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"Happiness is knowing someone cares."

My parents and I went up to the mall. My mom took me into the Hallmark store. I got to pick out a few Snoopy things. :)

Anyways, one of the things I got was a plush Snoopy. He's holding Woodstock,giving him a hug. On the inside of the tag it reads "Happiness is knowing someone cares."

I can relate to that. When someone cares it really helps make us feel better. I realize so much of my life it hasn't seemed like people cared. And you know what they didn't. Not everyone but some people. I lived through it [the bullying] long enough to develop very low self esteem and I think I also now have PTSD.

Like today. Sometimes I cough but I hack often. Mom and I were in a food store. I started hacking[ not like coughing but making a weird sound from the back of your throat]. I got a sudden flashback. I remembered Ryan, I remembered junior high.

I forgot all about this. But after hacking I remembered. I know he was doing something mean, not sure if he was mocking or what. I remember he used to do that hacking sound. It wasn't because he had a cold, he just did it.

That's mixed around with being told "Shave your legs", "wax your eyebrows" and they wanted my hair straightened. Ryan is thrown in there somewhere with the other people. I'm not sure why he did it [although I think he was probably mocking ether my friend or me] I just mainly recall his face and that noise.

Anyways it's true "Happiness is knowing someone cares." When you finally know there's people who care there isn't as much fear. And most importently Jesus cares. I hope He thaws me out some more and that He will help me heal.

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Comment by feet breath on November 10, 2012 at 9:13pm: And I was in the children's room when I was 2. I remembered before about playing with the doll house but didn't remember where the flashback took place. Mom told me where it took place though. That's how I know I was in the hospital that my pappy was in.

Comment by feet breath on November 10, 2012 at 9:11pm: I know He is getting me through this. It's just going to take time...After all I've been holding things in for atleast 17 years. I remember some things before I was 3 but they are mainly just flashbacks and not really too much details. But, I do remember details from 3 onward. I remember laying in bed between my parents. I thought I seen that teriffying Halloween decoration in the doorway. I know it could have been a dream but it seemed so real...I ether never told my parents that thing teriffied me or I mentioned it to mom when it wasn't as bad/didn't bother me at all when I was older.

Here I am 17 years later...So much has happened since that night. Thankfully He is pacient...very pacient. It's like He is holding me while I cry inside. There's so much pain though. In the process of healing there's gonna be pain and sorrow.

I wonder what went wrong. I have such strong desires for my old home that I moved from when I was like around 2. Sure life had it's moments there but for some reason I miss my 1st home. I also miss my pap pap...He used to live with us in our old home. I have a memory of the other relatives who died when I was young but none of him. :( I remember when I was in the children's room at the hospital where he was at. I was playing with this really fun [I think it might have been fisher price] doll house. I don't remember him though...

"Happiness is knowing someone cares."

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