Feet breath's Blog – November 2013 Archive (5)

I'm thinking of leaving AAG. That way I can free this site of a burden,me.

I thank everyone for what you've done but it may be time I move on.

I really hope this blog doesn't cause anyone to be sad.

I feel trapped,like I am ready to cry. I have been trapped for 18 years,ever since I was 3 years old. I didn't heal because once one pain was over with another problem would soon arrive.

I'm still that broken child,I never got to heal.

I've never healed of my past hurts,they only just got compacted together. I thought I was healing but I realize I'm still broken.

So much…

I finally understand why I have felt like a child trapped in pain that never truly grew up. So much has happened. I have missed my first home so much. We moved when I was 2. That is when life was good. Even though I only have a few memories I miss it. Well except when the neighbor yelled at us,the lady in the big yellow dress.

Things went wrong starting at 3. I have kept so much from people because I haven't been able to express my pain or fear properly too well verbally. I…

I feel so empty and void inside.

I'm kind of afraid to say anything because I don't want to make anyone sad by reading my depressing blog.

I just want to see Jesus. I want to be held by Him and to feel no more pain. I'm looking forward to that day. Life has been filled with so much sorrow and pain.

Ever since I was very little I've been peoples' escape goat to scream at,pick on and a number of other things.

It's like I was born…

Why does it seem like I'm just a burden to the world?

I can't wait to see Jesus,to be in His arms and get a hug. I know I'm not a burden to Him.

I can't help but cry. I'm tired that I cause so much pain. Why can't I stop being such a burden? Why do I cause so much pain?

I wish I could see Jesus. Only He can truly understand the pain my heart feels right now.