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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

Members: 223
Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

What Is Courtship?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by David Velasquez Jun 22, 2013. 8 Replies

What Is Courtship?Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for…Continue

God Works in Mysterious Ways..LoL!

Started by Ricprimus. Last reply by Ricprimus May 16, 2013. 3 Replies

   As many of you know back at the end of January I met a fellow artist at the local University’s coffee shop who was working on her Master’s degree in photography and painting.  Annea had been…Continue

Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Apr 23, 2013. 18 Replies

Starting, assessing, evaluating, analyzing, nurturing ... "doing our homework on" a relationship is soooo exhausting! I just want this God-given man to land on my lap without lifting a finger!…Continue

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

Is online dating really safe and acceptable for Christians?Many people are apprehensive at first about online dating. This is a normal reaction because it is fear of the unknown.However, online…Continue

Why Your Spouse May Irritate You ?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jessi Perez Oct 10, 2012. 1 Reply

 Keeping a life partner can only be successfully done through Christ.  Continue

Christ Centered Relationships Pt 1

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jasper Andrew Apr 27, 2012. 5 Replies

What does it mean to have a Christ Centered Relationship?   Continue

Is flirting harmless?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Aug 18, 2011. 13 Replies

Is flirting harmless? hahahaContinue

finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

In his book "I kissed dating goodbye", Joshua Harris says that it is better for us to stay even without kissing. He argues that a kiss is part of the sexual process and so must not be part of our…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by David Velasquez on December 24, 2011 at 7:48am

Thank you Chuck and Mac for your love and freindship to us all.

 

Blessings and love to you both.

Comment by MYu on December 19, 2011 at 12:11am

Christ the Savior is born! HE became man and lived among us so that we may have the truth, the way, and the life.  Rest in the glory that HE died so that we may live.  May you sleep in that Heavenly Peace, YOU are saved because God's LOVE is infinite ! MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my friends here in AAG.

Comment by MYu on December 18, 2011 at 11:52pm

Comment by Soldier on December 10, 2011 at 3:19pm

All, I havent been here in a while. There has been talk of  50% of things in this page for many months. Words that I have felt lead to place here have been words, hopefully, to encourage those who are "seeking", dont get wrapped up the "seeking" of what this world can give. This is only temporary. What is eternal is to seek Him in all things. In Matthew, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow, today has enough of its own. In mid 2010, God put me at place that made that so real. Not saying what I He has done now is the "reward" for me learning this. It is a testament of  (my words now) what I dealt with, what suffering I had to endure, He knew all along what He was doing. I simply was placing it the context of "this world". I am so excited, so thankful, so undeserving of what He has done for me since 2010. If I say this wrong, I'd bet the other 50% will correct me. WE know the meeting of us in this very site was not by accident. God was simply preparing the stage for a long time for her and I to meet her in Oct of 2010. I hope this can be an encouragement to all who read that truly, seek Him FIRST, all other will right where it should be.  God Bless you ALL!UandI.jpg

Comment by David Velasquez on November 9, 2011 at 11:12am

Good word Soldier.

Comment by Soldier on October 28, 2011 at 2:10pm

My brother Daniel, as I said in a different group, I simply like to think Im typing and its God guiding the words.

I only feel the need to place this. Take a moment to read Matthew 6:25-34. Please, read the passage first before reading on.     tic toc tic toc tic toc tic toc

Ok, now I ask you one question. Why did you post that comment below?  JESUS CHRIST, the perfect Son which was GOD the Creator, in flesh on Earth, in His words said, don't worry, I've got your back.

33-"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His rightesness, and all these things shall be added unto you"

 

Isaiah 40:31. Grab your wings my brother!

Comment by daniel bryan curry on October 28, 2011 at 3:25am
i am single again and am seeking a female partner wholl accept a man for himself,is nonjudgemental,nonmaterialistic,unbiased,unselfish,has a mind of her own,is honest,generous,caring,considerate,compassionate and understanding.im the male version of what im seeking in my future partner.ive been praying to both christ and god for a new partner.
Comment by MYu on October 20, 2011 at 6:22am

Today is a special day. It marks the day I met someone in AAG with whom I will be much entangled with spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally several months after. Who would have thought that fateful day will lead to the next 365 days of constant communication several times a day, which in turn proceeded to the eventual merging of two souls, mind and heart, despite the vast Pacific Ocean in between?


