The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.

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Comment by Bill Evans on March 31, 2010 at 12:46pm

Drive-through church:

Comment by David Velasquez on March 31, 2010 at 12:42pm

Bro Bill Evans placed this on my page. :)

Some Texas church humor...

You Might be in a Texas Country Church if…
• The doors are never locked.
• The Call to Worship is "Y’all come on in!".
• People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
• The Preacher says, "I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and five guys stand up.
• The restrooms are outside.
• A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of."
• In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."
• Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
• When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
• Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
• The church directory doesn’t have last names.
• The pastor wears boots.
• Four generations of one family sits together in worship every Sunday.
• The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer, and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
• There is not such thing as a "secret" sin.
• Baptism is referred to as "branding".
• There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
• Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
• You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.
• People wonder when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
• The final words of the benediction are, "Y’all come on back now, ya hear?"

Comment by David Velasquez on March 30, 2010 at 3:02pm

Vampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as heck didn't!"

Comment by David Velasquez on March 28, 2010 at 5:38pm

hahahaha "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
HAHAHA

Comment by Deserey Lynn Velasquez on March 27, 2010 at 12:47pm

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

Comment by Deserey Lynn Velasquez on March 27, 2010 at 12:46pm

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Comment by Carla on March 27, 2010 at 12:33pm

ha ha ha... hilarious...

Comment by David Velasquez on March 27, 2010 at 12:26pm

WIFE VS. HUSBANDA
couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws

Comment by David Velasquez on March 27, 2010 at 12:26pm

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving eachother the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morningbusiness flight.Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote ona piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman,but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Comment by David Velasquez on March 27, 2010 at 12:25pm

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here andyou should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for mycoffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Biblethat the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testamentand showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeedsays.........."HEBREWS

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