Guilt

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Comment by feet breath on May 5, 2012 at 8:24pm

Sister, I want to have that faith. It seems like so much is surrounding. I can't talk to anyone around me (except God of course). But, I can't tell any person face to face...This hurts so much. If they were just allowed to think for themselves and not told to...if they didn't have the organazation do their thinking for them.

 

I apolijize for being so...:sighs: I know I can be annoying. I feel like crying.  I have nobody I can tell this to in person. It doesn't seem to matter what is told too much to a JW...even if I could just tell them the gospel. But one mention of cross or bodily resurrection and they'll spiritually retreat in fear. Than I'll be given a watchtower lecture or something and I'll be tounge tided not being able to say much more.

 

They'd find out I'm in Christendom...I'll be labled as being used by Satan, hating Jehovah and His people...They'll turn mom against me and anyone who doesn't turn JW (unless they can convert) in my family against her. Once she's baptized...she's in even bigger trouble. The only association will be JW people and potential converts. As for me...who knows. I'd be in enough trouble if they find out I'm trying to get help...but if they knew the whole truth...

 

:sighs: I don't understand why I was even born. I really don't want my parents to see me cry. If they did they might find out the problem-and that must not happen.

 

The pain in my heart right now...Jesus sees the hurt. I had to go splash cold water on my face so they wouldn't notice a few tears.

 

:sighs: Please pray the Lord sends a really good listener who won't go blabbing to other people...I need someone I can see (no offence to anyone on here) that will listen...

 

If it be by the Lord's will maybe He will send one if His angels that I can see, one that will talk to me and listen..like the show I seen a long time ago Touched by an Angel or Highway to Heaven. It'd be even better if I could see Him....

 

Oh, how I miss when I could talk to someone in my old church...even someone in Alethia, a Christian group in my old school. 

 

I know God doesn't make mistakes....I just don't understand. i've pretty much always been a looser. And now this... It hurts not knowing what to say.

 

I hope God can use me in a way to expose the lies...no matter what it takes out of me.

 

I'm living in fear and confusion. I want someone who I can trust who will hold me and let me cry on their shoulder.

 

I know I can go on and on about the same thing...forgive me for that. I just need to tell someone (blogging better than nothing). If I don't I'll hold it in and I don't want that.

 

I pray I get to see Jesus or an angel tonight who will talk to me....to tell me it'll be ok. He's let me see an angel before, I know if it's by His will He will let it happen again. if it's by His will and I pray hard enough an angel will show up.

 

I'm tired of shy bladder, torment from Satan...I'm tired of so much. I seem so worthless...

 

I know what the organazation is capable of. I'm not of much use in the emotional state I'm in to help.

 

My heart is shattered right now. I's love to crawl into a crawl space, or somewhere dark and just stay there awhile...

 

It'd be different if they didn't run the risk of cutting her off from society...

 

Forgive me if I've grieved anyone...