Depression: 01

Okay.. I've had it.

Depression, I mean, since 3rd grade.

No, seriously, I did.

Now I'm in my 2nd year of High School... and it's not getting better, maybe a little, but it definitely isn't noticeable.

I cry. I sulk. I blame everything. Sometimes.

I know maybe it's just me, not noticing all the good things around me. I appreciate them, really. It's just... it's.. me and all the things around me.

My "friends". I like them, some of them I even hold closer than my family. Some, but not anymore.

I don't know why I always feel out-of-place, even when I'm with them, even when I'm with my family. I feel like something just isn't there.


Okay, fine, I cried when my best friend left for Singapore. I REALLY DID. I admit, okay?

I cried not during the burial mass when a close relative of mine died last month, but when I went to sleep. I miss her, and I never even got to say how much I owed her or even thanked her.

I cried over my pets when I lost one, because I treated them as my closest friends. They didn't tell you to shut up because they're sick of hearing the same thing. They didn't leave you behind. They wouldn't back-stab you.

I cry when I'm left alone. Maybe leave with a mentally-challenged person, you can make sure I'd rather make him/her my company rather than I let myself be alone. I fear to be alone more than failing in school.

I can't talk to my parents.

And they're not even here.

My dad's in another country...

My mom is always with my younger brother... busy.

Like always.

It's as if I'm not even there. She tends to forget when I need something. She left me at school back then and she didn't come to pick me up on the right time, she would always be hours late. She yells at me sometimes for no reason.

My older brother, often, if not always, says almost every thing I do is wrong (even if I'm right). He says he's better, so I just shut up. I know he'll say more bad things anyway..

I guess.. It's just that.. ='C