reading, my grandchildren have lost interest in about everything else
I'm passionate about...
right now ??????
My story with God
I was active when young as were my parents, as times went on I never lost my faith or belief at 25 I was baptized, and then as my marriarge that never was fell apart and two children to raise I did my best. I remarried but did not know his non beliefs in God. He drank alot and right before falling ill he divorced me Jan. 2002
Other stuff about me:
My world is dark and for the past year and a half what energy I have has been protecting my now 4 year old grandson and seeing to his needs when his father was not around we lost our beautiful Kelsey July 2006 due to Sids but Nicholas and I are very close. My daughter is very sick not so much physically but she takes narcotics much more than necessary she is I am sad to say very abusive toward me and has done more to hurt me in my 48 years of living. Due to illiegal activity she has put my name of things that now I find has taken my live we tried to help her while her husband was in Iraqi she has fed him so many lies he blames all on me. With what she did and now has turned her back on me as he came home on emergency leavve due to their new baby born addited and in the hospital for a month I took care of my grandson as his mother would fall asleep in the car or be gone and it was up to my mother and I to see the child my grandson was bathed fed loved and that was easy and I would sit with the baby and hold him feed him and love him many nights but the big bad woman beater came home took the children more than a week ago and my daughter with him she continues to build lies and dig a deeper hole and with what she has done illegally it has left me with a summons for my arrest due to her illigeal acts back in March 07 when I was called to the police dept that time all I could think of was protecting my children but I did not lie as it was a surprise to me and I had no idea this was done (the summons) until two days ago I was informed my disability checks were stopped. I have no money no friends my family has no money and she has told me among other abusive acts she hopes I die. I have wondered that myself but this bit of hope that somewhere there are people who care My health is not in good condition nor my mental state of mind and living with my elderly parents they have no where to turn, my sister does not have time for me and my brother has his own family we all use to be so close and happy
Hello Gwen!!!
I think about you all the time. What is going on with you?
I just didnt want to keep bugging you. I know you are going through some major hardships and I want to tell you that Im here for you, we are all here for you. You are part of the body of Christ. Please understand that we love you, but most importantly, understand that God loves you. YOu cant grasp the VASTNESS of His love. You cant measure it, or count it. He loves us soo much that we just cannot comprehend or understand it. Its too big. The very creator of this whole universe which is soo large for us to even imagine, loves little ole us? Isnt that amazing? How could he love you? Well, you love your kids right? Well, He loves us even more than we love our kids! Its crazy but true!
Here is a good scripture to meditate on:
He is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold;
I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
the rock of my strength,
my refuge is in God.~~~~~Psalm 62:6-7
And my God shall supply your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ jesus.~~~John 7:37-38
I hope these help for now. But make time to relax, put your feet up,embrace the moment, and dive into His word. You will find refreshment for your soul.
God Bless.
Paige
Hello Gwen
You have been heavy on my heart. I sure hope that u r ok. You are soo precious to me, to Hippmom, and everyone else here. Do you realize how awesome you are? You are soo loved. Please believe me. Just think about the love God has for you!! Wow!!! He loves you soo much and wants you to persevere so He can do a mighty work in you and through you. I see Christ in you my dear friend. You are those kids "rock". Please let me know how things are. I wish I could just reach through this computer and give you a big hug.
God Bless you and your family.
~Paige
HI GWEN
I WAS HOPING TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING AND TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER. I AM FACINATED THAT YOU LOOK LIKE ME, I LOOK LIKE YOU PROBABLY SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT TO YOU. I'D LOVE TO SEE A PICTURE OF YOUR FACE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO PUT ONE ON. I WILL SEE IF I CAN FIND ONE THAT IS A LITTLE OLDER, I'VE GAINED A FEW POUNDS IN THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GIVE UP OLD COPING HABITS THAT AREN'T GOOD, LIKE SMOKING AND DRINKING, AND I'VE REPLACED IT WITH FOOD. IN MY YOUNGER DAYS I WOULD STARVE MYSELF WHEN LIFE GOT TOO TOUGH, BUT I NOW HAVE A COMPULSION TO EAT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE. THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SIZE 7 AND 11! I'LL BE 43 IN APRIL SO IT'S NOT SO EASY TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS ANYMORE. AGING'S NOT ALL THAT NICE. IT'S SEEMS THINGS REALLY STARTED TO CHANGE AT 40, IT'S AMAZING HOW IT SEEMED TO JUST SNEEK UP ON ME. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO ASK GOD FOR HELP WITH THE EATING ISSUE BEFORE IT GETS EVEN MORE OUT OF CONTROL. HE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL WITH HELPING ME WITH MY ADDICTONS OF CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL AND DRUGS SO IT'S TIME TO MOVE ONTO THE NEXT THING. IF IT'S NOT ONE THING IT'S ANOTHER, I AM BLESSED TO BE AN ADDICT, NOT!
