Belonging … what it feels like

Belonging … what it feels like.  Ephesians 2.11-22

What was it about “Cheers” that was so darn attractive?  Was it the song, “Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got … taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot...

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.

You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same

You wanna be where everybody knows your name …” 

Cheers was a place of belonging for Sam, Carla, Cliff, Norm, Frasier, and Woody …¹

Paul got it. 

Describing the young Christians, who were once outsiders and wanderers—out of it, but now in on everything—and citizens, at home.  “This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here…”²

You belong here.  The Cheers’ friends knew they belonged; they were always welcome, seemed to bring their real selves, and everybody knew their names … all elements of belonging. 

Belonging – when and where do we experience it?  Or, do we?

When I went home to see my mom and dad, I never knocked, and I certainly didn’t enter through the front door!  Nope, I went up the back steps and let myself into the kitchen.  Why?  It was home, and I belonged.  I grew up in an old Colonial Revival home in Alameda, California.  My favorite place in the big old house was in the dining room, lying on the floor, back pressed up against the heat register.  Not only was I warm, I felt safe.  ‘Been a long while since I was able to experience such a thing.  More elements to belonging: familiarity, your presence being expected, and a feeling of warmth and safety.

Why does having a place of belonging matter so much?  Its how we are wired. I read a statement by a college prof, who said, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people.  We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.  When those needs aren’t met, we don’t function as we were meant to.”³ 

Our first parents, Adam and Eve, knew they ‘belonged’ in the Garden of Eden.  The Garden had all of the belonging elements: welcomeness, authenticity, (heck, they were naked, remember?  Pretty authentic!), and safety.

Belonging.  We were made for it. 

At the last gathering of Women of Passion,⁴ we started as we always do, with a centering song on God – to move us from our mental and physical hustle and bustle mode to focusing on our Lord.  Earlier that morning, I had made a playlist from I-tunes that would enable the women to know how God (and me!) felt about their presence, including:  Come as You Are⁵, and Come Unto Me.⁶ As the songs played, I felt a sense of heaviness, a sense of ‘These women have some ‘stuff’ going on,’ so I shifted gears away from my teaching of the day; ‘here’s what I’d like to do…go around the room’ (probably 30 of us), ‘and you can share a ‘praise, a prayer request, or a promise from Scripture, ok?’ 

One lovely said, ‘I’ll start… I have a ‘Praise’!  I want to share how God has answered my prayer in relieving the anxiety I have been battling for some time…’ And she explained the difference prayer and reading Scripture has made in her daily existence and peace of mind, on her job and in her home, and her ability to sleep.  Then she randomly chose another woman to share.  And with that, the lady she chose ‘teared up’ and shared something heavy on her heart about her dear sister’s marriage that was in deep distress … and her sister and her heavy heart were lifted to God in prayer.  Another friend blurted out, ‘Okay, I know God is calling me to forgive a deep bitterness I have toward my estranged sister—it has been years since we have spoken,’ she said, as tears poured from her eyes.  Around the room it went, as women shared and cried and prayed and laughed together about the joys and challenges of our lives.  There was transparency, openness, acceptance, support, encouragement and the hope of prayer, and genuine happiness over another’s rejoicing – all because women knew they belonged. 

Belonging . . .

^{1  Besides drawing us into their familiar lives, Cheers was also very well written!  Cheers is an American sitcom television series that ran for 11 seasons from 1982 to 1993}

^{2 Ephesians 2.19, The Message}

^{3 Brene Brown, in an article from Psychology Today, “Feeling It”.  August 26, 2012}

^{4 Women of Passion is a weekly Bible study I lead in my hometown, San Clemente, California; you are welcome to join any time if you live close by!}

^{5 “Come as You Are” by Pocketful of Rocks}

^{6 “Come Unto Me” by Nicole Mullen}