Well I've been pondering the whole idea behind why the disciples didn't recognize Jesus when they first saw Him after His resurrection.....
Yesterday I kept hearing these verses from Jason Upton's song "Blinded":
"I don't know
Where I'm going
More and more each day
It's becoming just alright with me
Cuz when I know
Where I'm going
My eyes keep me
From trusting in Thee"
"My eyes keep me from trusting in Thee..."
This morning I awoke to hearing "Cuz when I know Where I'm going My eyes keep me From trusting in Thee"......over and over and over again.........
This has become a frequent and familiar pattern that the Lord uses to talk to my heart and mind. Repetition. A key verse or statement. It's up to me to maintain my dignity and learn to discern what's being given me faster than in the past LOL I've been a bit slow in "getting it."
So I thought, "What in the world? The second I open my eyeballs, I'm hearing this same verse? Where's my coffee??" But I sat down in front of my pc with my bible in front of my face and asked (like I generally do) for the Spirit to lead me to scripture with relevance to this verse, as I knew He was trying to say something.
I opened immediately to Acts 10 and in reading it, I came across the following:
"They put Him to death upon a tree, but God raised Him on the third day and made Him to appear, not to all the people, but to us who had been chosen by God as witnesses, who ate and drank with Him after He rose from the dead."
Now, at first I thought, "Ok, what does this have to do with the verse?" Sometimes I'm really that blind. "...on the third day, and made Him to appear..." there's His appearing and not appearing, right? I can see Him...but then I can't. Initially, we think of not being able to see Him as a bad thing, or at least disappointing. But Jason takes it a step further and claims that it is when he can't see Him that he fully trusts in Him to lead him. That when he's unable to understand why or where he's going in a direction, that he has to put his full trust in Jesus...and that's when he experiences that inner peace that comes from knowing that He's all we need. It's in his blindness that he can truly "see."
I also picked up in the part that talks about "those who ate and drank with Him after He rose." Now couldn't this include all of us who've received Communion, then? Couldn't we be chosen to see Him as well?
So this got me to thinking about the resurrection appearances and the times they didn't know it was Him...at least, first they didn't. I've always thought this was strange. How could they have been with Him for 3 years and not known it was Him?
There have been many theories on this matter, including one that poses the possibility that if Jesus maintained His crucifixion scars, i.e., the nail holes and the one in His side from the Roman's spear, then it would make sense that maybe He maintained them all. The scourge wounds, beaten face "beyond human likeness" which implies someone that's beaten so badly that he wouldn't have been recognizable to anyone period.
However, this creates a problem: why would this fact never have been recorded in scripture? That's where my own personal experience comes in handy...
I had a series of dreams several months ago...7 dreams, 7 nights in a row...in which Jesus appeared to me. However, He didn't appear as Himself right away. Not until another dream months later, in fact. This made me really inquisitive as to why He'd show up this way, when I knew it was Him, though no one else did. First, why did He want to appear "in disguise"? Second, why would He allow me to know that it was Him and no one else?
So here's basically how all the dreams went...
I was watching a crowd of people, all gathered together in an effort to impress this "guy" by using worldly methods of flashing wealth, image, dancing, fast cars...etc. It was kind of comical. It was obvious that they saw Jesus as some guy who would be impressed by the things that keep the world just what it is...worldly. He just stood there watching and unimpressed, no expression on His face and there was a sense of boredom, for lack of a better explanation. This isn't what He was looking for, clearly, in the dream. But they tried and tried in the same ways to grab His attention for whatever their purpose might have been.
I just stood in the background wondering when they were gonna realize that this wasn't working. Then, in each dream, He turned to me, took my hand and led me off into seclusion, as if He were simply conveying to me that He noticed that my heart was different, and that I was in the right state of mind. He told me that they did not know Him because they were of the world and that is why He chose me.
In the final dream, He appeared as a Special Forces soldier (Spec Ops/Forces are soldiers I've always had a lot of respect for) and He took me to the side and showed me a manual of sorts. In it was the layout for a mission of tremendous importance which He told me He needed me to take on. It seemed impossible for many human beings to accomplish, much less me alone...which is what He was telling me I had to do. I was thinking to myself,
"There's NO WAY I can do this! It's so much bigger than me. He must have the wrong person..."
I didn't have a chance to speak before He uttered the following words:
"Don't doubt yourself. Your whole life has prepared you for this. You're already strong enough. It's going to be hard, but I'll be with you. Now follow Me..."
For whatever reason, when He spoke those words, that was enough for me. I was filled with a sense of power and strength like I've never known. Just to know that He would be with me the whole way was enough. So I gladly accepted this "mission." For His own reasons, He has taken the memory of what the mission actually was, but I know that in His time, He will reveal it to me again. I sense that I am currently in a preparation mode, being chastened and molded in the way that will suit His will.
Now here's my thought...
If He showed up that many times as a completely normal guy in ordinary circumstances, yet I knew it was Him, wouldn't it make sense that maybe this is what happened 2000 years ago when He appeared post-resurrection? Maybe, for divine reasons, He chose to be known only after each person He appeared to had whatever individual revelation they needed to have and had found some level of understanding or faith that may have been lacking up to that point? I don't know. But it "feels" right to me.
I'm no prophet. I'm not claiming to be. But I believe that every believer who truly seeks His face and desires understanding of those Kingdoms things we treasure, will be allowed to see whatever God determines is in keeping with His will for our lives.
My own lessons from this experience/revelation are still growing in number, as has been the case with everything of God since I began to follow hard after Him. One concept I've grasped is that our vision (that of our eyes) is not a critical part of the things of God. I mean, that's where faith comes in, right? From believing and knowing that which one cannot see or prove? And it is our minds and surrendered will that allows us to know anything of the Kingdom at all. Maybe it also means that we should strive to recognize Him in every thing, person and situation. That He's not "up there" or anywhere but here, all around us, even though we can't see Him. Was this the lesson for the disciples and the others? Was this the lesson to all who hear the Word? You tell me.
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