The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.

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Comment by RoyW on October 21, 2010 at 6:16am

David, this one will bring joy and a tear:

Billy Graham's Suit

Something heartwarming - nice to see this kind of mail!

Billy Graham is now 91-years-old with Parkinson's disease.
In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina,
invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in
his honor.

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he
struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte
leaders said, 'We don't expect a major address. Just
come and let us honor you.' So he agreed.

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham
stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said,
"I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from
Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the
aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he
came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He
couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn't there. He looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

"The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket.
Don't worry about it.'

"Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued
down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to
move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great
physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his
seat for his ticket.

"The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein,
Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are; no problem.
You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'
Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.''


Having said that Billy Graham continued,
"See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion. You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am. I also know where I'm going."
May your troubles be less, your blessings more, and may nothing but happiness, come through your door.

"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."

Comment by Prophet on October 20, 2010 at 5:41am

Ha ha ha Love the bear joke, just like so many of us, so true as well, we often think we can row our own little boats but when the storms strike then we shout for help

Comment by angels and demons on October 16, 2010 at 6:49am

thats a good joke that is david, maybe i should write it on premiere forum for all the unpleasent athiests to read, think theyll appreciate it? itll be interesting to read what they say haha

Comment by Amin Lim on October 14, 2010 at 8:19am

hahahaha.....a very interesting joke, brother David and should be a hard slap for every atheist.

Comment by David Velasquez on October 14, 2010 at 7:18am

An atheist was walking through the woods.
“What majestic trees”!
“What powerful rivers”!
“What beautiful animals”!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.” “Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”?
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian”?
“Very Well,” said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: ”Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Comment by Prophet on September 27, 2010 at 11:34pm

These are really great, they really kick my day off with a smile, a good laugh is better than any medicine. Love the one about the badge, we have law enforcement officers like that in our country as well, maybe a little "Bull running" would do them some good as well. Keep them comming guys.

be Blessed

Comment by Ruth on September 27, 2010 at 11:22pm

In public places we are often confused and can not understand to see people who because of trivial matters, furious and cursing! If you take down a plane is always scrambling for the front. in supermarkets ransacked the clothes as they pleased. If you pay the cashier never want to stand in line. Overtake people's cars, was one, held up boxing hand. If you meet them, you do not bait & go mad, Stay patient and do not be affected. Why? They are people who are unhappy, who live in hatred and ignorance. Everywhere rubbish they bring unhappiness, and threw it to anyone. If you take it, you will accept that they may dispose of trash and become equal with them!

Life need principle, we have no right to prohibit people taking out the trash. However, we reserve the right to not accept their garbage disposal. Your life belongs to you and become your responsibility. Although every day you meet people who live in ignorance and hatred, does not mean you have to be fool & hate. You can remain undisturbed and continue on with your life in love & joy

Comment by RoyW on September 27, 2010 at 6:25pm

The Arrogance of Authority

Unfortunately, we see it all around us..........particularly in government!

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "



The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.



A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE !"

Comment by grace watson on September 23, 2010 at 7:26pm

NICE LOVE THE OUT FIT THEY ARE CUTE CAN U MAKE ONE FOR ME

Comment by RoyW on September 23, 2010 at 2:45am

This one reminded me of Mary:
(Some nut who thought I was getting old, e-mailed this one to me.)

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.

"Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"
All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- READ BELOW !

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today - - -

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard, "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel ," or "de plane, Boss, de plane."


They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading. (Well, actually, I couldn't make it any larger on this site.)

P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

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