All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Information

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

Members: 223
Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

25 members like this

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

View All

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER to add comments!

Comment by Jayaseelan Samuel on January 15, 2011 at 7:45am: Dear Lord,
For a long time I am longing for family prayer in the morning and evening, but I could not see that in the current situation,Lord I pray for my wife and myself to come to your presence in family prayer everyday.
In Jesus Name I pray, Amen

Comment by MYu on January 14, 2011 at 5:11am: Hey Rick, you're welcome! I just wish to inspire people with the joy and peace that I feel after meeting a special guy whom I truly believe is God-sent. We are in a happy place but we both know that only God knows the future and we both decided to leave it all up to Him to dictate upon us where to go with what we have. Believe me, there is a lot less pressure being in this kind of disposition... not that you waive all responsibility for your actions in connection to the relationship but one becomes more assured that there is much wisdom in decisions one makes because he/she allowed God to take control and not his/her own will.

If I may be candid... oh wow, you started early... 12 ? Lol! If I did start at that age... I think I may have burnt out by now. Relationships do take energy. Thank you for being so open about your colorful life. There is much to learn from the insights you shared about it.

Don't worry about that woman God will send you... she'll take it all if she loves God, and if you both love each other. God bless! (",)

Comment by MYu on January 13, 2011 at 1:34pm: Rick, what a funny disposition... thinking you can be a punishment to the woman God will give you to. If it's from God, it will always be a perfect match, don't worry. And He prepares you for the Godly woman He has in mind for you even before you were born. He'll change your heart and you'll be surprised... she's just there in front of you! (",)

I hope you enjoy being in this group! God bless you! Read the book of Tobit if you can.

Comment by MYu on January 12, 2011 at 9:58am: That was a funny video -- "8 Simple Rules of Christian Dating". Just watched it now. Thanks David! (",)

Comment by David Velasquez on January 11, 2011 at 11:56pm: Glad you like it sis Robbin.

Sure will bro Jay.

Comment by David Velasquez on January 11, 2011 at 5:12pm

Comment by Soldier on December 26, 2010 at 10:16pm: Folks, help or hurt, not for me to decide. I simply wish to give something God gave me moments ago. I had posted a while back about in a different group praying and asking for the "fleshly heart" to get out of the way so the true God's Spirit Filled heart could take control. I got tired of wrestling with this.

I write this to simply state, it is the flesh that fills pain. God doesnt will pain on anyone. Our fleshly hearts wrestle with "do I" or "dont I" and we let the ways of MAN govern our acitons so often.

Dont have the verses close at hand but God teaches..."if you seek My ways through prayer and study of my word, I will draw close to you and reveal My will to you." (Soldier paraphrased version). We get so scared to let our hearts out in the open for fear of pain or rejection. For me, it's letting MAN established policies that make me want to "keep control". I revealed my heart tonight and guys, what a feeling! I was able to do this without hesitation because, dont misunderstand, there is a LONG way to go with my personal releationship with God, I have longed to seek Gods will in so many places in my life. He has been so faithful! See, by my seeking God's Will first, I knew that revealing that part of the heart, there is/would be nothing to fear.

I dont know how this post will be taken. All I can say...God had me put it here. I dont second guess what is placed on my heart to say (write) anymore. I simply obey. May God's richest blessings fall upon you as the refreshing spring time rain! Soldier

Comment by Soldier on December 5, 2010 at 2:25am: Hello friends. I thought I'd put two cents in on the online dating thing. I have read any of the discussion as I didn't want it to cast any shadow on my thoughts.
In the electronic age, I'm sure all of us are/would be aware of the physical /financial dangers of the practice. Therefore, I'll skip writing that paragraph.
Just because one should meet another on a "Christian" site, this does NOT make them legitimate. Remember, Satan is the great deceiver. I can only address this from my own experience.
There are so many factors that play in this, I can't list them all. What I will say is that I have removed the word coincidence from my vocabulary. I do NOT chat. ( at least not prior to recent events). I do not wish to reveal too much as 50% of this story does belong to someone else. I'll simply say, with events in our lives, it WAS NOT coincidence that put the two of us (if can say here, the ONLY two)in that room on that minute, in that hour, in that day. Yeah, many may begin that road of "be careful " at this point and we were. Identities weren't revealed until later, the usual cautious approach. What makes this, to me, so unique is that we've learned, understand, accept and continue to pray that God will steer this. There are obstacles out there. However, we know that if this is God's plan for our "chatting" relationship to grow to something more permanent, there will be no obstacles for "us" to overcome.
Again, some would say "its coincidence","its nice that events happen to fit the circumstances", well, we know better. God continues to present things to us individually that causes us to simply stop and say "Wow! We truly have an amazing God!".
On a Droid and battery about to die so I'll end with this. Online dating, good or bad, I have no opinion. All I can attest to, stop worrying about who, what, when, where, and HOW. Draw close to God as yourself. You get close to Him, you'll see that truly, He's the author of faithfulness and He cares for His own.

Comment by David Velasquez on December 3, 2010 at 3:32am: Soldier,

Sorry for my late response man but I tend to wait until the Spirit tells me to respond on some occasions. Thank you for your kind words, praise God. I am very glad to hear you say that you feel like you don't deserve the young lady God has placed in your life. I think that as long as we do not suffer from any self esteem issues and do not fall into extremes, thinking of your significant other in such a way is a good thing. You know you want to treat her good and so all is well.

we fully understand and have spoken to each other that we individually must seek God's path for ourselves. If this relationship is a part of that path, she and I shouldn't have to do much as far as "extra work" would go.

Awesome.

Yes God hates divorce but from the little I know about your situation I know in your case God has giving you a way out and I am very glad to hear you did seek to reconcile the relationship though you were the offended party. I also understand that every story has two sides beloved and I pray and hope that your soul is fine with God primarily about this whole thing.

Have you guys established a corporate prayer time and study time? Are you guys fellowshipping in the same church whenever possible?

Blessings to you my brother and your girl. May our Lord be #1 in both your hearts.

Comment by Soldier on November 5, 2010 at 10:43pm: Say David, I don't know where ur from. But dude, you gotta have the fastest fingers around as much individual replying you do. God Bless you for doing so much. I gotta admit, despite the fact I have applied the "9 factors " dude, God has placed a really super supper young lady in my life that I have so often felt that I didn't deserve. Not to deviate from the "9 factors", we are both close in age and that we have such painful histories, we fully understand and have spoken to each other that we individually must seek God's path for ourselves. If this relationship is a part of that path, she and I shouldn't have to do much as far as "extra work" would go.
I have to admit, I found AAG for the intent of my other group membership. Yes, I understand God hates divorce. I chose early on to pursue reconciliation despite the infidelity on her part. She chose/has chosen to run from it and from God. God told me a week ago that it was time. I drove to the house where they live to offer forgiveness to both. After she was questioning my motive, and made I move at me in violence, I knew it was done. God asked. I followed.
This new lady in my life is probably the most Godly woman I've ever known. I mean not just talking about God, I mean truly being open DAILY to what God has for her. Yeah, we know what we want. We want what HE wants for us more.
Thank you again for your individual concern for so many people. God Bless you.

‹ Previous
1
…
7
8
9
10
11
…
14
Next ›

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Information

Discussion Forum

What Is Courtship?

God Works in Mysterious Ways..LoL!

Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Why Your Spouse May Irritate You ?

Christ Centered Relationships Pt 1

Is flirting harmless?

finding and keeping a life partner

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Comment Wall

You need to be a member of FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER to add comments!

Members (222)

The Good News

Meet Face-to-Face & Collaborate