I share my thoughts of this momentous day so that others who are trying to find “the one” may be inspired to seek God's will instead of seeking their own desires of what or who they think the one is to be. Oh yes, I didn't come here to find someone but to seek understanding why I had to lose someone and why I was not healing in terms of the pain and hurt that the loss brought my life. I was trying to look for an online Bible and found this site instead. I wanted to seek God's truth and wisdom, and I welcomed the discussions and blogging opportunities in this site. I was happy to be throwing my angst to anyone who cared to read my posts… But God had other plans. One day... I got into the chat room, which I could not operate properly... and a few attempts after...there he was. I thought I would say hello to everyone, and as I did... he responded like he's the only one I said hello to. (",) ... And the rest is history. 365 days after and we still enjoy each other's company and we still long to be with each other. Oh, but I just have 50% of the story. Maybe readers here have sensed who has the other 50%. (“,)

 

My godmother, who was a born again Christian… felt my despair during the dark times before finding AAG, and she was the one who prodded me to seek God’s will by diligently reading His Word. She said… Surrender everything to HIM and feel the lightness of being that HE promises. Well, I felt that it was the only way I have not tried yet in my attempts to get healed and move on. And that explains my efforts to find an online Bible… then I discovered the discussions… and then the blogs in this site. As I grew spiritually with the people I interact in AAG… it has become easier to surrender to the Lord Almighty my own understanding and my will. I was like Job finally saying,... I will no longer question you Lord with what happened in my life, my life is yours, do what you want to do with it. And then that fateful day in AAG chat happened. My life did make a 180 degree turn. And it’s all because I started to let go of all hardened feelings and questions and all the blame in my heart… and my miracle was… for the first time in my life since the heartbreak with my past, and upon or  right after meeting this man in AAG chat… I slept soundly for the first time… and I woke up the next day without having the past guy as the main event of my thoughts. Cringing over memories started to diminish and thoughts of the past started to fade. God heals and he restores! I finally received His promised deliverance which is perfect, complete and forever.

 

Oh no… the man was not the reason I celebrate God’s deliverance. I was not praying for him or any man… deliverance came before we started really getting to know each other. All I was praying for was… for God’s will and purpose to be made clear to me and that I may know His will and be able to abide by it so I do not do the same mistakes I’ve had in the past. I prayed for healing and wisdom so I can already move on. But what do you know…meeting this Godly man was the bonus!  LOVE has leveled up and has taken an entirely new meaning in my life. It is a love that I feel is not borne out of my fleshly instincts and standards… the love I feel now is a love I feel was placed in my heart by my wonderful, amazing God! How can love go wrong this time… if it were a Godly man you love and who loves you back?  God knows best. I just trust in HIM now. I was looking for understanding and was trying to get healed and be well again as I joined this site, and my faithful God did not only grant me that…but gave me more. I  feel blessed every time it dawns on me that a sweet Godly man has been placed in my life to love me. I now have God's peace and HIS joy as well, so much so that I think and feel that no matter what happens,… I’ll never return to that dark gloomy place from which I came from before I found what was in AAG chat 365 days ago.

Comment by Ella on October 18, 2011 at 10:16pm
I thank the Lord for revealing His plans for me. I'm 23 but I have this desire to get marry this early.hehe..But I guess God is just so GOOD that He is working all things for my good! Praises and Glory to the Father!
Comment by MYu on October 14, 2011 at 6:24pm

We can cry, we can get angry, we can give up, we can be anxious, we can be forlorn, we can be sad, we can question and blame,we can hope, we can pray, we can endure, and we can be patient and wait... we are free, with free will... we can choose. BUT we can never escape HIS LOVE. ..Ironic? ....Maybe...but where will you go? His Love is boundless, you may ignore but IT still hovers. We choose, we decide, we act... BUT...The fact remains... God is the author of our lives.

Ephesians 1:11 (GNT)

 11 All things are done according to God's plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning.

 

Isaiah 46:10 (GNT)

 10 From the beginning I predicted the outcome;
      long ago I foretold what would happen.
   I said that my plans would never fail,
      that I would do everything I intended to do.

 

Hebrews 6:17-18  (GNT)

17 To those who were to receive what he promised, God wanted to make it very clear that he would never change his purpose; so he added his vow to the promise.18 There are these two things, then, that cannot change and about which God cannot lie. So we who have found safety with him are greatly encouraged to hold firmly to the hope placed before us.

 

James 5:10-11 (GNT)

10 My friends, remember the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Take them as examples of patient endurance under suffering.11 We call them happy because they endured. You have heard of Job's patience, and you know how the Lord provided for him in the end. For the Lord is full of mercy and compassion.

 

Psalm 139: 7- 10 (GNT)

 7 Where could I go to escape from you?
      Where could I get away from your presence?
 8 If I went up to heaven, you would be there;
      if I lay down in the world of the dead, you would be there.
 9 If I flew away beyond the east
      or lived in the farthest place in the west,
 10 you would be there to lead me,

 

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