Susan Mathews's Blog (11)

Hello everyone. I finally found an NA group at a local Catholic parish and attended for the first time on Thursday of last week. It was enlightening. The majority of the people in the group were very young and all part of the same Job Corps that my son graduated from more than a month ago. This did not both me much, but I did long for people my own age to relate to. They all went around and shared their experiences, but it took so much time that the hour was up before we knew it and I had no… Continue

Brothers and Sisters...I am in the midst of struggle right now. I have finally admitted that I have an issue with addiction and am needing to move forward through it. Since my accident almost three years ago, I have been taking a single prescribed medication (Tramadol or Ultram, 50mg 2x day) for pain and depression. I have become dependent on it to get me moving in the morning, and to give me motivation to move through the day. I find that my doctor doesn't seem to know or care about what this… Continue

It is truly spring outside today. The birds are singing, the crocus and tulips have been up for better than two weeks, and the colors are dazzling. Why, then, am I having such inner struggles? I started volunteering at a local hospital last week, and although newly joined, was nominated the Auxillary Club's new secretary for the next two years. I was the only person that seemed to have the interest and the energy of spirit for the job. It seems that only older women (and one man) feel the need… Continue

Ok, everybody. I didn't go to church this morning. I was kinda burnt out after going to the study the other nite and just needed a break from ritual. I don't want my going to church to become a habit, or worse yet, a rut. I want it to feel new and fresh, and I actually want to go because I feel the urge to be there with the Lord and all my brothers and sister, and not because I am expected to be there.



I was glad when Todd finally made it home yesterday. It was awful without him and… Continue

I heard from Todd yesterday that he wouldn't be home until the early morning hours of Saturday. I was bummed. I went to bed exhausted, from only God knows what, because I can't remember doing a single thing of use the whole day. When I awoke this morning I was still exhausted. I hit the snooze three times before getting up to take the girls to school. I woke my son up when I got back. He had an interview for a job this morning @ 10 and needed time to get ready. I wandered back to the living… Continue

I am still in search of uplifting music and videos. Maybe using the word 'uplifting' isn't actually correct. I have realized in my search that what I like is very different than what many others listen to, so I have started adding some of the music (and accompanying videos since most of them are from Youtube) that I've come across that appeal to me to my profile page. I hope and pray that anyone reading this might take a moment to have a listen to one or more of the videos to ascertain the type… Continue

When I left for church this evening, I still hadn't finished the paper that was due. I reasoned that if I got right with God, He would allow my mind to clear and focus on the task when I returned. I prayed this was true, walked out into the waning sunshine of the day, and got into the truck with a bounce in my step. It was too beautiful outside for my spirits to stay low, even if I was kicking myself in the butt seriously hard for not being as devoted as I should be to my school… Continue

Oh, bother! Brothers and sisters, please pray for me!! Today is the second day in a row that I have frittered away my time, not fully devoting my attention to my studies and writing a paper that was due two days ago! Every time I sit down at the computer, my attention is drawn elsewhere. When I awaken in the morning and take the kids to school, I find that I am drawn into taking care of the day's errands. When that is done, I come home and wander the house, trying to work myself up to sitting… Continue

Brothers and Sisters, today has been a wonderful day. I have been so worried about our Sister Myrna, as she is truly struggling in her walk with the Lord. Her husband has slipped back into drugs, in an attempt to feel alive again, and I know the emptiness that comes instead all too well. I pray for her and her husband and ask all who read this to do the same, as it only takes a moment to ask God to help them both in their struggle.



I got to spend yesterday doing gardening work at our… Continue

I had such a hard time going to sleep last night. After dozing off once, I awoke with a little girl's face in my mind's eye. My husband and I had met her a couple of weeks before at church. This little girl (about 9 or 10 years old) is always with her little brother, Matthew, and her grandparents at church. Little Matthew is a budding artist, drawing all during services as he sits next to his Grandma and Grandpa, which is what drew my husband's attention. We love to watch the children during… Continue

Easter was my day to come to the Lord. I had hated religion and everything to do with Christians, which also meant that I hated Christ. What an awful thing. I hadn't realized the damage I was doing and how far I had moved away from the Lord. After watching a drama about the crucifixion, I got to hear the shouts and jeers of the crowd that had been gathered around Jesus as he hung on the cross, and the black energy that poured from the hearts and minds of those gathered. I was appalled and my… Continue