As a Little Child

When we’re Children the world is new and a place to be discovered. As GK Chesterton said, We’re excited not just because Lilly opened a door to find a land of fairies but because Lilly, a small kid just like us, figured out how to open the door. Reality is romantic because it’s mysterious. We don’t know that a rose bush is going to produce the same color rose every year. Next year instead of red they may be yellow. We don’t see things as forgone conclusions; the world still holds mystery and magic for us.
However as we get older we realize every year that bush gives red roses. Then in forth grade our teacher tells us why. Suddenly the magic is gone and we think ourselves wise. Suddenly we know how God designed the rose bush and we forget that while he willed those roses to be red, he very well could have chosen yellow, or pink or even blue; and that should he decide they could still someday come out that beautiful yellow that we’ve been looking for.
We see life’s repetitions and loose the wonder and expectation of change. We see that people who disappoint us, often frequently disappoint us, so when they do it the first time we shut them down. We lose that childlike ability to sever the offense from the offender and to play well with the one who five minuets ago, broke our favorite toy.
How do we get it back? How do we forget what our fourth grade teacher has taught us and pick up again the wonder and expectation that maybe this time the one who let us down before will be faithful? I’m not so sure it has as much to do with forgiveness as it does trust and grace and wonder and hopeful expectation. These simple childlike… Godlike characteristics. Did you know that sophistication is an antonym of simplicity? How do I become simple? How do I become a child again and loose the cynicism and sophistication that I’ve picked up as I’ve ‘matured’?
Part of me wishes the answer was more complicated but unfortunately it’s as simple as most of the answers God gives us; as simple and as hard. We must choose to. We must choose to put ourselves in Gods hands and trust Him. We must choose to hold ourselves vulnerable and allow others the freedom to make mistakes that may cause us pain. We must choose to show them grace and give them the opportunities that we have been given… the opportunity to change and grow.
The path of condemnation is no path at all. Un-forgiveness is the seed of bitterness which grows and roots down into our hearts binding us up and blinding us to grace. (Even to the grace that could be ours) Should that person who disappointed us change we find ourselves so rooted in the past it’s impossible to see them for who they are now. Locking them into a place in our minds and making it impossible for them to ever truly be free of their past mistakes. Although God has forgiven them we haven’t and we’re still holding it over their heads.
It may be painful sometimes but the rewards of grace far surpass the costs. The path of grace may open us up to disappointment and grief but it is freeing. It doesn’t bind us to the past, to death. It opens up a world of wonder to us and allows us to live in the present and dream for the future. It allows us to live in truth. We’ve been taught it’s naïve and childish, but look at the freedom children have. Is that really something to scoff at or to opt out of? To love is to ache. Do you have the strength to ache? Do you have the strength to trust God to be your provision and guide? It’s the challenge of grace. Can you give it as well as you receive it? Do you struggle to receive it because you do not give it?
In his book “Orthodoxy” G.K. Chesterton wrote, “Is it possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”
This sentiment was echoed in Richard Mullins song, “Growing Young” and has resonated in my heart. Today isn’t just some natural phenomenon that has no choice but to happen because of the rotation of the earth and moon around the sun. It exists because God willfully created it. He purposed and planned it. It’s a symphony He orchestrates continually; not a piece of art He created and put up somewhere to gather dust. He is everyday active in creation. He is everyday active in our lives. Can we just as willfully put ourselves in the hands of the Creator and say, “Thou You slay me I will trust You.”? Could it be that because this day is a willful gift of God to us, it might also… no matter what happens in it… be good. Could the people He put in our lives be there for a purpose? This day whether it be difficult or easy, a struggle or effortless, tearful or joyful; it is a gift from God and part of our journey toward Him. Can we grow young and trust that no matter how it goes, no matter who may disappoint us, God can and will use it for our good? Can we surrender enough to confess that His understanding is greater than ours? Can we cling to trust in Him when He says, ‘I know the plans I have for you; plans for good and not evil’? Can I… can you?
Honestly, my spirit screams YES while my flesh asks for a rain check, and here I am in the middle with a daily decision I must make. The decision is ours. A decision to trust. Choose grace. Choose trust. Choose wonder. Choose expectation. Choose life.