Feet breath's Blog (165)

I have a lot of flaws. Well,I think I do have OCD as well as a flaw. Those flaws can be put into catagories.

Digestive issues. Coconut,peanuts [stangly the candy products like Reeses and Almond Joy don't have the same effect as regular products. I can breath if I eat the candy] and blackberries give me shortness of breath. Blueberries are even worse though. It is so hard to breath if I eat anything blueberry. It's more than shortness of breath. It's like someone has cut my air…

I think I understand why I have a hard time talking to anyone about the cross.

I haven't really ever had any deep and serious Christian fellowship with anyone face to face. When the once a month [and some times a month would be skipped depending on the whether] Christian club at school,Alethia,took place...that was a gathering but nothing really ever deep such as studying the cross. I don't even have that now since I graduated over 2 years ago.

I have known…

I've been listening to this song and it's been such a blessing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it6OOuxDTmo

I'm so excited! I know everything looks so gloomy with DOMA being defeated and so much evil getting worse and worse. Be encouraged though,brothers and sisters in the Lord! Jesus will use this for our good Romans 8:28.

We now have the opportunity to stand strong in the Lord in this…

I know I have trouble when it comes to people yelling [or even talking loud,I can't really tell the difference]. And mama gets upset if someone says Jesus is God. Therefore her voice gets louder.

Whenever someone's voice gets too loud I tend to shut down and withdraw into myself. That's an issue within itself already.

But even more difficult is this. How do I talk to people with no foundation? Usually when witnessing to someone you ask to be able to help them…

I really hope the Lord will somehow use my "disability" [not sure what else to call it] for His sake and to somehow tie it into all of this concerning my purpose.

I really hope He will use my "problems" for His glory and so I can help others.

I have trouble with communication skills. I can talk but the single from my brain to my mouth easily gets lost. That's how I can know an answer but not be able to talk about it. Or I can talk way too much...that can get…

I think the Holy Spirit has been encouraging and strengthening me for service for almost a year now.

Sometime last year [it was ether during June or July,but I think it was in July,not sure though] I was reading in my Foxe's Book of Martyrs about Sunday Nachi Achi. Not sure if I spelled his name correctly or not. I had been reading the stories of the martyrs since that March of 2012. Even longer if you count the magazines VOM sends each month,free of charge. I got my first magazine…

Dad and I were walking in the parking lot to get from the vehicle to the store. He stopped me all of a sudden. This red car pulled out almost hitting us. If we would have even been probably 10 seconds earlier we would have been hit. And if dad didn't stop me I would have probably walked right when the car was coming out anyways. Praise God! the Lord surely takes care of His own. And thankfully He has been very merciful sparing my parents' lives in more than one instance. Life and death are…

Are you going through a hard time? There's hope.

I was going through a hard time [flashbacks] and God put a rainbow in the sky. Praise Jesus!

Even when you're going through a really hard time remember there's always…

I've been remembering alot of things in life.

I know I had bad speech when I was little. I seen a video of when I was 9 and sounded as if I was 5. But I remember when I was in 3rd grade. Someone who was supposed to help me with speech therapy [not the person who usually did it with me], she wanted me to swallow a ball.

This is driving me crazy. I needed to talk about it so I'm blogging. Why we she want me to swallow a ball?

I know it happened a…

I found this video, "Scars" by Jonny Diaz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5avBGmFjJo

Reminds me of 8th grade. Except I didn't cut, I scratched myself. I looked online and found out other people have scratched. It's a relief to know I'm not alone...The burden is lessening on me now. I thought I was alone in scratching in 8th grade. A great burden has been lifted off of my heart. While it's still too…

More memories are coming back. I feel like crying...Some memories I can't even talk about.

Would they have been better off without me? Would they have been better off if I was never born?

It wasn't just the bullies, it wasn't just the cats getting poisoned, it just wasn't watching my uncle play evil video games/horror movies were on t.v while growing up.

Did she hate me? Did I make her final years miserable?

I was in a program…

Praise God! I finally understand why that flashback of the neighbor has been deeply rooted into my mind.



I remember this when I was 2. Our next door neighbor stuck her head out the door and yelled at us. To this day I can't stand hearing people yell. It hurts my hearing too bad. I must have had that problem like all my life.



I think I got that problem where my sences are out of wack. I can't process things normally. It's like when I process…

I feel broken or getting very close to it. Not in a way like when I was 14 [bullied to the point of being suicidal]. No, this is different...By broken I mean mentally and physically. I have to accept the fact that I can't do this on my own. I'm not strong, I realize that. It takes me longer to understand things. When I was in school the other students may have got it but it would possibly take me longer to grasp. So much of my life I've been socially clumsy. I'd cause trouble even if I…

Next month on the 29th, Jesus will have saved me three years ago.

I don't know how to explain to so many people...my parents and uncles for example. I feel like I'm in some kind of box. The moment He saved me I didn't run to my parents and shout that Jesus gave me eternal life!

I can't really bring up a topic unless someone mentions about it first. That's why I haven't blurted out that Jesus gave me eternal life to my loved ones. That's how I've been like my…

 I need a miracle. I think I'm getting panic attacks. So much has been kept inside. I have like 18 years of flashbacks that has been bundled up. Things started when I was like 3...I have a few flashbacks from the age of 2 but that's not when the pain started [unless there's something I don't remember/unless I was scared mentally because the neighbor in the yellow dress yelled out her door at us].

I don't know if I've forgiven them. I don't want to hold any grudges...I want…

Mom was watching the Oreilly Factor. I think on it had mentioned something about Jesus' death. For I heard mom comment how she doesn't like to see Jesus on the cross. She didn't change the channel [like that one time] though. We ended up talking about a few Biblical things, one being Jonah in the belly of the whale. The Holy Spirit is working on my parents, praise God! He is truely the One that convicts.

Praise God, He's helping me! I'm alot better than I was this earlier today.

I really want to be used by Him, to know my purpose. I admire the faith of brothers and sisters overseas. They are so bold for the Lord, I want that kind of faith.

I need start listening to the Holy Spirit more than I do [good thing for Grace]. This is so exciting!