Over the years I have accrued much scar-tissue to my heart, mind, spirit and soul. I have heard about Jesus and his atoning sacrifice and saving power my entire life, but up until a year-and-a-half ago I had never taken it very seriously. I can't remember the time when I got saved, but I do know I gave my life to Jesus at a young age. Since I gave my life to Jesus, initially, I have backslidden more times than I can possibly remember, and have been what is known as a "lukewarm christian" at best. So many times in my life have I rededicated my life to God, and so many times have I fallen off the spiritual bandwagon. Over the years, I have produced within myself a hardened-heart. Due to my condition of heart, I am not able to believe or receive the things of God. This state grieves me because I want to be saved, but due to my lack of belief, I am unable to do so. I feel so trapped by this hardness of heart. I can't feel anything, especially the presence of God and the sorrow for my sins. I want so bad to be genually saved and repentant. I want to be real, and I want to bad to have a real relationship with God, and for that relationship to be based on my love for him, not for my fear of eternal damnation. I am scared for my eternal security. This hardness of heart is disabling me from being saved; in fact, I am not even sure if God hears me praying for salvation. I am so confused an scared; I just want to be saved. I want to be all the things that Jesus says a saved person is supposed to be. Am I trapped? My desire is there, but I question myself and my sincerity. How do I become saved, though I am not sure I believe? Can this spiritual sickness be cured so I can truly have a genuine relationship with God? Will God hear my prayers to heal my spiritual hardness of heart, even though I am an unsaved sinner? What do I do?
Comment
Thank you, Char. I am going to browse this comment you posted at least a few-times. You have really put things into perspective for me with your post. For sometime now, I have been asking the same questions, as well as researching them, but tonight I have received some closure. I was always under the impression from reading the Bible, and talking to other Christians, that the things of God, to include change, were immediate, and that is why I felt like I wasn't truly saved, was because I wasn't giving these things time to surface in my life. Well said, and I appreciate all the feedback I have received on this blog.
Submission to God
According to the Bible, the greatest sin is pride. Satan fell because of it. Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden because of it. And you can see it in David, Moses and many other Bible personalities.
Jesus is telling us that to be one with Christ we have to lose our pride, our self and be willing to be Christlike - to be submitted to Christ in all our ways. This is best highlighted I think by Gal 5 - the fruit of the spirit. The Bible says to evidence these values and behaviors in all our actions - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.
These are not natural behaviors. Our natural fleshly choice is to be self centered. To be self absorbed. To want our own way and to not consider the feelings or needs of others. But the Bible says that you will know them by their fruits. So a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ will change their fleshly behaviors into fruit. They will learn to be peaceful and loving. They will be patient and joyful. They will be kind and gentle and good. They will be faithful and have self control. When this happens, these people will draw others to them and they will ask why are you like you are? You are different than other people I know.
Having lost yourself and having taken on the mantle of Christ, you then can be a living witness to the fact Jesus changes lives. And it is the changing of lives that testifies to the reality of Jesus Christ.
Jesus mentions a sin that is unforgivable in Matt. 12:31-32 and calls it blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. But what exactly is this unforgivable sin?
Any sin that is repented is forgiven. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit means ejecting the Holy Spirit from your life, refusing His influence and guidance. Since the Holy Spirit is the source of the grace of repentence, you cannot repent while you keep Him out of your life, which is why this sin is unforgivable. (Jn. 16:8-9).
Therefore, I believe that those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit are those who consciously and perhaps repeatedly reject Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior by faith, and that they will not even be concerned about it. On the contrary, I find that those who have worried about being guilty of this sin are the ones who already received.
@ Char: I was reading a book last-night, and in this book was a quote from Billy Graham, saying that only a true christian would feel sorrow for their sins. The problem is that I don't feel sorrow for hurting God when I sin, I feel nothing. The only grief I feel is that I know my actions will send me to Hell. I am so tired of haunting me. I just want a relationship with God like every christian proclaims that they have. I feel like its too late, and that God has hardened my heart like he did Pharaoh, until eventually I will die from my own stubbornness.
Brandon,
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