The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.

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Comment by mike on January 28, 2010 at 5:53pm

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Delete Discussion FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover
holy days.
He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against
Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate
presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case
dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor,
how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas,
Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my
client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client,
counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance
or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no
God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.


You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
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Comment by Deserey Lynn Velasquez on January 27, 2010 at 10:31pm

Okay here is one I am trying to convince my pastor to use.

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Comment by David Velasquez on January 27, 2010 at 12:47pm

hahaha good ones Desy! Thanks for sharing girl.

Comment by Deserey Lynn Velasquez on January 26, 2010 at 10:07pm

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question, "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Comment by Deserey Lynn Velasquez on January 26, 2010 at 9:58pm

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"

Comment by David Velasquez on January 26, 2010 at 12:52pm

Thanks sis Yironsky,

Our God indeed reigns! Hallelujah Funny and educational - cool!

Comment by David Velasquez on January 10, 2010 at 3:53am

The Greek Priest

A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks,
"Sir, have you been drinking?"


The minister replies, "Just water."


The trooper asks, "Then, why do I smell wine?"


The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

Comment by David Velasquez on January 10, 2010 at 3:50am

In God's Army

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher
was standing at the door as he always was to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"


My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."


So the Pastor questioned, "Then how come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"


He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

Comment by David Velasquez on January 10, 2010 at 3:48am

The Dead Church

A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the
members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local
newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent
Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.


Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed
coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his
congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.


Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly
lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a
guilty, sheepish look.


In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.

Comment by David Velasquez on December 23, 2009 at 6:06pm

A man was standing off the edge of the Sydney Harbour Bridge --about to jump. A passer-by tried to talk him down; he asked: "well, are you a Christian?" to which the man answered "yes." He exclaimed: "great, me too; what kind of Christian are you? Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant?" The answer was: "Protestant." "Me too; what kind of Protestant? Anglican, Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Pentecostal?" The man got excited: "me too; are you an initial evidence or a third wave Pentecostal?" "Initial evidence." "Me too; what kind of initial evidence? Are you a AOG, CRC, COC, CCC?" "AOG." Now, he got really excited: "Me too; are you Premillenial, Post Millenial or Amillenial?" The guy on the bridge said: "Amillenial" and with that the passer-by, becoming very angry, screamed: "Die, heretic!" and pushed him off the bridge. HAHAHAHA MAN THIS ONE TOPS IT.

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