I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR YOU AND IF YOU CAN, PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING. YOUR FRIENDSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.
Hi Gwen!!!
Isnt Hippmom cool? I love her. I have alot in common with her and you. We should all run away together for a spa treatment in the Caribeann right? Lets go!!!!
I am here for you and Hipp mom and I know you are there for me. We can do this life thing one day at a time!!!!!I think I will check out the celebraterecovery.com place too. I feel I need it and I know others will too. I also like the Romans scripture that Hippmom added too. Again, I love her. She can really help.
"God is the One who sees the whole,
His knowledge is complete;
We see but portions of the Truth
As lines that never meet.--D. De Haan
In a world of mystery, its a comfort to know the God who knows all things.
I love you!!!! Hope to hear from you soon sister.
Paige
hi gwen
i just wanted to say that while i was looking thru the members photo's i came across the picture of you and your grandson, and i thought i was looking at a picture of myself! i went to your page to see if there was a picture of your face straight on because from the picture of you, you look like me ( or i guess i could look like you? ) anyway i read about all that you have been going thru and i just wanted to connect with you. of course our stories are unique unto ourselves but ours are similar also from what i gather. i myself have been living thru a dark valley for the last 10 years. i have been blessed many times over throughout the 10 years also but my circumstances of the many many trials have been very intense and have pushed me to the point of not knowing if i can take anymore. i just want to encourage you with the FACTS: God will not give us anymore than we can handle, and the trials that we go thru now will be used to grow us even more than we can know. Roman 8:28 tells us that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him. that has been my one scripture that i have clung to at the times when i can't see Him in my life. i have been blessed with a wonderful church with a TRUE family who have shown me more love and compassion in the last 3 years than the last 10 with my worldly family. i just wanted to also share with you about the Celebrate Recovery program that God has planted in my church. i would strongly encourage you to seek out in your area any churches that are involved with that ministry. it has been such a blessing to myself and my children. it's whole purpose is to help us let God help us to recover from life. it's about the hurts, hangups, and habits. i myself need it so much and God IS faithful. HE IS here to help us and love us and that all things ARE possible. nothing is too big for HIM. it has truely help me keep and grow my faith more than i thought was possible. i believe you can search the website WWW.celebraterecovery.com for any groups in your area. my prayer for you is that God will lead you to a local group that will be available for you, your parents and your grandson. just remember that HE is your true father and we are all your brothers and sisters and we are suposed to do life together. you are not alone and you need to find your true family in the faith that can surround you and love on you the way that we were made to love and be loved.
God bless you and your family. you are wonderful and i will keep you in my prayers.
love from your (twin?) sister in Christ,
Debi
HI GWEN,
I AM NEW TO THIS SITE SO I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS HOW ITS DONE BUT I'D LIKE TO BE ADDED TO YOUR FRIENDS.
I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT ABOUT 3 HOURS WRITING TO YOU BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD AT TYPING AND I ERASED ITS ALL ON ACCIDENT. I'M NOT THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY!
I'LL HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN BUT NOT NOW. I GOTTA GO REFEREE MY 2 GIRLS. THERES ALWAYS SOME KIND OF DRAMA AT MY HOUSE. THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT GOD WILL NEVER GIVE ME MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE.
LOVE,
DEBI
Thank you so much for reaching out for my hand in friendship. Though I am coming in a little late, I thank God for the numerous advices the other brethren have gone out of their way to give you. I was particularly touched by Miss Paige’s narration for going by looks, nobody would imagine the pains and trials we individually undergo! My word to you is one loaded with hope. I post it here deliberately for you never know who else it may help.
