Krista Running's Page

I don't consider myself to be disabled, but to others, I appear to be. Growing up, being hearing impaired was a curse, I went though so much that I really thought I was on God's hate list, that I must have done SOMETHING wrong in order for him to hate me and give me this hearing loss. I stopped believing in him when I was seven, grade two. From the time I was seven until I was twenty one, I didn't believe in him. I truly felt he hated me and I was just biding my time until death ultimately came to me. When I was twenty one, I was diagnosed with depression. The main cause of my depression was a very bad break up, plus losing a job I loved. My mom finally dragged me to a local church and we sat in the second front row. Pastor Eric (Lead Pastor) came up and introduced himself, I was very good at fake smiling, but felt like he knew I was faking it so I couldn't really look at him. Then Pastor Randy (Music guy... not sure his official title really) introduced himself. He was very outgoing and friendly, I found myself smiling, real smiles. After church, Mom asked me in the car how I liked it and I just broke down. I told her I still was mad at God, that I hated him. She asked why, I told her I hated having a hearing problem and it's his fault, it's his fault I've been hurt so much and been though so much pain and misery. I asked her why she brought me there, to hurt me more? She replied "Of course not. God loves you, I want you to see that. You need God in your life, and this is how you're going to get it."
That was just this past November ... 2009. I joined several small groups and now have a church family that I love, I feel like I'm one of them, normal so to speak. I felt accepted, something I don't normally feel anywhere else. It's a true blessing to be a part of my church and be able to worship God. I know now that evil was taking control of my life as a child as I had given up hope on God. But now he has welcomed me with open arms. And I understand why he has blessed, not cursed, me with my hearing loss. I'm able to teach others compassion, verbalization, and understanding. I'm teaching people just by explaining my story, my hearing loss. And I love every minute of it. PTL. Thank you God for everything you've given me <3