All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
New Day
Wow....blogging...isn't that an original idea these days.
Actually I figured I could use my blog as a weight loss journal. In the past food and I have always struggled, from one extreme to the next. At 18 I was hospitalized for anorexia, now I am severly obese.
It occured to me after many years of being suicidal that after I got saved I was wrong in the idea that I was no longer suicidal. I am just not actively trying to kill myself anymore.
As far as my life span expectancy?? I still reach for that late night sweet or high carb snack...knowing that when I check my blood sugar before bed it will be well over 200 because I made a bad snack or dinner choice. I continue to eat knowing that I am keeping excess fluid around my lower legs....knowing that is a bad sign for the heart. My pain levels are through the roof, and my rheumatiod will be so much better with the weight off. I could go on and on...but since I have to go get an echo today (newly discovered heart murmur....gee....could that have to do with weight as well????).......
It also occured to me that as parents we love our children dearly and as part of that love, we regulate things that may be harmful to them. Using logic, it would seem that I am not loving myself since I parttake in habits I would not allow those I love to. So today I am going to attempt yet another diet...but I am going to stay dogmatic about this one, weight every day, measurements once a week, and a food journal of everything I eat. I'm already craving a snack, lol. But seriously....knowing myself, I spent a small furtune last night on snacks. I discovered (reading labels) that the South Beach Diet Snacks are the highest in protein and lowest in carbs...and as I am now discovering that the carbs I love no longer love me, I chose the SBD snacks.
On the christian side of things.....during this process I am also quitting smoking (hey guys check out becomeanex.org......it's really helping me). It annoys the devil out of me when other christians point there fingers about smoking and sinning....yet no one calls me on my weight....nor any other christian. I have always been told smoking is a sin because your body is the temple of God....ok...I can't really argue that...BUT....while I do need to quit smoking.....don't act like I'm a bad person while you gloat over the "christianity" of the fat woman across the room......lol......at 300 pounds I can say the word fat and get away with it......I think that's the only advantage to being fat.
To me...it's going to be much harder to lose 150 pounds than it will be to quit smoking, and I feel if others are holding me accountable for smoking, than they need to use those same standards and hold me accountable for my weight. Instead I get "Oh, but you've had two sets of twins", "Oh but you've buried a child", "
well, you know, your in your 30's now and that metabolism is slowing"..........No Way!!!!! Excuses......and as long as I listen to the easy out others are giving me I'll stay fat forever, and this is not how God made me to be.
So...all that said...I have gotten ready for today all week long....I have my healthy snacks just in case....being payday I'll be running errands all day and not just looking at the fridge....and tommorrow we'll spend all day at the pool...
Wish me luck and give me lots of prayer....honestly if I don't do this, I don't think I'll live to see 50...I don't have the frame for an obese person and I am battling some very life threatening obesity related health problems right now.
Actually I figured I could use my blog as a weight loss journal. In the past food and I have always struggled, from one extreme to the next. At 18 I was hospitalized for anorexia, now I am severly obese.
It occured to me after many years of being suicidal that after I got saved I was wrong in the idea that I was no longer suicidal. I am just not actively trying to kill myself anymore.
As far as my life span expectancy?? I still reach for that late night sweet or high carb snack...knowing that when I check my blood sugar before bed it will be well over 200 because I made a bad snack or dinner choice. I continue to eat knowing that I am keeping excess fluid around my lower legs....knowing that is a bad sign for the heart. My pain levels are through the roof, and my rheumatiod will be so much better with the weight off. I could go on and on...but since I have to go get an echo today (newly discovered heart murmur....gee....could that have to do with weight as well????).......
It also occured to me that as parents we love our children dearly and as part of that love, we regulate things that may be harmful to them. Using logic, it would seem that I am not loving myself since I parttake in habits I would not allow those I love to. So today I am going to attempt yet another diet...but I am going to stay dogmatic about this one, weight every day, measurements once a week, and a food journal of everything I eat. I'm already craving a snack, lol. But seriously....knowing myself, I spent a small furtune last night on snacks. I discovered (reading labels) that the South Beach Diet Snacks are the highest in protein and lowest in carbs...and as I am now discovering that the carbs I love no longer love me, I chose the SBD snacks.
