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Forgiveness??

In 2001 I was diagnosed with Major depression, anxiety and PTSD. I spent three years in and out of a hospital trying to find a reason to live. Six years ago, I found God again in my life. But even after this, my family (mother, brother, and all other relatives), decided that my depression could cause my children to grow up depressed and they took them from my home. My twin daughters were 16. They left my son who was 18 because they stated he was already lost to them. I continued with my medication and therapy and got back into my bible and church and have completely turned my life around and am living daily for my Lord. My girls and I have great relationships still, as do I and my son. but I cannot forgive my family. I have prayed and prayed. I even wrote letters to them giving my forgiveness for all of the hurts and abandonment I felt, and apologized for anything I might have done while sick. but we were all together recently for my daughters wedding and they woudln't even look in my direction or speak, and when I actually saw them again after all thsse years, all I felt in my heart was hurt and anger. It was everything i could physically do to remain in the same room as these people. I should also explain I don't think they have ever liked me. I was a tom boy and now a paramedic, not a teacher like my mother wanted. Nothing I have ever done, even when raising three babies alone, going to church weekly, and attending school full time, was ever good enough for her. I don't want to be truned away from heaven for not forgiving them, but I can't seem to do it and I am still praying and trying to humble myself to Gods will. Anyy suggestions? I know I will never have a famiy again and if it were not for my kids and the grace of God I would be alone in this world. I thought if I forgave them eventually the feelings of forgiveness would just come into my heart but they have not. thanks Autumn

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Comment by autumn stacey fontenot on July 5, 2011 at 8:22pm: Thank you for that. I think you are right, it is hard for me to accept that at any time I was unable to give my babies what they needed and I resent that they did. I am praying and will do all that you have suggested and I know God will heal me. thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me. It really is helping!!

Comment by autumn stacey fontenot on July 5, 2011 at 6:19am: Thank you to each of you for your comments. I was so unsure of how to FEEL the forgiveness but because of you guys Im starting to understand. Im going to pray every morning for God to take away my anger and to keep me from even dwelling on those memories. I hope you are right and God will put those right feelings in my heart so that next time I see my family I can smile, shake a hand and feel the way God expects me too. It is just so hard to do and Im such an emotional person when it comes to the hurt in my heart. Ive even thought maybe it was my pride standing in the way. but Im praying and hope you will all pray with me!!!! Thank you so much!

Comment by Carla on June 29, 2011 at 3:00pm: Dear Autumn,

Whenever I am tempted with unforgiveness, God shows me and reminds me quickly how He has forgiven me. We are all sinners...and we are all depraved. When we are born again, and God has adopted us into His new family, we are forgiven and free.. This is a very magnificent thing.. All sin is rooted in pride. The thankfulness we have towards our Saviour needs to compel us to love and forgive others. If they continue to be abusive etc.... this does not mean to hang out with them.. but set them free of their wrong doing. Know that God is the ultimate Judge, and He will Judge Justly. We can't judge justly, because there is no way that we can know every tidbit/detail of a persons life. God knows these things that we can't know. When it is hard to forgive...confess of that and repent.. and begin to pray for them. Ask God for the ability to forgive, and trust that He hears you.. because HE is always faithful. God will bring you to the point of forgiveness.. When we stand firm in unforgiveness, it brings anger, and anger gives a foothold to the devil. When we stand in unforgiveness, we are actually obeying satan rather than God. Ask God to give you the desire to forgive.. He will help you.

Blessings, Carla

Forgiveness??

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