Gwen, it is unfortunate that only times of intense trials tend to move people to seek God, but such has been often temporary. You will be surprised but, too often, this is due to the church not being what it should be. Yet the quiet, internal desperation, worry, frustration and uncertainty you are experiencing may continue to prevail. Most of us are all good at keeping secrets (and stupidly dying in silence) lest others think we are weak or "lacking faith" as if it is sin to feel desperation, anger, worry, fear, or panic. These things are normal human experiences my sister, to echo the context of Paige’s advice. What defines whether they are sin or not is based upon how we handle them and what we do with the thoughts and emotions that flow from them. I sincerely thank you for finding the courage to lay your heart bare for all for therein, is hope!
Let me start by rehearsing what we know from Scripture. First, you must remember that whatever our circumstances God will never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Second, you must remember that God will never tempt you beyond what you can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Third, please stand reminded that in this life we do have trouble-because it is a fallen world…and in the hands of the devil-but NEVER FORGET that Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33)!! Yet just knowing these truths is not enough. We must BELIEVE them. Faith is BELIEVING the promises of God and acting upon them whether we feel like it or not. This is the challenge…perhaps it is the one thing that needs fine-tuning in your circumstances.
As believing Christians, never can we say that we cannot have victory because we HAVE IT already…by faith (Mark 9:23, Philippians 4:13). Never are we justified to say that we cannot have hope or joy as the devil is pushing you to believe (Philippians 4:4) because that is the right of every child of God you and me included! Never are we justified to stay in a state of desperation, though external circumstances could be very desperate indeed as your case appears to portray: no money, no love, no caring family ad infinitum!. We must believe that the Scripture is truth when it says "the steadfast of mind…will keep in perfect peace.” We must believe that statement, and then we must act upon it by setting our minds upon Christ. So faith is not passive, but it is active. This is why the Scripture says that faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Faith that is true faith leads to change, and faith is what is needed to break us out of a state of desperation and frustration.
Sister Gwen, all I would choose to advice you is to cast your eyes on Christ and to start living from today as your DAY ONE! Forget about the past: the failures, the betrayals, the denials, the rejection etc. Lastly, You will be surprised to know that perhaps I understand you better than you would really think. Please open up your Bible and read GENESIS 37 - 41
Then, let me know these:
1. What mistake did JOSEPH do to be sold into slavery by his own brothers?
2. What mistake did he do to be thrown into prison?
3. What mistake did he commit to be forgotten by the butler?
If you can answer the above sincerely then you will know why it is not by chance that you are where you are…and in the circumstances you are in and now decry. Let the potter mould you dear, the finishing will be a master-piece! Will be glad to hear from you dear.
Be blessed and stay focussed for He loves and cares for you!
Gwen May the peace of God rest with you,
I welcome u on this exiting site and i believe that God through this site will bless u real good.I read ur story and what i am led to tell u now is that God will turn all the mess u've gone through for a testimony of joy and ur pease will be that of the overfowing of the sea all through the earth,u are blessed and i believe that the challenges u went through were foe a blessing.i am a friend indeed and u can post ur prayer request to me at anytime and i will agree with u in prayers,Stay bless
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Hello Gwen!!!
I think about you all the time. What is going on with you?
I just didnt want to keep bugging you. I know you are going through some major hardships and I want to tell you that Im here for you, we are all here for you. You are part of the body of Christ. Please understand that we love you, but most importantly, understand that God loves you. YOu cant grasp the VASTNESS of His love. You cant measure it, or count it. He loves us soo much that we just cannot comprehend or understand it. Its too big. The very creator of this whole universe which is soo large for us to even imagine, loves little ole us? Isnt that amazing? How could he love you? Well, you love your kids right? Well, He loves us even more than we love our kids! Its crazy but true!
Here is a good scripture to meditate on:
He is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold;
I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
the rock of my strength,
my refuge is in God.~~~~~Psalm 62:6-7
And my God shall supply your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ jesus.~~~John 7:37-38
I hope these help for now. But make time to relax, put your feet up,embrace the moment, and dive into His word. You will find refreshment for your soul.
God Bless.
Paige
You have been heavy on my heart. I sure hope that u r ok. You are soo precious to me, to Hippmom, and everyone else here. Do you realize how awesome you are? You are soo loved. Please believe me. Just think about the love God has for you!! Wow!!! He loves you soo much and wants you to persevere so He can do a mighty work in you and through you. I see Christ in you my dear friend. You are those kids "rock". Please let me know how things are. I wish I could just reach through this computer and give you a big hug.
