Separated, Divorced, or loss of a spouse support net.

Comment

Comment by Soldier on December 18, 2010 at 10:46pm

Michael, ur really wanting to get a novel out of me yet, aren't you? God knows the future already. Goodness, He's the author of it! He still gives us the choice to follow the path He wants us to follow or other path that, Yes, He provided, yet not the one He desires. In the first 4 mons she left, I wrote 2 letters, asked face to face on 2 occasions and many texts asking her to return. She wouldn't even acknowledge even receiving them. Late Oct, while at my desk, God stirred my heart. I left and went to the house where she and the man are @. I didn't go to confront. I went there to tell them BOTH that I forgive them. He tried to get violent and she didn't understand what I was doing there
I chose to reconcile, she chose not too. On that day, I knew the marriage was over. Its not for me to ask "why 21 years", its for me to thank God for His Grace and perfect timing. The 2nd week of Oct (nothing happens by circumstance) I did something I've not done in over 10 years. I opened the AAG chat room and had a brief encounter, less than 10 mins, with a person that even doubted I'd even see the name again. Well, we've been communicating EVERY day since- the promise of 1st Peter!
God placed me through the pain for me to draw close to Him so He could prepare me for His Blessing. The spiritual depth of this person is incredible! We've shared a spiritual connection and a common reliance on God's Will and Guidance that the wife and I never shared.
The wife text 30 minutes after I had opened a Christmas package from the other stating that she was ready to return. Seeing the gift beside me in the truck, I instantly knew God had/has other plans for me. See, by God sending this person to me, He's demonstrated how the struggles in that marriage had caused me (flesh) to not leave God but not give Him all of me. Yes, even in marriage, our first commitment is to be our individual relationship with God. When both seek His Will, the marriage automatically falls into place.my own heart and two eyes He gave me.
Its hard for me to keep clarity through this phone. I truly hope it makes sense. No worry. If God meant for you to see something here, then all made perfect sense to you. God Bless you. Prayer and learn His way through the meat...His Holy Word, you will see Him move in your life. He's always done it, you've simply not recognized it. I say that because I learned that with

Comment by Michael DeWees on December 18, 2010 at 9:54pm

Soldier -- I'm sorry to hear of your pain through this betrayal. You are right to lean on God during this time. May I ask why you are not seeking reconciliation?

Comment by Soldier on December 18, 2010 at 9:44pm

Hello Michael. It's an honor to meet you. I didn't going looking for any other posts or comments you may have placed elsewhere in AAG. I didn't want it to influence what God may have me place here. See,I'd "think " nothing happens by circumstances. Now, I KNOW that God plans, acts, moves with His perfect and specific intent. Friend, I lost 40 lbs, on medication and went to the doc more since July than I had in previous 10 years. I took my vows, as you, till death do us part. When she left, wow! What a well, you've been there.
Within a week of her leaving, a close pastor friend told me..."you can choose to seek the sinful comfort of the world or you can choose to follow God and let Him do His perfect work. I chose to follow God. Wow, it didn't stop there for by that decision, He led me to our Battalion Chaplain about 2 weeks later. As I was telling him of the recent events, he teared a bit, smiled and stated that I was describing the same events he had lived 10 years earlier.
The words he gave me is what God used to heal me. The Chaplain pointed out that in EVERY act of God's omnipotent Love, pain was always present. Moses, Abraham, and even Christ's crucifixion. Take a moment to read 1 Peter 5:6-11.
For me personally, I've learned that as painful as this was for me, God did exactly what that passage promises. By following God's will and giving Him ALL of the pain, guilt, despair, He will draw close to those who desire to draw close to Him through prayer and study of His word.
I will be filing my divorce in January. Yeah, she was unfaithful but I will not be filing as such. See, that's. ME casting judgment. I don't posess that authority, only God. End result, we are peaceful. I'm at peace with myself.
I must state. I'm not a pastor or hold any form of church position. I can't tell you how to feel, act, or what to say. I can only share what God has done for me since July. It may be a little "grammar challenged" as I wrote from a Droid phone.
Live that passage! God's Blessing will be rained down in ways your heart/mind could ever imagine. It is for me now! I'd say I'd pray for you. It'd be a fib. I prayed for you before I wrote.

Comment by Michael DeWees on December 18, 2010 at 7:55pm

Greetings Soldier -- I'm a man that God has convicted to stand for his covenant marriage despite the divorce that was forced upon me. It has been a year since God first spoke to my heart & gave me this call (which He has confirmed through godly counsel, as well as His direct intervention). This time of year is obviously challenging, & circumstances have come to light (covenant wife has 2-month "boyfriend") & I'm feeling weary - but God has made His expectation clear. All I want is to know & do His will.

Do you have any words of encouragement for me???

