Depression Since I was Young by Carol D P

Since I was a little girl I was depressed for decades because of the many traumatic events in my life never ceased coming and one on top of another. As a little girl during the 1950's 1960's, I grew up in a violent, abusive, dysfunctional home with my two younger brothers whom I had to care for because my parents were both dysfunctional. My mother was mentally ill with schizophrenia paranoia. My father, a WWII Vet with painful war injuries, took his frustrations and anger out on us by beating us all up when he came home from work every day. My parents fought violently, very scary and it depressed me. After I graduated I got a  university job, moved away and took college evening courses in Art & Psych..

In my late 20's I got married to an Indonesian scientist and our marriage was rocky. Our first daughter died as an infant, followed by 2 miscarriages and my mom committed suicide. It was all very grievous and depressing. My husband & I went to live in Europe 6 months while he developed his 2nd R & D company and shifted the location to Pgh PA where we lived. It was a happier time. We had 3 healthy children in early 1980's. We went to a Reformed Presbyterian church where in 1985 I repented and received Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior. For a while my depression lifted.

My family came to live in Indonesia for 10 yrs, 1986--Nov 1996, while husband did research and where our last child a son was born 1988. Indonesia is biggest muslim country in the world. My husband turned fanatical muslim and tried forcing us all to convert to islam but we resisted. It was very depressing & I had anxiety. My husband was also unfaithful all those years and was often away on trips leaving us hanging by ourselves in a foreign country. We had learned the language & culture. My children went to Indonesian Christian schools and we went to a Pentecostal Church Nafiri Zion, where I was water baptized and received baptism of the Holy Spirit in 1991. I served there as Dir Dept Art Min and was a artist painting murals and also a writer.

During the 1990's things deteriorated in my marriage and in the country. It became dangerous living there because of riots & demonstrations mounting toward a coup to overthrow Suharto. Expats & missionaries left. I & my kids were trapped. I made secret plans to get us out. An elderly Am couple bought & gave us airplane tickets, and I found an agent to get us out. I was only able to get out myself and 3 youngest kids. I had to use double passports for my youngest son Adi, one to get him out and USA passport to enter him in America.Desperate depressing situation

My oldest son Kris US passport had been taken by his father. He was 16 yrs old and very independent. It was heart rending as I had to leave him behind with airplane ticket, name of agent, and in the care of aunt & uncle. Like Abraham put Isaac on the altar, i put Kris on the altar of God, and prayed somehow God will get him out. It was heartbreaking leaving him on the tarmac waving as we lifted off with tears in our eyes, not knowing if we'd see Kris again. We had escaped while my husband was away and God parted the Red Sea for us. It was a traumatic transition.

The rest of us flew from hot tropics to cold snowy Pgh Nov 1996 where church friends picked us up and got us in to a single mom's apt then a house. We left everything behind & only suitcases & my art. I had pneumonia and kids bronchitis. I worked odd jobs and kids went to school as we rebuilt our lives from scratch. But also I had major depression & anxiety waiting to hear from Kris over 6 months no news. Meanwhile in laws negotiated with my husband to release US passport to Kris and for him go. Oct 1997 Kris was united with us. Red Sea parted again. It was such a joyous relief! What a miracle! 2/1998 coup fell in Indonesia. 5/2000 I divorced. Finality of it was depressing but also freed me & us from bondage. Still have bouts depression

My kids grew up. Kris put himself thru college, is an engr & married. My youngest son Adi is doing well in USAF. Alicia Sonnie & I have been settled in Hawaii several years. I went for counseling, was diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar, & depression, but counseling and going to church help. I have covenanted my new membership with NLCFF where I am an artist again and my depression is lifting. Despite my depressions I never doubted my salvation and relationship with Jesus Christ for I know the Lord has been with me & us through much hardships, tribulations, & trials. I am also a poet & writer. I wrote book Charter Destiny.