Am I shielding myself?

What triggered something in me to be afraid of men? It couldn't be souly seeing men yelling. After all women [like Mrs. R. in Kape] have yelled at me,too.

Did getting pushed away by my uncle J.  after trying to give him a hug when I was little trigger something?

I'm not sure. I remember,I think it was probably high school but it may have been Junior High. I was on the bus. Atleast a couple times I looked at my friend Gretchin. I remember...I was thought I was turning gay. I never acted upon those feelings though. That is such a relief to finally tell someone about that. I know that is sin and as a born again Christian I wouldn't do that. And no I have no interest in ever doing that now.

When I was growing up [like Junior high an high school] I had no interest in dances or make up or dating. I never went to a school dance,didn't wear make up and didn't date once. The one time I thought a boy liked me I gave him a cupcake. He stopped being nice after that. I actually was asked to go to prom by my friend [a grade older]. I had no interest. I didn't go to my high school prom.

It's like I'm trying to shield myself. I don't like the idea of a guy getting too close to me. I'd be uncomfortable if I was even given a kiss.