ROMANS 8:1-11

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Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 3, 2012 at 8:26am

I'll be honest with you, if she was my 9 year old & knew you felt this way about my child, I wouldn't bring her around you. Are you looking at her as spoiled when you see her? Are you already assuming when you see her "Oh my. I have to spend my time with this child again. She needs her tail popped"? You did say she was 9. You're grown. Show her love. I see you as judging this child based on the upbringing which the child has absolutely no control over. I'm sorry this sounded so harsh but I have 5 kids.  I would, personally, be able to see the disgust in your expressions toward my kid which of course, would make me not want to be around you. OK. Sorry. I took that a bit far but I think you need to consider how you treat her when she's around you. Not what she's doing but what your response could be when she does it. 

Now, you was asking do I get in the flesh? I just did so yes, we all are guilty of it.

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on July 3, 2012 at 8:57am

Taminator,

I agree with what you are saying....it does  sound like I hate this child but that isn't true.

To defend myself, I will also share this. The kinder a person tries to be to her, the worse she gets. Literally. Yesterday, before we went shopping I gave her clothes and we discussed how we were going to alter them to fit her. I took her to lunch along with everyone else. She ordered and then refused to eat what she got....but she wanted her grandmother's food which was almost exactly what she had ordered. Then, she refused to eat, saying she was full. Once back in the car, she wanted to stop and eat again. She got a travel cup at one of the stores. Because her grandmother wouldn't give her a pen to write on it, she started to pull at her hair and scratch herself. She then began to bait her grandmother to anger with her father's live-in girlfriend by saying she had said something that the girl probably hadn't said.

She has been in and out of my home since she was born. We treat her as one of our own. We have birthday parties for her, Christmas for her. She is treated as my own grandchildren are treated. When all the kids are around, we can't allow her to behave badly because of the influence she would have on them. They don't understand  why she can get away with something that they can't do. She openly tries to teach them to lie and other things of a sexual nature. Yes...at 9 years old. This isn't a child that I hate. Her birth notice hangs on my fridge...none of the other grands' notices are there. Her pic hangs on my key chain..not so with my other grands.

Tam, I really am trying to figure out how to deal with this child in a godly way. I do not know how to handle this but...I am searching for an answer.....because I know that God wants me, and the others, to work at fixing this problem. I just need more ideas.

Blessings...

Rita

Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 3, 2012 at 12:51pm

The sex thing sounds like something is there - molestation or watching something that she shouldn't be watching. I'm sure some of her actions are because of the circumstances. Not a lot you can do about that except to show her how it's suppose to be. Sorry for prejudging. It sounds like you've tried to be really patient with this baby. You should absolutely discipline her in your home.

When you was talking about the scene from yesterday, I actually got tickled. Sounds so much like the "other" twin I have. lololol. They are so bi-polar opposite. One is literally a saint & the other, well, I may have to visit him one day in Cell Block C. He's the perfect mold of a pastor's kid. Anyways, I think it's detrimental this child stay in your life just for the example you will set in her life. I'll be praying that the Lord show you exactly what needs to be said & done when she's with you. Sorry again for being so judgmental. 

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on July 3, 2012 at 2:53pm

Tam...

Being judgmental isn't a

problem. I reread what I wrote and realized I would have given anyone that opinion.

She says her father allows her to watch porn along with her 6 yr old brother. Now that might be the truth or it might be a lie. The entire situation is almost impossible were it not so sad. We have all tried to figure out what to do to change things and don't know how to do it.

Her mother doesn't have custody of them because of her drug record. When my husband was alive, she would mind every word he said with no problems. However, he has been gone for 18 months and that is 18 months she has been practicing this personality.

You know what the issue is so maybe you will come up against something with one of your children that would end up being good advice to me. If so, I would love to hear it.

(I have tried not to have to spank her but I have when it couldn't be avoided. May have to again one day.) Today she is on a train with her grandmother going to Maryland. Maybe I need to call and see if the grandmother is surviving.

Blessings.....

Rita

Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 3, 2012 at 2:57pm

LOLOL. Maybe

Permalink Reply by a servant (Chris) on July 3, 2012 at 3:51pm

For me these verses give me great comfort.  When I have fallen, the first verse give me that comfort as well as the next two.  To know that I am not under that sins control.  The next ones tell me on what I need to set my mind (thinking) on.  Not to sound "holier" then anybody else.  I just take them as direction.  To " set their minds on the things of the Spirit." So that is what I work at doing.   As I have said many times, I am a work in progress.  9-11        In verse 10 " But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. "  On this I stand in Jesus Name.  So 11 simply sets that in stone for me.  

To the other subject you have raised.  I have raised 5 kids and help with 3 others, so I understand the subject. I do not know if it is my deep voice, how I look, or how they all knew, talk was anything but cheap with me.  I think  many of answers are in what you have shared. 1. " This child is very spoiled, because of over compensation by her grandmother (my good friend), who sorrows because the granddaughter is a product of a broken marriage."  I get how divorce effects children.  That said, it does not give anyone the right to not do the right thing. 2. " This isn't a child that I hate. Her birth notice hangs on my fridge...none of the other grands' notices are there. Her pic hangs on my key chain..not so with my other grands."  Why???  Some kids mature faster than others, I did.  These kids know the score, and how to play the game.  I think she has heard far to many times, how hard this must be one her.  She sees how to get what she wants, and how to get it on a silver platter.

