortunate than myself. I confess I have turned a blind eye to the needs, whether physical, materialistic and spiritual. I confess I am a procrastinator more interested in anything other than what I need or should be doing. I confess I stand in need of forgiveness, encouragement and prayer support.

Skypilot (Edward)