Feet breath's Blog – November 2012 Archive (9)

I'm tired of all this sin, I want to see Jesus so much...



I'm tired of the flashbacks. I'm tired of knowing I'm having such a hard time getting someone to talk to in person.



Am I a stumbling block to the Body of Christ? I complain too much...Do I take peoples' eyes off of Jesus?



When will I heal? When will I just be able to move on with my my life?



I just want to curl up into a courner and cry. Is it normal that I still need time to… Continue

I'm glad I'm alive. I realize I was so close to death.

Honestly, it helps me to appriciate life more. People try to block the very thought of dieing from their minds as much as possible. I realize though life is more than big houses and shiny cars, money and material posessions.

 

In today's society life is cheapened. Death is glorified.

 

So many people don't understand how fragile this life really is. Every breath is a gift from God. Every time…

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I'm like a big kid. I like things a child would like. I get amused easily.

 

I like kid things. Looney Tunes [especially the Tazmanian shedevil,Taz's wife].  I like Disney's 101/102 Dalmatians and I like the Rugrats and Snoopy. My favorite Winnie the Pooh chacter is Eeyore. Although I haven't seen it in a long time. My favorite part on Sesseme Street is "Rubber Duckey". lol

 

I took a class in 10th grade on child development. Too bad I didn't contniue the class to…

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I remember I was in the 11th grade envioronmental science class. A boy was hungrey so I gave him some chips. Big mistake. :( It turns out a little later on his arms started itching...he was allergic. I think there was cheese or something that he was allergic to.

 

He didn't come back to school for quite awhile. He was in the hosptial getting his stomach pumped...he could have died. I guess that's something I haven't forgiven myself for...

 

:sighs: I tried to be…

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My parents and I went up to the mall. My mom took me into the Hallmark store. I got to pick out a few Snoopy things. :)

 

Anyways, one of the things I got was a plush Snoopy. He's holding Woodstock,giving him a hug. On the inside of the tag it reads "Happiness is knowing someone cares."

 

I can relate to that. When someone cares it really helps make us feel better. I realize so much of my life it hasn't seemed like people cared. And you know what they didn't. Not…

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I'm remember stuff that has been lodged so deep into my soul. I forgot about this until very recently. I remember it wasn't only being asked if I shaved my legs...I was also told I need to wax my eyebrows....this came from my friend. That was common though to be told/asked about shaving my legs and waxing my eyebrows. It was kind of common like when a boy used to say call me nappy hair. Ether I'm going delusional or...I think  atleast one time he even made up a little song/jingle about…

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I also locked up a passion that I would eventually forget about.

 

I was like 8 or 9. It was the 2nd grade. We went to some kind of Carnagy museum or something like that.

 

Anyways, it had a whole bunch of stuff. I remember hearing that we couldn't go into the big machine unless we paid for it. I think someone ended up paying for us and we got to go in it.

 

We got to sit down. It was dark except for a screen. They took us on a tour through the human…

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I want to apolojize to everyone who has read my blogs. Forgive me for any self-pity you've seen on even just one of my blogs.

 

It's hard right now since I'm not only dealing with one flash back but a bunch of different ones. I realize though what's done is done. Thank you everyone who has put up with reading through things I've put on my blogs.

 

I guess with true healing there comes pain like a wound healing. Honestly, it does hurt. But, Jesus has found a…

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What do you do?

Ok, here's the problem. I have so much built up from over the years. I can ether lock up and contniue to hold it in or realse it. Locking up won't help. Yet, if I realse it than it's like a flood pouring into my soul. I have to deal with what I've locked up inside and it's not just one event. It's like it's all coming at me at once. From the cats that got posioned to the bullies over the years. I have these flashbacks that I'm reliving through. I'm not reliving…

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