On the christian side of things.....during this process I am also quitting smoking (hey guys check out becomeanex.org......it's really helping me). It annoys the devil out of me when other christians point there fingers about smoking and sinning....yet no one calls me on my weight....nor any other christian. I have always been told smoking is a sin because your body is the temple of God....ok...I can't really argue that...BUT....while I do need to quit smoking.....don't act like I'm a bad person while you gloat over the "christianity" of the fat woman across the room......lol......at 300 pounds I can say the word fat and get away with it......I think that's the only advantage to being fat.
To me...it's going to be much harder to lose 150 pounds than it will be to quit smoking, and I feel if others are holding me accountable for smoking, than they need to use those same standards and hold me accountable for my weight. Instead I get "Oh, but you've had two sets of twins", "Oh but you've buried a child", "
well, you know, your in your 30's now and that metabolism is slowing"..........No Way!!!!! Excuses......and as long as I listen to the easy out others are giving me I'll stay fat forever, and this is not how God made me to be.
So...all that said...I have gotten ready for today all week long....I have my healthy snacks just in case....being payday I'll be running errands all day and not just looking at the fridge....and tommorrow we'll spend all day at the pool...
Wish me luck and give me lots of prayer....honestly if I don't do this, I don't think I'll live to see 50...I don't have the frame for an obese person and I am battling some very life threatening obesity related health problems right now.
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Comment
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Comment by MaryAnn on June 4, 2008 at 12:38pm
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Hey there Christelle,
Thanks for the update... My prayers are with you for the victory. You already have the victory (in the spirit realm), one day you will see it in the physical. Anyway the small baby steps you take moment-by-moment this year will form and shape the life you will be living next year.
Please know that the LORD loves you so much, and HE is on your side. The Holy Spirit is your Helper and HE will help you to hold on to the victory. Keep us posted on the jaw condition. Let's pray for a good change, regarding the surgery.
May I offer my heart filled with prayers to God for you. May HE continue to give you HIS strength, and fill you with HIS love.
In HIS Amazing Love,
MaryAnn
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Comment by christelle on June 3, 2008 at 8:35pm
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Thanks to both of you. I must be on the right track becuase the devil is already doing his part in sabatoging. Saturday I was in the ER for a jaw infection. I've been on heavy antibiotics and percaset since then...all of which have to be taken with food (especially the perc...I really have to fill my belly to be able to keep the stuff down) to avoid nausea.
But another day or two and I'll be back on track.....I'm actually fantasizing about excersize and craving the pain to go away enough to get to the gym. I think once I can spend time in the gym it will all fall in line. Pain has been much better today and it's raining outside. If it's still raining in the am my daughter's swin lesson will be in the indoor pool and as long as the pain is still under control I can hit the excersize equipment while she is doing her lesson.....yay.
I know fad diets aren't the way to go...but in a month or so I will have my jaw wired shut..and no...not for weightloss...although it doens't break my heart that weightloss is a side effect. I have a jaw condition and severe sleep apnea. i've been postponing the surgery since I was a teen...and I am finally fed up enough with the CPAP I have to wear at night that I am going to have my jaw fixed. Three months wired shut...should really give me a jump start on the weight.
Please pray for vanity issues though....the surgery will change my face...and the idea of a different face really bothers me. If my sleep apnea weren't life threatning...I wouldn't do it.
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Hi Christelle,
I will join with Ait, so now you have agreement in prayer, our most powerful weapon. My prayer for you is that God will keep you from evil and give you all you need to be an overcomer. May HE give you Divine health, physically, mentally and emotionally. May all the effects of tiredness and discouragement be loosed from your body and mind. Now that you have recognized the need to care for your physical body with good healthy food and adequate rest, may the Holy Spirit fill you with HIS wisdom and Self-Control...Be loosed from compulsive and bad eating choices!!! Exercise properly...it may be only a little to start, but please, do persevere.
May the LORD give you adequate strength to accomplish the task. May you maintain the glow of Jesus to attract others to the Lord through tidy appearance, right actions and gentle speech. May you have a gracious but firm attitude - learn when and how to say 'no'. Submit to the Lord in every area of your life. May HE give you discernment to recognize wrong attitudes in yourself and the courage to deal with them immediately.
All of us are tempted in some way. May you find as you make healthy choices and include some exercise that little-by-little God is changing you on the inside where HIS Holy Spirit dwells.
Love to you today Christelle and God bless,
MaryAnn
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