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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

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Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

What Is Courtship?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by David Velasquez Jun 22, 2013. 8 Replies

What Is Courtship?Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for…Continue

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Started by Ricprimus. Last reply by Ricprimus May 16, 2013. 3 Replies

   As many of you know back at the end of January I met a fellow artist at the local University’s coffee shop who was working on her Master’s degree in photography and painting.  Annea had been…Continue

Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Apr 23, 2013. 18 Replies

Starting, assessing, evaluating, analyzing, nurturing ... "doing our homework on" a relationship is soooo exhausting! I just want this God-given man to land on my lap without lifting a finger!…Continue

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

Is online dating really safe and acceptable for Christians?Many people are apprehensive at first about online dating. This is a normal reaction because it is fear of the unknown.However, online…Continue

Why Your Spouse May Irritate You ?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jessi Perez Oct 10, 2012. 1 Reply

 Keeping a life partner can only be successfully done through Christ.  Continue

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What does it mean to have a Christ Centered Relationship?   Continue

Is flirting harmless?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Aug 18, 2011. 13 Replies

Is flirting harmless? hahahaContinue

finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

In his book "I kissed dating goodbye", Joshua Harris says that it is better for us to stay even without kissing. He argues that a kiss is part of the sexual process and so must not be part of our…Continue

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Comment by Soldier on June 4, 2011 at 10:38pm
Where'd everybody go?
Comment by MYu on May 18, 2011 at 7:16am

 

Hey Soldier, I agree to what some people say that friendship is the best foundation for a good solid marriage/relationship. I think it's the way friends communicate... the uninhibited outpouring of emotions and thoughts between bestfriends and the genuine interest for the welfare of the other from the one listening...that make it a good basis for a more lasting relationship/marriage. I pray that you'd continue to have this with your special lady now as you allow God to work things out for the two of you in the most delightful way.  Best wishes! (",)

Comment by Texanbrit on May 18, 2011 at 7:02am
Soldier- firstly I would like to sat thank you for your service to God and country, that alone is reason for high respect.

Given your service makes your story even more painful and admirable, you will be in my prayers as you go through the life changing event that you are going through currently, I pray that God will provide for your every need in every way and that you will have His protection at every moment.
Comment by Soldier on May 16, 2011 at 1:13pm

Howdy folks! I had something told me today that I had to share and add a bit to. A very special person remarked to me this morning how amazing it was that she and I could carry a conversation as we were doing and she feel as though it was a conversation that she could be having with her bestist (for a little humor, had to throw the East Texas modified version of the word in there) friend. My response to her was simply this question..."Isnt that how strong relationships are founded?". Not to share the conversation with all of AAG, simply to state that as much as one may try to "work at creating a relationship", when "we" try, "we" will fail. If we place our thoughts, focus, mind on what God's will is for us, there is no need for "us" (flesh) to work at it. I hope Im making sense with this. Yall have a blessed day.

Comment by MYu on May 3, 2011 at 6:56am
Akua, I love this... "Our God He is faithful and will never give you what will HURT you!" -- Simply put for those who are hurting and feel like blaming God for their pain. Thanks!
Comment by David Velasquez on May 3, 2011 at 1:24am

Soldier -

 

Actually, I thank you and Mac for contributing. I created the groups for that very purpose. :)

 

Dasita-

 

Blessings to you sis and thanks for sharing as well.

 

Akua-

 

Excellent post my sis. :)

Comment by Soldier on April 26, 2011 at 10:55am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucWK6fkGsAE

 

Guys, I hate to be writing here so much. Pastor David is gonna kick me out because I dominate so much page space! I caught a discussion of a Young Lady in a site which I cant respond. Those whom had replied pretty much did so in a way that I would've.

All Id like to add to it is this. 1 Peter 5:6-11 Yeah, Ive posted that many times before. Secondly, let God's Spirit rain down on you like the life giving rain from heaven. Cause once His Spirit is all over you, then, the pain, the trials, the disappointments this flesh causes due to our sin, it all goes away. All He asks, "Let me have it".

Comment by Soldier on April 25, 2011 at 11:31am
All, sorry if you feel that I respond too slowly. I can only see this page from work. My phone wont display posts. Ha Ha! if you look at my pics, you'll see why I dont have the most "up to date" internet capapbilities from my home. I live in the country.  BTW-just to share some humor, I tried to convince someone that I was sooo far out in the rural area that I still used an outhouse (outdoor toilet), Well, that person was too smart. The bait wasnt consumed. Y'all have a great and blessed day.
Comment by MYu on April 21, 2011 at 9:32pm

 

Soldier, I feel like telling you... God's miracle is all over your story. For someone who's been through loneliness, bitterness, depression, and what have you... and still be able to haul yourself from it all and cling to the Lord's promise of a peaceful and joyous life, is a show of a miraculous strength that can only come from God... because you chose to turn to Him...  A choice I made myself when I needed healing and was stuck for almost 2 years of being "unwell".  I thought that healing will come from the person who made me unwell... or perhaps from another who can wash away the remnants of what is making me unwell. But I never got better, I still woke up each morning with the feeling that I wished I never did.  Sleeping became the best alternative to the peace I was seeking.  Until I was led to this site, I came here to seek understanding of all things happening in my life back then, to grow in His Word in the online Bible of this site and maybe, just maybe, receive His grace of knowing and enlightenment, and eventually total healing.  God's mercy and generosity is truly infinite for I was given so much more from this site... I've been blessed with the peace and joy that God promised to those who remain in Him.  And God is indeed faithful if you just keep your focus on what He wills for you... He will provide!  It can only be from the Divine that I met someone here, unusual and extraordinary instant but nonetheless it happened... a chance meeting but clearly Divinely planned... A Godly man whom God made me feel to be someone representing what is all good about being alive. A God-centered man whom I believe was brought into my life to let me know HE was listening to what was in my heart and that the hope and deliverance I needed from HIM to get well was way present in the near horizon if I choose to just move forward to fulfill HIS will and purpose. Will this Godly man be by my side as I take that walk? Only God knows. BUT one thing is sure... God never backs out of  His promised deliverance... His plan is always perfect and complete.

Comment by Soldier on April 21, 2011 at 8:50am
I just left some comments in another group that I belong to that are very fitting here as well. My Brother Jaudat, man, you are squarely hitting the nail on the head!  I have finally come to realize (dont miss understand, I still have to stop and remind myself), we have and serve a Mighty God! He is powerful enough to level mountains while gentle enough to create the rose petal floating in the wind. This mortal flesh we live in is guarunteed for one thing and one thing only....screwing things up (sin). We, flesh, try to fix, accomplish, repair, construct, our lives, well, where does it gets us? ALways worse than when 'we' started. I wont go into detail as to why Im here. If you track back on some post, I reckon you can put the peices together. God simply wants US. He stands ready to work our lives to where He wants us to be. That IS NOT a life of lonliness, bitterness, depresssion, or other emotional states. He what's us to have joy found in a close walk with Him. Stop worrying about "the one". Focus your time on your individual relationship with God our Father, brother Rosary, you play here, that is by learning more of Him in the Word and time on your knees in prayer. I am saying this not because it sounds good ( I stress again, I have a LONG way to go myself)I say it because I am 40 pounds lighter than what I used to be due to items listed above. I turned to My God, striving to walk with Him. I gave up the "flesh" means of "looking". WOW! A single person, in AAG chat, on a Wend back in October! WOW! A Godly Woman after Gods heart! Stop relying on the flesh, the flesh will get you no where but depression, lonliness...no need to repeat. God knows, He cares, He desires joy of us all. Let HIM GIVE it to you!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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