Unfulfilled

I must say that I am quite disappointed in myself. If my bestfriend heard me say that she would say "stop being so hard on yourself" but this is the way that I feel. I know God and all that He means to me. I understand His love for me and realize that He is in control of everything. Absolutely NOTHING is impossible with Him in charge. He parted the Red Sea for crying out loud!! He made a donkey talk and raised people from the dead. What can God NOT do? He is my Lord and Savior and I love Him dearly.

Now, with all that said, I need to find out where He wants me to be. I broke up with my ex boyfriend about four months ago and I love him still. I prayed that the Lord would restore our relationship and that he and I would get married and be happy together. Well, I guess the Lord was listening when I prayed that prayer, but now I am not so sure that I want that. I have options now and I am not sure if I am ready to give up my freedom that I have in being single. It appears that during the time of being single, that I have grown closer to God. I love the time I spend with Him and the intimate relationship. I feel as though a man would impede on that and I don't know how to juggle the two.

Soooo, this is what I need to figure out. Where it is that God wants me to be both mentally and physically. I am ready to move out of this city leaving that man behind and all. I feel that there is so much more out there for me to be doing in the name of Jesus than just sitting here doing what I am doing which isn't much to begin with. I love God and I know the results that He can bring into peoples lives. There's got to be more out there. I hate that I can't seem to figure this one out and that's where the disappointment comes into play. Pray for me please. I need to really get to the bottom of this one.