Faith and God's love for me.Please read.

Let me start by telling you about my childhood.I was abused in every way by my Dad. I can remember it from the time I was 6 til I was 12. I can remember at age 6 him being arrested for it but, when it was time to go to court they did nothing.I can remember swearing to tell the truth on the Bible. I also remember how my neighbors was suppose to be Christians and did nothing when they saw my Dad beating us with his fist but just turn their backs. They never once called the police or tried to help.I also remember at age 12 him be arrested and going to jail for violating his parole which was drinking.Wow put him in jail for that but not for beating are raping his kids.
I hated God and Christians and never wanted to hear anything about him. I would knock the hell out of anyone or cuss them if they try to witness to me about my life.Well I grew up had 3 sweet kids,whom I love with all my heart but I was still hurting deep inside and I felt alone. So one day this man my husband knows invited him to play soft ball. But we had to attend church at least once a month. That was to bad I thought.Since my husband wanted to play I went. I remember laughing at all them people and thinking they was whacked and that they was Jesus nerds.But I still went with my husband because he wanted to play ball.Then 1 Sunday after services the preacher told me God loves me and wanted me to be in his family,that if I didn't I was going to go to hell. Well he had done pist me the hell off at this point! Where the hell does this old man get off telling me something like that he knew nothing about my life,So I told him that if there was an hell I had already lived it and survived and far as God loving me that I don't believe in him so it didn't affect me,Boy! Did I turn out to be wrong.iI went on for a few more months,then 1 Sunday I remember the Preacher he was talking about abuse children and how their souls get lost(he was talking about me and knew nothing about my childhood)So how I ended up at the alter and I was crying( we got beat if we cried growing up) not just a regular cry but a sobbing tearful cry for help. I wanted God to love me like he did everyone else.I wanted him to heal me from the deep emptiest I felt inside.I need his help and love and he gave it to me.I was there still at the alter after everyone but the preacher had left. I can't explain how or even why but I felt like my heart was healed.I felt Jesus put his arms around me when I was at the alter and felt his love for me.I did not want or needed his love but some how he revealed it to me.I was at the point in my life even with 3 children that I was going to take my life.I was so tried of feeling the way I did.He saved me. My faith comes from living a life that was full of a life time of hate and angry and emptiest and now I am am free from it. Life is not a bed of roses.But I do know he is always their for me and he did give his life for me.This is my reply about faith. Also listen with ur heart sometimes and not always ur head.Also my friend he will reveal him self to you,but not on ur time,but when you at least unexpected.