All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.

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Let's have a laugh. We are criticized by outsiders because of the many divisions among our Christian family, but for now let’s put all that aside in this group and have a laugh about it. THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL WHO WANT TO JOIN

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Latest Activity: Mar 5, 2018

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Denominational Humor
How many _________ does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Charismatics? Only one since his/her hands are always in the air anyway.

2. Presbyterians? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

3. Baptists? CHANGE???????

4. Pentecostals? Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

5. Catholics? None. They always use candles.

6. Episcopalians? Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

7. Church of Christ? None. There's no evidence that light bulbs were ever changed in New Testament times.

8. United Methodists? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ

hahaha

Discussion Forum

Rejoice I tell you, REJOICE

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jessi Perez Oct 9, 2012. 31 Replies 1 Like

Please bless us with clean Christian jokes so we can exercise the tummy. :)Continue

Cartoon fun and more!

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Prophet Mar 7, 2011. 15 Replies 0 Likes

Come on family share with us some funny cartoons andvideos.Continue

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Comment by Suzi on December 30, 2010 at 10:02pm: Hello everyone,

I would ask that you please pray for a healing for my aunt Jan. She has been dignoised with liver cancer & according to the doctors has 25% of her liver still functioning right now. She is on chemo. And for some bizzare reason they will not put her on a transplant list. The Lord helped her overcome Breast cancer a few years ago. But this time I am praying for a full healing personally. And if you'all do not mind, please do the same? I love her dearly as does the entire family. Please keep her in you thoughts and prayers. Thank you very much.

Comment by Prophet on December 16, 2010 at 11:57pm: A little boy was waiting patiently for his mom to come out of a shop when a man stopped and asked if he knew the way to the post office, after the boy gave him the directions the man said I'm the new pastor in town and if you come to church on sunday I'll give you the directions to get to heaven..... awe shucks answered the boy.... how do you know that if you don't even know how to get to the post office

Comment by Prophet on December 16, 2010 at 10:53pm: Well Well Well You said it Jesse ! Praise the Lord! I'm not the only one,

Comment by jesse mays on December 15, 2010 at 10:11pm: As we progress into the end of 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past 12 months. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Comment by Katam Priyanka on December 15, 2010 at 9:11pm: just now enetered .felt happy to join this group.

Comment by David Velasquez on December 14, 2010 at 12:59am

Comment by Prophet on December 8, 2010 at 6:56am: Reginald was terribly overweight after Christmas, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds, 'his doctor assured him.

When Reginald returned he shocked his doctor by having lost almost twenty pounds.

'Why, that's amazing, 'the doctor said, greatly impressed, 'You certainly must have followed my instructions.'

Reginald nodded, 'I'll tell you what though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day.'

'Why, from hunger?' asked his doctor.

'No, from all that skipping.'

Comment by RoyW on December 7, 2010 at 7:29am: My sides are aching. I've never had a drink in my life but your dialogue reminded me of a guy called Red Skelton. Can anyone remember that drunk character he used to play?

Comment by Prophet on December 7, 2010 at 6:34am: Once again this year, I've had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Please put it in your favorite recipe book

1 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality.

Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality...Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.Check the Tequila a gain
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixsherer thingy.Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nutsh.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.Greash the oven.Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Mistmas!