My True Story

What I am about to share is very hard. I posted this in my blog but want to share it here and ask for prayers in getting through this and living a long and healthy life. My greatest fear was losing all of my friends here but I have come to realize that you will love me no matter what as I love you all the same.

Here is my true story:

So there I was at the doctor’s office for my routine baby checkup.  They have already run all the necessary blood tests as required.  Then the nurse comes in and looks at me very hard and with a judgmental attitude she begins to tell me the most horrible news to come to my ears.  I just sat there in shock and then began to get afraid for my child.  Oh Lord, what do I do now?  This nurse was not very nice to me and treated me with disgust as she attempted to tell me the next steps.  My heart was heavy and my fears were great.  This can’t be!  Oh God, this can’t be!  There must be some mistake!

As I drove home, my mind was in turmoil and my thoughts were racing everywhere.  How will I tell my husband this news?  Surely he will be upset but how will he react about this horrible truth?  Will he leave me?  Will he hate me?  Why is this happening?  I cried and prayed all the way home which is about 45 miles.  I called him on the cell phone and said, “We need to talk.  I have some bad news to tell you when I get there.”

When I got home, he and I took a drive together alone and I told him what the nurse had said.  I expected the worst but it didn’t come.  He was upset and concerned especially about our unborn child as I was.  I explained what the next steps were and that if we followed them, our baby would be fine. (and she is a very healthy child with no problems)

It was years later when I told my oldest daughter.  She was 15 when her little sister was born but it was after she graduated high school and had moved out before I called her one day to tell her that I had to talk to her.  She was very upset and disappointed because I kept it from her all those years.  But what else could a Mom do?  She had everything going for her at school.  She was an honor student, played all the sports, was in Beta Club, and won Homecoming Queen.  I didn’t want to burden her with my problem.  I just wanted her to excel (which she has done and has a Bachelor’s Degree and Teacher Certificate).   And to be quite honest, I didn’t want her to be ashamed of me or look at me the way that nurse did.  Rejection is hard to deal with from others but not nearly as hard as when it comes from someone you love very deeply.

Since 2003, I have battled with this.  Besides the doctors, the only people who I have told are my husband and daughter and a friend I shared it with.  This world is full of hateful and mean people who live in their own world of make believe and pretense.  I see it every day.  There is not a lot of compassion towards others and especially not someone like me.

I have shared a lot of myself here on this site and have poured out my heart in blogs, discussions, prayer rooms and emails here.  I have come to love this site very dearly because of the special people who are here.  Except for this one thing have I not shared.  But it has been on my heart and mind for a long time.  This is my testimony.  God has brought me through this.  Without Him, I could not make it one more day.  But with Jesus Christ, I am strong!  With Jesus Christ, I am not afraid!  With Jesus Christ, I am brave!  With Jesus Christ, I am compassionate and truly care about how others feel.  Even when I don’t understand how they feel, I still care.

So the truth is I have HIV/AIDS.