Church Life.....

Last Thursday, I was asked to speak at a presentation given to our presbytery about life within our church. I spoke about what lead me to Church and life in our Church, in what seems to be a worship recession. I hope you enjoy reading...

Our vulnerability when we are children leaves us completely dependent on our caregivers, we are unable to feed, clothe and protect ourselves, we live our lives at the mercy of others and their influences on us affect the way our lives are shaped.(and) At some point during our early years we all faced some kind of trauma, whether it was in the cradle crying for milk or losing our first pet, and initially it may have seemed like our whole world was falling apart, but lullabies and a warm bottle or a new puppy all helped soothe our sorrows and take away our pains. What happens though when our trauma is prolonged and there is no quick fix to our situations, what then?

For me the physical trauma I endured ended when I was twenty two years old, but the mental aspects lived on, I was left in a deep depression, with very low self esteem. I lead a chaotic lifestyle, self harming and living on a cocktail of alcohol and drugs, I was the most anti dependant, invulnerable person I have ever come across. At the age of thirty one and after years of counselling, two accidental near death experiences and contemplating what would have effectively have been the murder of my daughter and my own suicide, something had to be done. I had explored every avenue, every avenue except one, an avenue where I thought I’d never be welcome....the Church....God for me had always been real, we just hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. You see, I thought the Church was only for perfect people, for those whose lives were blemish free, and that certainly didn’t include me.

But after a meeting I had with our minister, I was encouraged to come to church, she was so confident that Jesus would help heal me, and apparently Christian friendships were different to any I had formally had. I was cynical, not about Jesus but about the congregation. I had watched these people go to church for years and from the outside looking in, I was nowhere near their league.

What I found though was completely different to what I had perceived. I didn’t find people who claimed perfection, I found broken and needy people, people just like me, people who needed Gods grace. These people though were also set in their ways, each week, my daughter and I were welcomed with open arms, unless of course, we sat in some ones seat. I soon learned that I was fourth row from the back. With the teething problems over and regular worship, I began to see God really work in my life, I was progressing, changing and growing, I was finding out how exciting the gospel was and how important Christ’s sacrifice was to me. Two thousand years ago Christ was ridiculed, tortured, made to carry His own cross whilst being hissed and jeered at by thousands, then finally He went through an agonising death by crucifixion, and He did it out of love for me and for you, and for the people in my Church and yours.

But let me share something with you that I really struggle with, if you turned up on a Sunday, you might be tempted to wonder if our congregation had heard the end of the gospel story, you know the part where prophesy is fulfilled and the Son of Man is risen, its such fantastic news that mankind has been celebrating it for over two thousand years. Our congregation has to know the truth, it should be as fresh in their heads as it is in mine and yet there seems to be very little excitement amongst them, and sadly they seem to be complacent about the good news. I am not by any means saying that any one of our congregation is not committed, what I am saying is worship on a Sunday seems to be on par with going to asda every Friday, they do it because it has to be done.

We sit under good teaching, every week there is the unfolding of scripture, there is the application on how Gods word is still relevant in today’s busy modern lifestyle and we are always shown the power of God’s Almighty love, and yet I have had to ask myself and others why when Jesus’ name is mentioned there is no great elation because I cannot say His name without a smile coming to my face and my heart. Despite this apparent complacency and lack of excitement new members still come through the doors, which proves that God is still very much at work in all our lives. I have on a few occasions seriously considered changing my place of worship but I can’t, my place of worship is special to me, it’s where I came to faith, its where for me a total life transformation took place and it’s where I found love and a family, so with all of its faults its my church, and yes with all of mine I’m a part of it!