The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.

Comment

Comment by Carla on April 25, 2010 at 1:39am

You're welcome Rod. As parents we've got to help eachother out. :)

Comment by Carla on April 23, 2010 at 8:53am

okay family...you've got to try this:

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY!!) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction, and there's nothing you can do about it! :)

I'm guessing that before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

:)

Comment by God's Rocker on April 13, 2010 at 2:48am

chuckling bout the lightbulb joker here :)

Comment by Carla on April 9, 2010 at 12:31pm

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."




The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."

Comment by Carla on April 9, 2010 at 7:37am

Dear Rod...
Amen to your words:
"praise the Lord for the guidence of the Holy Spirit".
Blessings....

Comment by YURIKO HELENA on April 9, 2010 at 1:52am

Jesus Visits After the Resurrection

This story cannot be found in the scriptures, but it is told that after his resurrection, Jesus appeared to an old fisherman.

"I am Jesus and I have returned to show God's love and power."

"No, you're not Jesus. Go away! You're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman.

"I see you are full of doubt. What would you have me do to show who I am?"

"Walk across the river," the old fisherman tells Jesus.

Jesus starts walking across the river, but he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old fisherman says to him, "See, you're not Jesus. You can't walk on water!"

Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it, but then I got these holes in my feet!"

HELENA

Comment by Carla on April 8, 2010 at 4:33pm

okay family.. here's a long one! I'm thankful for copy and paste. :)

You think English is easy??? .... a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow..

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? You have one goose, 2 geese; so one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand: UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car... At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is ordinary, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can have UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . But when the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you
do at night? U-P

Comment by David Velasquez on April 8, 2010 at 3:09pm

Comment by Bill Evans on April 1, 2010 at 8:19am

X-ray from my annual physical - I told the doc I had a splitting headache!

Comment by Bill Evans on March 31, 2010 at 1:03pm

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the women is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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