Addicts Redeemed

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Comment by Nate on May 1, 2009 at 11:29am

I'm a porn/lust addict, and have been since I was 9 years old. Recently, however, God recently interceded on my life. I knew my problem would eventually be my wife's problem. That thought didn't help me battle it, though. To better explain it, here's a thing I wrote for my family last month:

This is where my life and my battle for purity have drastically changed. Upon worshipping the Lord in song (I was singing Better Than Drugs by Skillet), I was instantly struck with an unparalleled sorrow. I burst into tears, soaking the sheet on my bed. What was going on with me? I had no idea where this was coming from, and I didn't understand why I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face and sobs that kept coming. Once I finished singing, I instantly went into prayer with my Abbah. While I prayed, a great, amazing presence came down on me. It was almost tangible it was so thick. I knew this was God's presence because I became overwhelmed and burst into tears again. As if whispering into my ear, I "heard" God say to me, "Nate, this pain and sorrow you feel is mine. I feel this way because of your sexual immorality. I have great and amazing plans for you, which you have known, but I feel great sorrow because I can't trust you with them."

What could I say to God? I knew my sexual sin had driven me most of my life. In fact, I haven't really been much better off than when I was 10 or 11. My life has been a series of ups and downs with regards to sexual immorality. I felt as if I had been playing a game all along, and that I'd eventually deal with my sin when I was grown up. Well, how much more grown up do I really need to be?? I'm a grown man physically, I'm married, and I'm in the Army. By the world's standards, I'm as grown up as they come. However, what about God's standards? Could I really tell God that I'm a matured grown man, but still be tangled in the same web as I was when I was 10 years old? Had I spent that entire time, up to this point in my life, doing absolutely nothing to mature spiritually and take care of my sexual sin like a man? No. I had cowered down and told myself for years and years that I'd deal with it when I was grown, even as an adult.

Well, it's time to grow up. It's time to stand before the powers of this world and beyond, and state, "I'm no longer playing games with my relationship with God and my Christian family. This is the most serious command given to me: to love my God with all my heart, mind and soul, and to love my brothers/sisters as myself. Therefore, I intend to follow that course, but I intend to do it as a man. I intend to do it with the ferocity and vigor of a man with no choice left. It's time to stand up and be a man, God's man, or die trying." I confess that I am nothing without God. He is my strength and my provider. It is in my weakness that His strength abounds. However, it is my obedience and diligence in following His command, like Soldiers/Airmen/Marines/Sailors are called to follow the orders of those appointed above them, that His work is done. When I allow sin to rule my life, He can't use me because He can't trust that I will follow through with His Plan.

Comment by Heather on April 27, 2009 at 8:59pm

Welcome Yvonne!!! I LOVE your energy and enthusiasm. I look forward to getting to know you... Heather

Comment by yvonne smiddy on April 27, 2009 at 8:50pm

I JOINED THIS GROUP FOR SEVERAL REASONS. FIRST, I LOVE TO SEE AND HEAR THE GREAT THINGS THAT GOD HAS DONE FOR ALL IN THIS PLACE, MYSELF INCLUDED!! I AM IN PREPARATION TO TEACH A RECOVERY GROUP IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. IT'S AN AWESOME PROGRAM CALLED CELEBRATE RECOVERY, USING THE BEATITUDES AND OF COURSE THEY SHARE ALSO OF THE 12 STEPS OF RECOVERY. I'VE JUST STARTED GOING THRU THE LESSONS MYSELF AND I JUST CRIED AND CRIED! HOW WONDERFUL TO BE ABLE TO SHARE WITH ALL THE LOVE AND HOPE AND FREEDOM THAT COMES FROM COMMUNION AND FELLOWSHIP WITH THE FATHER! SHEILA, KEEP ON TRUCKIN'! I WILL PRAY FOR YOU THAT YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME FOR THE RIGHT REASONS! GOD IS MOVING ON PLANET EARTH BECAUSE HIS KINGDOM IS HERE AND SO HIS WILL HAS TO BE DONE HERE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! BE BLESSED!!

Comment by Sheila Kaye Steiner on April 27, 2009 at 3:53pm

Hey Larry glad your here. I was baptized May of 2006, while in prison. I woke up one night in the county jail, begging God to come in to my life but, it wasn't until I was locked up several months finally in prison, facing almost 15 years. The Lord seen fit to give me another chance by blessing me with only 4 calendar years to do, compared to the 15 years. That ofcouse didn't end it for me, I guess I held on to the thought that maybe I could do all this, and still serve Him, well ofcourse it doesn't work like that. I was released from prison December 29, 2008, finally home, I was only able to stay sober a few days at most. I did crack, and it progressively got worse. So my real soberity came within the last 2 weeks. Before that though, I followed and studied my Saviors word and was able to stay sober 4 years, where the drugs were extremely plentiful, so I know I can do this with the Lord strength and guidance. I'm trying to find a Christian inpatient program here in Missouri to enter for 30 days, to meet the qualifications of my parole. Besides I think it would really do me good to get out of the area that is so use to me being of the world.

Any way I look forward to you all as my accountability and Christian Sisters and Brothers, as support.

Thanks
She

Comment by Heather on April 27, 2009 at 10:16am

And Lawrence...so happy for you...

Comment by Heather on April 27, 2009 at 10:14am

Hi everyone...it is a privilege to walk this road with you. When I surrendered my love for alcohol in 1988, I never dreamed I would have such an extraordinary life. There are so many gifts and surprises in store for those who trust fully in God's desire to keep us clean and sober and cause us to become the men and women we were created to be. Today, I offer this: My life is hid in Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. I am safe, protected, secure in Him. Peace to you all... Heather

Comment by Sheila Kaye Steiner on April 26, 2009 at 10:20am

Hey Heather L, welcome. Glad you found us to, I'm too, want the journey to Heaven to become the most important thing, like the drugs were and I want my relationship to be deepened with the LORD

Comment by Heather Lynn Burke on April 26, 2009 at 6:17am

I am beginning my recovery (almost 4 months clean). I have looked to Jesus Christ quite often during this time. Without him by myside I know it would be much more difficult. I am glad I found this group. I've been a member of AllaboutGod for just a few days and look forward to learning more about how I can understand my journey to Heaven, and being a better christian.

Comment by Heather on April 25, 2009 at 11:45am

HI Sheila! so good you stopped by. I am pondering the next step for this group, but my heart for Christ centered recovery is great...we will see what He has in store for us... Blessings to you... May you enjoy the nearness of Lord today...

Comment by Sheila Kaye Steiner on April 25, 2009 at 11:07am

Hey All! I've been on this site and just found you today!! I am a recovering addict and asked Jesus into my life, May 2006, it has not been an easy nor completely sober journey but, I'm still putting one foot in front of the other and wow, I hit my knees this morning so thankful that He woke me up, and that I wasn't drug induced and that He lead me where He wanted me, and that my life today would please Him and I am here, that awesome POWER at work for sure. I'll stop there for now but I will be back, thank you Heather for creating this site, thanks.
Sheila

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