Comment by Soldier on December 12, 2010 at 9:57pm

Hello everybody. As I logged in, I had thoughts of leaving this group as God has been so faithful to me just as He said He would. As the site came up, I realized, I can't leave this site as God has provided me with a very unique testimony from coming where I was to where I am now.Not unique because It's some best selling novel or of the sort. Its because it is a testimony of what He will do in our most desperate times of need if one simply stops long enough to acknowledge how powerful, compassionaite, and comforting He is. Of all this ability, He stands ready to give it freely if one asks to receive it in faith.
I won't go into the testimony at this time. I feel God telling me to wait for the right person, whomever, wherever they may be, come into this site, searching for that ray of light to guide them, God will say "this is the one who needs to hear what I did for you". May God's richest blessings fall on you like the spring time rains. Amen.
You may be hurting. You may feel all alone. You may be asking what tomorrow brings. God is simply waiting to hear you ask. Ask Him now, then rest and rest well. He spoke the universe into existence, He is big enough to carry whatever burden you have, right here, right now!

Comment by Sherron on November 17, 2010 at 10:56am

My husband and I are in our 50s, been married for almost three years. He has borderline personality disorder and became physically abusive (as well as verbally/emotionally) after marriage but I truly thought my deep love for him would "cure" his insecurities. We met at an older singles group at church and I thought God had brought us together.....until the pain he was holding inside surfaced and has made me reclusive with him, confused, afraid of what might upset him constantly, and unable to focus properly on my work (most of which I do at home). We now also have great financial strain. After learning much about this devastating disorder, I have concluded he's not a person without a heart or conscience. He is in terrible torment every day, feeling lonely and empty inside and unable to view the world in a healthy way - probably from child abuse he went through. I decided we needed to separate six months ago hoping it would spur him to be serious about getting help. He tells me we have to be living together for that to happen. We've remained in contact almost daily - he's six hours away - and we've seen each other three long weekends. It's clear we love each other and hate being apart, but he can't control the feelings of possession/control/fear of abandonment that plague him when we're together, and has admitted he's afraid of hurting me during his "episodes." We've decided to divorce and it's devastating. I pray for his healing but he's in deep depression with no motivation to do other than the court-ordered one hour a week of counseling. The only way I can do this is to go to God with my tears and aching heart - and hope that one day my husband will seek God and others for help.

I am reading about so much pain from relationships on the Internet - here and on the site for those borderline personality disorder and loved ones. What did people do 50-100+ years ago with all the pain in marriage? Maybe they learned to live with it and ride it out?? Do we have too many distractions outside of marriage, too many people "helping"? Is it just too easy to drop and walk away from our commitments? I would be w/my husband if it weren't for the physical abuse - even though it was a difficult marriage. Not one person - Christian or nonChristian, encourages me to stay w/him and trust God for safety, so I have to believe I need to refuse his requests that we live in the same home again. Our families are pushing for divorce - for protection of me and him also (has been arrested once when neighbors called 911), and I understand all the concern, but he hasn't been unfaithful sexually. I wonder if we're doing what God would want by divorcing. His disorder is very difficult to treat and only now are there some success stories after a minimum of two years of DBT counseling. It sounds hopeless to me, and I know we've grieved God's heart.

Comment by Leo on November 4, 2010 at 5:53am

Thanks soldier. I've been feeling the same way. Talked to my wife and she told me she signed the final papers to finalize the divorce. She said she called to make sure I was ok. Honestly, I didn't see it as that. More like she wanted to justify what she was doing and feel better about it. It seemed like she was trying to provoke me to get upset or something. The whole thing ripped all those stitches that I thought were fixed all back open. These emotional highs and lows suck. Yet, I'm not going to let that get me down. I will continue to cling to God with all my strength. I don't know why I keep telling myself how big my problems are and then I remember who my God is, what He has done, and what He has yet to do. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzqTFNfeDnE

Oh fleshly heart indeed. Get out of the way!!!

Comment by Soldier on November 3, 2010 at 9:43pm

Why does the human heart have to be so dead gummed cautious? Why is it so difficult to simply open and accept what blessings God could be preparing us for?If we say that we are open to His will, why do we second guess those things that only He could have made happen?
Oh fleshly heart, just shut up and move out of the way! All you do is pump red and white blood cells. I need the Heart that God owns to take complete, uninterrupted, eyes wide open control!

Comment by Leo on October 19, 2010 at 4:04pm

Keeping you all in my prayers. I've been missing my wife lately and just need your prayers. I also started going to a program called Divorce Care. It has helped.

Comment by Ian M Wilks on October 16, 2010 at 10:08pm

Hi

My wife and I have been separated for over a year and I think it is now time to divorce. I think everything needs to be settled and our assets divided equitably. We have been married for 35 years but it has been going downhill for at least 20 years. We have two grown up children and I tried hard to keep the marriage going until the children grew up and left home. I'm not saying the breakdown is all my wife's fault. I know I have faults.

I'm hoping my re-discovered faith will help me be a much better person.

I would ask you to pray for me and ask God to guide me in this matter.

Many thanks.

God Bless

Ian

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