I never beat a child, but spanked all of mine.  The other 3 were older and at first it was a hard row to hoe.  9 yrs old was not even close to being to old to spank.  She also needs to be called out on her behavior.  I do not know how much freedom you have in doing this.  I think you would spank this child, and remind her she is only 9!  I can tell you care for this woman.  But, I do think you should not play her game.  Either hang  more birth notice on your fridge, you take hers down.  Also, do the same with your key chain.  Someone must call her out on her behavior!  Or, she will only get worse.

"She is treated as my own grandchildren are treated. When all the kids are around, we can't allow her to behave badly because of the influence she would have on them. They don't understand  why she can get away with something that they can't do."  I got to tell you, that you do not treat her as your own grandchild.  You treat her better.  And, every child knows this.  "we can't allow her to behave badly because of the influence she would have on them."  Make no mistake her influence on the other children is clear.

 Rita I Believe you are a Good Child of God.  This is why I say, stand your ground when you can.  In your home and in any other place you can.  " She is around us often but nothing we do rubs off on her," this you cannot know.  Godly influence is mightier then any other.  She needs to be call out on her behavior, and so does your friend.  I believe you have, yet with the fridge and key chain, you are falling into this child's game.  Or, you are helping your friend in her mistaken way to deal with this child.  

I do trust and hope you are able to see my heart here.  I am not judging you as a bad person.  This child needs to be put in her place, and kept there.  She is manipulating everyone, with a skill that few believe a 9 yr old can have.  I did.  I did not chose to display it the way she is, yet I had the ability at a young age.  She needs a Firm hand.  And, to another point some may ask.  I had/have good parents.  I was just one of those kids.  I had many other problems that I have shared at other times.  Yet, she knows this " product of a broken marriage," is the cash cow.  That must and needs to stop.  Life is tough for all at one point or another.  We must learn how to deal with these things.  No one is doing her any favors by letting her get away with this.  I will be Praying for this entire situation.

Lord Bless you Sister

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on July 3, 2012 at 6:09pm

Chris

I have to agree with what you have said whole-heartedly. My remarks about the pics were to explain to Tam that I don't hate this child. Actually, when she is REALLY misbehaving, her grandmother calls on me to discipline her! My own grandchildren know not to act as she does except for the very smallest who don't understand some of he tricks yet. BUT they are learning!

Enough of this...I actually posted this situation to show that we all go through this place where we want to let the flesh rule. I actually used it as an example.

Romans 8 is such an awesome chapter.

To me...the first thing it shows is if we are in Christ there isn't any condemnation. I believe it explains that the born again Christian is saved, is being saved and will be saved. It shows me that although we get on the wrong path, we are children of God and we will remain there. It has to give comfort to the person that thinks they can backslide into hell.

For me, the Holy Spirit is the Grace I received through Jesus Christ. It reaffirms to me that NO ONE can remove me from the Father's Hand.

For the person that doesn't yet believe or doesn't fully comprehend what to believe, it tells them that no good thing comes from the flesh.

The study of the posts here  (regarding the word *spirit*) is teaching me many things about God and about myself, as well of things about the unsaved person.

Blessings...

Rita

Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 3, 2012 at 7:19pm

Matthew 26:41 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak

Permalink Reply by a servant (Chris) on July 3, 2012 at 9:12pm

Rita

   I just trust you know I meant no disrespect.

Lord Bless you

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on July 4, 2012 at 3:08am

Chris...

When a person asks a question, or asks for advice, they should be prepared to accept what they are told with grace. If I would have explained it better, you would have understood better. However, what you said wasn't wrong. I raised my kids with discipline. They understood not to go against *Mama*. As adults, in their 40's, all three have a genuine love of others in their hearts. So, I think I might have gotten something *right*.

You, Chris, are my brother, and as such, your input is valuable to me. I saw no disrespect in your post.

Blessings to you and yours...

Rita

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on July 4, 2012 at 3:27am

 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

The freedom that Salvation through Christ, our Lord is awesome. I feel entirely free because I know that God has my back. I am learning to hand problems that I can't handle to the Lord. He's told me to do that. The law was to show us that we sinned, and if we break that law, He promises certain punishment. I am free from the punishment attached to the law. Christ freed me from that.

I practice sorting out my problem...one by one. Many times I go to the Word and find what God says about it. Once I find that out, I work on resolving it. At times I rebel at the answer. If I rebel, God is patient with me. He lets me work through the rebellion.

My example would be...finances. Right now my children are all having financial difficulties. I started worrying about how I would help all 3 of them. I decided to be stingy. Wrong decision! When I had worked through that stinginess, God blessed me with an answer.

Sometimes, I don't think we give God credit for being there, listening to our prayers. In order to hear His answers, we need to listen to Him. God doesn't shout...He speaks in a wee voice. He never interupts. If we are ranting, He stays quiet until we're ready to listen. Take time to listen to God!

Blessings...

Permalink Reply by dean burrows on July 4, 2012 at 10:09pm

Hi   Rita you have quite the situattion and in reading Chris' post  I have to say I fully agree.

There is one word in the english language i dislike emmensly  "no" . This word at times creates great fear in me. Yet The Lord has used this word many times with me. Much to my amazement to lead me to a better place in life.

It sounds as if the people around this child all feel bad for a broken marriage. Understandable. They all feel a sympathy towards the effects of this situation>

Yet they in trying to compensate for it are producing a problem evident in this child.

Chris is absolutely right the child needs boundaries and direction. Just as we recieve from The Spirit.  Please stop the free for all any child will take advantage of that. In fact any adult will that is why Our Heavenly Father desciplines. Gives boundaries and direction.

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