Apologies and Forgiveness. Matthew 6
How often do you apologize? Oh sure, you feel every real and perceived injustice that comes your way, with a ready recall of 'the list' of times you have been wronged, yet seldom take stock of careless words you have uttered, failing to notice the expression in your friend's eyes. Of course, sometimes you can't see their eyes because your words were issued in a flippant text message or e-mail. Yesterday, I watched a comedic sketch in which Jimmy Fallon asked Donald Trump (for those of you outside the U.S. and unaware-Donald Trump is a wealthy businessman running for president of our country) if he ever apologizes. Trump cocked his head back a little and clearly was scanning his mind . . . and I thought to myself, 'how often do I apologize?'
In the same vein, when injured by another, do I forgive easily? Forgiveness: perhaps one of the hardest things to render in all 'the world.
And yet, in Matthew chapter six, in the prayer he taught the disciples, Jesus talked about forgiveness. 'Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us'. Sins, trespasses, debts - no matter -
if we want ours forgiven, we must forgive others of their wrongs against us.
Jesus said, 'For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you too; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.' Our divine forgiveness linked with our human forgiveness.
Forgive: pardon; excuse for a fault or offense; renounce anger or resentment against; absolve from payment for a debt.
The dictionary definition enables us to see that there are various kinds of forgiveness. Yet it seems to be the intentional words or actions of another (particularly one whom we love or esteem) which deeply affect us emotionally, and are the most difficult to forgive. Hurt is the primary emotional response, which may then turn into anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, woundedness, or even brokenness.
Do you know folks who seem to be angry all the time? 'Bitter? 'Guarded or Paranoid? 'Walled up-won't let anyone close? Stop and think about it-they are not just naturally unpleasant people; chances are they were hurt and have not dealt with the wrong, have not figured out how to let go, and forgive. They might not even be aware of their need to do so.
Sometimes we are well into our adult years before we realize that the behaviors of our parent(s)-perhaps years of harsh criticism, sometimes neglect, with the pressure 'to keep up the appearances', even though what everyone on the outside saw was not what went on inside the home at all. Fact is, maybe an individual who hurt you or me has passed on-but what of the years lost-years of pain that really have been experienced and then internalized, causing dysfunction and disease? Dis-ease ... take a look at the word.
Some work in forgiveness and letting go is imperative for healing and freedom. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3.13 How do we do that?
I have friends and acquaintances who were sexually abused by relatives when they were too young to defend themselves, or simply did not understand. Their lives have been affected ever since. How do they come to forgive such people, especially when an apology will never be had? Only through the grace of God. The grace of God always leads to forgiveness.
Truth is-all of us have 'stuff' of some kind or another, whether it is from childhood, rocky adolescence, a messed-up marriage, unfair treatment or betrayal by a friend. Truthfully, if we stopped to think about it, we're all broken and recovering from something! We all need to learn to forgive and also learn how to heal, and accept forgiveness from God as well.
Note: When I am aware that I have injured or hurt someone, it is not okay to fling a 'Sorrrrry!' over my shoulder, like a bratty eight-year-old little girl. I must stop, sincerely apologize, and then ask for forgiveness. 'Will you forgive me for hurting you?' A hug or a handshake does not hurt either.
To put the whole matter of forgiveness in perspective though, I think of Jesus. Think of the emotional pain he felt when his family rejected him as Savior, which they did until after the resurrection. Then think of his inner circle: Judas betrayed him, Peter denied him, and the disciples ran and hid at his greatest hour of need. I do not care if he was God incarnate-God in the flesh-all of this hurt him deeply. And yet, Jesus forgave.
Take your pain to him; God alone understands. Get some healing prayer. You won't forget what caused you pain, but you will get to a place where you will be able to forgive. Our divine forgiveness linked with our human forgiveness. Now-is that a good thing or a bad thing for you?
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