Can I really go through with this?

Today has just not been my day. It appears I'm either being tested or the enemy is trying to get me to stay where I have been all this time which is in sin! I have to be very honest that at times today I have felt like giving up and just stay true to what I've always been. Doesn't mean I was happier but it was just easier.

I'd like to share a little secret about myself. I DESPISE (yes I meant to write that in caps) dealing with the public; whether it be at the job, riding the subway or just grocery shopping. I find people to be selfish, insensitive, inconsiderate creatures who lack common sense! Still I have to do these things if I am living, right?  Therefore I cannot avoid people. I want to be so much more patient with them than I am currently but it is extremely difficult! I can honestly say that people are my weak spot that can eventually become my downfall!

In trying to go down the path of Jesus Christ I come to realize just how arduous this journey is really going to be. Can I go through with it? Will I be better off not even trying? Or should I just come to the realization that I'm in for a very long process but the rewards in the end will be all worth it? The one thing I cannot stand is hypocrisy and I'm not trying to be that nor will I ever!

When I got sick I felt a feeling that somehow it was happening for my own good. Almost felt like God had enough of my behavior and said 'yeah, that's it! You're going into time out! Think about what you are doing and saying, realize that I want better for you and then I'll let you out!' So that's what I'm in the middle of doing right now. Still I have a feeling I'll be in the 'time out corner' longer than I'd hoped for! I don't want to disappoint my Lord and Jesus Christ! Furthermore I don't want to let myself down! I feel very torn today! In the end I guess I just have to keep fighting the good fight and take comfort that one day the positive changes in me will happen; just not right away. 

Please pray for me. Pray that I have the strength to continue to go on with this transition in my life and the direction to get there eventually. Thank you all!