God Bless you and your family.
~Paige
I WAS HOPING TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING AND TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER. I AM FACINATED THAT YOU LOOK LIKE ME, I LOOK LIKE YOU PROBABLY SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT TO YOU. I'D LOVE TO SEE A PICTURE OF YOUR FACE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO PUT ONE ON. I WILL SEE IF I CAN FIND ONE THAT IS A LITTLE OLDER, I'VE GAINED A FEW POUNDS IN THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GIVE UP OLD COPING HABITS THAT AREN'T GOOD, LIKE SMOKING AND DRINKING, AND I'VE REPLACED IT WITH FOOD. IN MY YOUNGER DAYS I WOULD STARVE MYSELF WHEN LIFE GOT TOO TOUGH, BUT I NOW HAVE A COMPULSION TO EAT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE. THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SIZE 7 AND 11! I'LL BE 43 IN APRIL SO IT'S NOT SO EASY TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS ANYMORE. AGING'S NOT ALL THAT NICE. IT'S SEEMS THINGS REALLY STARTED TO CHANGE AT 40, IT'S AMAZING HOW IT SEEMED TO JUST SNEEK UP ON ME. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO ASK GOD FOR HELP WITH THE EATING ISSUE BEFORE IT GETS EVEN MORE OUT OF CONTROL. HE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL WITH HELPING ME WITH MY ADDICTONS OF CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL AND DRUGS SO IT'S TIME TO MOVE ONTO THE NEXT THING. IF IT'S NOT ONE THING IT'S ANOTHER, I AM BLESSED TO BE AN ADDICT, NOT!
I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR YOU AND IF YOU CAN, PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING. YOUR FRIENDSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.
Isnt Hippmom cool? I love her. I have alot in common with her and you. We should all run away together for a spa treatment in the Caribeann right? Lets go!!!!
I am here for you and Hipp mom and I know you are there for me. We can do this life thing one day at a time!!!!!I think I will check out the celebraterecovery.com place too. I feel I need it and I know others will too. I also like the Romans scripture that Hippmom added too. Again, I love her. She can really help.
"God is the One who sees the whole,
His knowledge is complete;
We see but portions of the Truth
As lines that never meet.--D. De Haan
In a world of mystery, its a comfort to know the God who knows all things.
I love you!!!! Hope to hear from you soon sister.
Paige
i just wanted to say that while i was looking thru the members photo's i came across the picture of you and your grandson, and i thought i was looking at a picture of myself! i went to your page to see if there was a picture of your face straight on because from the picture of you, you look like me ( or i guess i could look like you? ) anyway i read about all that you have been going thru and i just wanted to connect with you. of course our stories are unique unto ourselves but ours are similar also from what i gather. i myself have been living thru a dark valley for the last 10 years. i have been blessed many times over throughout the 10 years also but my circumstances of the many many trials have been very intense and have pushed me to the point of not knowing if i can take anymore. i just want to encourage you with the FACTS: God will not give us anymore than we can handle, and the trials that we go thru now will be used to grow us even more than we can know. Roman 8:28 tells us that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him. that has been my one scripture that i have clung to at the times when i can't see Him in my life. i have been blessed with a wonderful church with a TRUE family who have shown me more love and compassion in the last 3 years than the last 10 with my worldly family. i just wanted to also share with you about the Celebrate Recovery program that God has planted in my church. i would strongly encourage you to seek out in your area any churches that are involved with that ministry. it has been such a blessing to myself and my children. it's whole purpose is to help us let God help us to recover from life. it's about the hurts, hangups, and habits. i myself need it so much and God IS faithful. HE IS here to help us and love us and that all things ARE possible. nothing is too big for HIM. it has truely help me keep and grow my faith more than i thought was possible. i believe you can search the website WWW.celebraterecovery.com for any groups in your area. my prayer for you is that God will lead you to a local group that will be available for you, your parents and your grandson. just remember that HE is your true father and we are all your brothers and sisters and we are suposed to do life together. you are not alone and you need to find your true family in the faith that can surround you and love on you the way that we were made to love and be loved.
