PEACEMAKING PRINCIPLES

PEACEMAKING PRINCIPLES

The peacemaking principles set forth in Scripture really work. Whether you are addressing your own sinful heart, an irritating habit of your teenager, your spouse's bad attitude, a co-worker's unfair criticism, or the resolution of a complex lawsuit, you will always find the best solutions by following the conflict resolution principles that God has given to us in his Word.
In this section you will see how these principles were applied in a wide variety of actual conflict situations. The names and a few identifying facts have been changed, but the challenges these people faced and the results they experienced are true.
You will notice that some of these stories do not have "perfect" endings. Many people had to deal with opponents who refused to admit their wrongs, be reconciled, or do what was right. But this does not mean that the situation was a failure in God's eyes, because he does not measure success in terms of results.
God knows that we cannot control other people, so he will not hold us responsible for the ultimate outcome of a conflict. The only thing he looks at is whether we have been faithful to him by making every effort to live at peace with others (see Rom. 12:18). If so, no matter how the situation turns out, we are a success in God's eyes, and we can move ahead in life with a clear conscience.
You will see common themes in these stories:
 Confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation... the pattern usually seen when people follow the basic principles of biblical peacemaking
 People seeking to resolve conflicts personally and privately--the way we should first attempt to deal with a conflict (see Matt. 18:15)
 Friends, church leaders, or trained conciliators stepping in and giving help when needed--it is wise to obey God's command to seek help when we cannot resolve a dispute on our own (see Matt. 18:16-17)
While we have tried to organize these stories into categories, many of them do not fall neatly into one, and may even belong in several. So we invite you to read through all the stories--they may not be much different from your own. Glean from them the wisdom of the experience of others and be encouraged as you read of God's faithfulness and goodness--even during times of conflict.
We hope that these stories will motivate you to faithfully apply the biblical peacemaking principles that are described elsewhere on this site.
Peacemaking in General
Anger, frustration, gossip, fights over limited resources... we all deal with these kinds of conflicts as a general part of our daily lives.
 One Conflict "Worth the Fight" - Many of the other True Stories depict an occasion where confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation all take place in a short time. Of course, this is not always the case--sometimes the reconciliation process can take months or even years. This True Story is a dialogue between two women whose close friendship is severely tested by painful conflict. They remind us that persevering through the hard work of reconciliation is most definitely worthwhile.
 A Good Pair of Walking Shoes - When her neighbor has a conflict with her son's teacher, Heidi learns that being a peacemaker often first involves being a friend.
 Taming the Wolf Pack - What do you do when a group of people is criticizing an individual who is not present? This brief testimony shows how a bit of boldness, Scripture, and the Holy Spirit can move people back in the right direction.
 A Tale of Two Confessions - Who do you think shows more wisdom in peacemaking: a successful politician or a seven-year-old boy? This story illustrates how the 7 A's of Confession provide a useful framework for seeking true forgiveness.
 When You Need to Negotiate, PAUSE - What is more important: the health of children inside a school van or the safety of other motorists? See how both the children and the school can benefit when this difficult situation is resolved with the help of the PAUSE principle.
Peacemaking in the Family
Is there any other place where conflict is so common as in the family?
Marriage
 Forgiveness is Stronger than Adultery - When a marriage has been fractured by adultery, a husband and wife ask, "Is there any hope?" By the grace of God, the answer is, "Yes!" This testimony from a Christian conciliator shows the healing power of biblical forgiveness.
 Accountable to God - When one woman remembered that she was accountable to God, it changed her perspective on her husband and her marriage. Through faithful obedience, she experienced a whole new level of intimacy with God and with her husband. We love to receive letters like this one!
 Oprah, Rosie, and the Pastor's Wife - The belittling remark from the pulpit cut Heather deeply -- even more so since the pastor was also her husband! What is the appropriate way to handle this very public conflict?
 We Can't Ever Be Close Again - What does forgiveness really mean? In this story, a man learns of his wife's unfaithfulness and faces a difficult choice: to forgive or not to forgive. Can the Four Promises of Forgiveness apply even in the context of an impending divorce?
 Church Discipline Saves a Marriage - Church discipline often has a negative connotation--harsh, retaliatory, or dictatorial. But church discipline, when its purpose is loving restoration, is a great benefit to the church and its "lost sheep," as evidenced by this True Story of a reconciled marriage.
Children
 An Environment of Forgiveness - There is great power in forgiveness—it releases us from the guilt of sin and makes way for reconciled relationships. Therefore, our churches, schools, and homes should be marked by an environment where forgiveness is readily encouraged and demonstrated. This story shows the impact of having that environment in one second grade classroom.
 The Stolen Candy - Lying... blaming... these responses come all-too-easily to children who are caught in a misdeed. This story demonstrates a different response from a second grader who had learned an important lesson from The Young Peacemaker.
 The Whole Class Makes a Confession - How can kids learn to make a genuine confession? Applying principles from The Young Peacemaker, this confession was written by an eighth grade class at a Christian school after they had badly messed up some classrooms during an art project.
 The Reptile Robbery - The turtles are missing! Who's responsible? In this letter, a public school teacher shares her experience of the value of teaching The Young Peacemaker in the classroom.
 Testimonies on The Young Peacemaker - These testimonies, ranging from the experience of a home school mom to that of a Christian school principal, talk about the lessons they've learned and the benefits of teaching children to be peacemakers.
Extended Family
 Reconciling with Mom - Our closest relationships are often the most emotionally painful and challenging to reconcile. But with the help of the concepts in The Peacemaker, a woman is compelled to seek reconciliation with her mother after years of heartache, and writes about her experience in this letter.
 The Sister's Tug of War - The death of a parent and subsequent resolution of the estate can bring to the surface many painful family conflicts. But a caring church can help bring healing and reconciliation to these families, as it does in this story.
 Where Will Mom Live? - Conflicts can easily erupt within families when deciding how to best care for elderly parents. Sometimes a conflict can simmer for years and just needs this sort of an opportunity to surface. This testimony from a Christian conciliator describes how one family, after some pretty rough times, eventually resolved their conflict in a way that honored the Lord.
 Daddy... Is That You? - Having abandoned his wife and children nearly 20 years ago, a man was amazed to receive a call from his daughter's pastor. She was about to be married, but after all this time and all the emotional scars, was there any hope for reconciliation?
Peacemaking in the Workplace
Outside of the home, most of us spend the majority of our time at work. Therefore, the majority of our conflicts also occur at work.
 Laying Down Rights - In our litigious society, we often hear the cry that, "My rights have been infringed!" In this story, when a man forgives his boss for hurting him, he discovers that there is something far more valuable than asserting legal rights.
 Confrontation in the Teacher's Lounge - For some of us, it can be extremely difficult to confront--it is much easier to ignore a conflict and hope it will go away. In this story, even though Janet hated confrontation, she knew that she could not remain silent when a Christian co-worker's behavior became increasingly destructive. While it wasn't easy, Janet learned that loving confrontation can be good for everyone involved.
 The Angry Employee - When we are hurt or mistreated, our first reaction is often to strike back--with angry words, hateful actions, or even a lawsuit. In short, we respond just like non-Christians. In this story, against his instincts, an employee first takes the time to consider God's interests and look at his own contribution to a conflict before confronting others.
 Getting Fired - Getting fired, especially in a way that seems completely unjust, can feel like the ultimate slap in the face. Retribution is the standard reaction, but this story shows how going a different route--conciliation, humility, confession, and forgiveness--honors God and often brings about true peace.
 Saving Staff and Money - We repeatedly mention on this web site the benefits that biblical peacemaking brings to Christians' personal lives, relationships, churches, and witness for Christ. But a non-profit ministry director wrote this letter to describe an additional benefit of using biblical peacemaking--it makes good business sense!
 The Policeman Who Made Peace - You don't have to be a pastor, counselor or lawyer to guide others through a conflict. Here's an account of how one layperson successfully applied the knowledge he learned through the Reconciler Training Program.
Peacemaking in the Church
Where two or three are gathered in Jesus' name... there will eventually be conflict. Nowhere is this more true than in our churches.
 The New Curriculum - How often in our churches do we get into conflict while trying to "do" ministry? Our underlying goals may be good, but we still needlessly fight with one another. What a witness for Christ! In this story, doctrinal differences nearly divide a Sunday school committee until they learn a biblical way to negotiate and work together.
 The Humble Pastor - At first, Ken Sande was embarrassed by the confession his pastor gave from the pulpit in church. But later, he saw just how much the Lord can use such a simple, yet genuine, display of humility.
 The Key to Revival - A deeply conflicted church was on the brink of a split, but God was planning a revival.
 The Devoted Educators - How can we "accept one another" (Rom. 15:7) and "look out for one another's interests" (Phil. 2:4) when an issue threatens to divide our church? With the help of wise leadership, one congregation puts these verses into practice in this story of the disagreements over Christian education in their church.
 The Defective Garage - Business disputes between Christians are more common than you might think, and they often result in an unecessary lawsuit. This story illustrates how a church can encourage Christian conciliation (in this case, mediation), helping to bring about a just solution to a dispute while facilitating personal reconciliation.
 Blessed are the Young Peacemakers - This article describes the response of a church to a senseless shooting at the local high school, contrasting the way the world tends to handle conflict with the way taught in The Young Peacemaker.
 Why Stir Up Old Issues? - So often, it is far easier to ignore conflict and its negative effects than to deal with it head on--especially if the source of the conflict is in the distant past. In this letter of testimony, a pastor avoids the easy route of ignoring the past conflict and instead, leads his new church in a powerful act of reconciliation.