God bless you and your family. you are wonderful and i will keep you in my prayers.
love from your (twin?) sister in Christ,
Debi
I AM NEW TO THIS SITE SO I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS HOW ITS DONE BUT I'D LIKE TO BE ADDED TO YOUR FRIENDS.
I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT ABOUT 3 HOURS WRITING TO YOU BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD AT TYPING AND I ERASED ITS ALL ON ACCIDENT. I'M NOT THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY!
I'LL HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN BUT NOT NOW. I GOTTA GO REFEREE MY 2 GIRLS. THERES ALWAYS SOME KIND OF DRAMA AT MY HOUSE. THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT GOD WILL NEVER GIVE ME MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE.
LOVE,
DEBI
Miss you.
Been thinking of you. I miss you.
Please let me know how u r.
Paige
Thank you so much for reaching out for my hand in friendship. Though I am coming in a little late, I thank God for the numerous advices the other brethren have gone out of their way to give you. I was particularly touched by Miss Paige’s narration for going by looks, nobody would imagine the pains and trials we individually undergo! My word to you is one loaded with hope. I post it here deliberately for you never know who else it may help.
Gwen, it is unfortunate that only times of intense trials tend to move people to seek God, but such has been often temporary. You will be surprised but, too often, this is due to the church not being what it should be. Yet the quiet, internal desperation, worry, frustration and uncertainty you are experiencing may continue to prevail. Most of us are all good at keeping secrets (and stupidly dying in silence) lest others think we are weak or "lacking faith" as if it is sin to feel desperation, anger, worry, fear, or panic. These things are normal human experiences my sister, to echo the context of Paige’s advice. What defines whether they are sin or not is based upon how we handle them and what we do with the thoughts and emotions that flow from them. I sincerely thank you for finding the courage to lay your heart bare for all for therein, is hope!
Let me start by rehearsing what we know from Scripture. First, you must remember that whatever our circumstances God will never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Second, you must remember that God will never tempt you beyond what you can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Third, please stand reminded that in this life we do have trouble-because it is a fallen world…and in the hands of the devil-but NEVER FORGET that Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33)!! Yet just knowing these truths is not enough. We must BELIEVE them. Faith is BELIEVING the promises of God and acting upon them whether we feel like it or not. This is the challenge…perhaps it is the one thing that needs fine-tuning in your circumstances.
As believing Christians, never can we say that we cannot have victory because we HAVE IT already…by faith (Mark 9:23, Philippians 4:13). Never are we justified to say that we cannot have hope or joy as the devil is pushing you to believe (Philippians 4:4) because that is the right of every child of God you and me included! Never are we justified to stay in a state of desperation, though external circumstances could be very desperate indeed as your case appears to portray: no money, no love, no caring family ad infinitum!. We must believe that the Scripture is truth when it says "the steadfast of mind…will keep in perfect peace.” We must believe that statement, and then we must act upon it by setting our minds upon Christ. So faith is not passive, but it is active. This is why the Scripture says that faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Faith that is true faith leads to change, and faith is what is needed to break us out of a state of desperation and frustration.
Sister Gwen, all I would choose to advice you is to cast your eyes on Christ and to start living from today as your DAY ONE! Forget about the past: the failures, the betrayals, the denials, the rejection etc. Lastly, You will be surprised to know that perhaps I understand you better than you would really think. Please open up your Bible and read GENESIS 37 - 41
Then, let me know these:
1. What mistake did JOSEPH do to be sold into slavery by his own brothers?
2. What mistake did he do to be thrown into prison?
3. What mistake did he commit to be forgotten by the butler?
If you can answer the above sincerely then you will know why it is not by chance that you are where you are…and in the circumstances you are in and now decry. Let the potter mould you dear, the finishing will be a master-piece! Will be glad to hear from you dear.
Be blessed and stay focussed for He loves and cares for you!
Your friend from Kenya-Pst. Bernhard
I welcome u on this exiting site and i believe that God through this site will bless u real good.I read ur story and what i am led to tell u now is that God will turn all the mess u've gone through for a testimony of joy and ur pease will be that of the overfowing of the sea all through the earth,u are blessed and i believe that the challenges u went through were foe a blessing.i am a friend indeed and u can post ur prayer request to me at anytime and i will agree with u in prayers,Stay bless
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