All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
What if I don't want to get married?
Thoughts, perspective?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by James on
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I can't relate to what you're saying. I'd rather have 20 broken marriages than no relationship at all. If you don't need a wife/girlfriend, then that's a fantastic thing, because it's not easy to find and maintain a relationship, and it's better for that not to be an issue/problem in your life. Perhaps it's not worth it to you, or perhaps God is allowing you to feel this way to spare you heartache that might kill or destroy you. At any rate, it's important to seek God's will for your life over whatever else you need.
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hi Brandan,
It sounds like you are hurting from a broken relationship. Give it time to heal.
Marriage is alot of work...but I would say it's worth. If we live according to God's outline of what marriage should be, there's really no reason why it would fail.
It sounds like right now you are recovering from being hurt.. My suggestion would be that you allow yourself a full recovery before even considering another realationship right now.
Marriage isn't for everyone.. But it is nice to be in a relationship that is build on trust, hard work, faithfulness, loyalty and devotion to one another. I've been with my husband now for 21 years. Many times it's hard... Many times one of us has wanted to leave. I've prayed through those times.
My marriage is particularly difficult because I devoted my life to the Lord AFTER we were married...so my husband is not yet a believer. But since I live according to what the Holy Spirit has said, my marriage has been saved. We've been through some pretty rough terrain...oh boy... But God hates divorce.... God has saved my marriage in ways that were quite a battlefield... but it was effective.
Don't write it off just yet.. allow yourself time to heal.
Blessings, Carla
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It's good when there is a choice, because not everyone has the option to be married.
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If I could make a bargain with *God* (not satan), I would seriously consider giving my soul up just to have that choice.
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Perhaps you're not seeing what I'm saying Chip. If a person is cripplingly disabled or disfigured then they aren't going to have any possible chance of ever getting married, perhaps even never having any real life friends at all. But yes, if a person is in a relationship, then they have a choice to get married as long as the other person is receptive to it.
Chip, if I had had the choice, I would have got married 10 or more years ago. But I never had that option/choice available to me. God never gave me that choice.
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They call that stuff fantasy/fiction for a reason you know. It generally does not happen that way, and I'm living proof that it doesn't.
It's more than just others being hung up on looks/abilities, but rather that I'm way too old to be found by someone now.
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To people like me, in my circumstances, it NEVER happens. If I were 10 years younger there would have been a *remote* (1%?) chance.
Personally I might as well be in the grave, because I've 100% missed out on the only part of my life worth anything. How many Christian parents would approve of their daughters marrying a guy no less than 20 or more years older than her? Would even God orchestrate such a union? I don't believe so.
The only guy I ever knew in "similar" circumstances to me to whom it happened to, was a Christian who got married at 35. The major difference is he had already known the girl for EIGHT years (since she was 11). Had he not known her, he would have been doomed for certain, and personally I have to wonder if that was a manipulation of sorts since his church was not one I trust. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt that God could have arranged it. However, how likely would it have been had he been 5 years older and the same girl was 24 and had either turned to drugs, become atheist, or married someone else? Probably most people marry before 25 anyway and she easily could have met someone else had she not known him first.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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My question is, why do people think that God arranges marriages and picks our mates for us and so forth?
I think He certainly has in specific situations, such as Jacob meeting Rachel, but is that the norm? Why do we get the idea that it is?
I married someone who was not a Christian. I was a Christian. Did God pick my husband for me, or did I? He became a Christian 5 years later, and I know God is all-knowing and yet, would God choose for me to live in sin by being unequally yoked for 5 years? I can't see it.
We have choices. God wants us to choose believers when we are believers but there's a whole lot of believers in the ocean (so to speak).
It's like that joke about the guy on the roof waiting for God to save him from the flood. We end up being alone...but in reality you have met so and so and so and so and so and so....
If you're a Jacob, fine, wait it out and God will help you find her...but what if you are a Solomon? He chose 700 wives and God permitted him to do it. But was it God leading him to them? He permitted him to marry them though. They led him into sin. We have choices. Our choices ought to be God-honoring. I believe He gives us great leniency in choosing a mate and He will bless a marriage that is in alignment with His will but that doesn't necessarily mean God chooses the exact person you are to marry for you and brings them to you.
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Age IS a deciding factor in my case. And you have no right to impose on me to consider marrying someone older when not even God would do such a thing to me. How would you feel if you were in a coma from age 13 for 25yrs and woke up, and told "oh, you'll just have to marry someone over 30". It's just not right. No one has the right to impose that restriction on someone.
I could not possibly have a meaningful romantic relationship with anyone over the age of 25, and 24 would be an *absolute* maximum (the person would probably have to be deaf+blind to be suitable for me if they were that old). I know even God knows this, so don't tell me to accept what cannot be accepted and what isn't right for me. It's not as if I didn't pray for a relationship 25yrs ago anyway, what value does a relationship with someone over 25 have to me? Absolute nothing.
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Well, Char, if you had been tortured for over 25 years, and never experienced life, never had relationships, would YOU accept someone over 25? You're not in my shoes. Were I to have found someone 13-22yrs ago, I wouldn't be in this mess, but God wasn't able to answer my prayers then any more than he's able to now.
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That's a matter of perception. He hasn't answered mine the past 25 years, so was he really able? You can say he "was" able, but if he never did, then you could also say that he was not because it was not in his plans or could not fit into them.
My will has already been aligned with his for 9yrs now, but I would rather go to hell than marry someone over 25, and I KNOW (with complete certainty) God does not intend a person like that for me, both because of my own needs which have never been fulfilled (and I don't mean sex), and from what I know God knows about me. As for take my hope up a notch, it already was until 4 years ago, but what chances do I have now? Absolutely none. I've never heard of anyone in circumstances like mine have their prayers be answered, nor is it even remotely conceivable.
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Yes, Amanda, I am pretty certain that God DOES "arrange" marriages and pick our mates for us, but only if we're patient and don't go running off with someone without God's approval. God will of course honour that decision but there will probably be consequences for that person's impatience and own decision. Obviously almost everyone is too impatient to wait for God's approval or for God to send them the right person, so no, Jacob meeting Rachel is definitely not the norm. Please note that in that instance, Jacob had a LOT of patience for someone that God approved of.
I agree you had a choice, Amanda, but some people do not. I didn't. I never had the opportunity to marry an atheist, but had I had that opportunity *before* I had committed my life to Christ, then I would have.
As for Solomon, I don't believe God was happy to him having all those "wives", I believe it was sin on Solomon's part.
Regarding your post Char, I have a need for someone of a certain age range, because I never had ANY (not 1) relationships from that time in my life. For me to never experience that, I would prefer to be thrown into the lake of fire. SERIOUSLY. It is not a "want", it's an *absolute* need. To me, people under 25 are more innocent, haven't experienced the world, and need guidance, and can look up to/love someone who will love them back in a way that no one over 25 could, simply because they're not embittered and corrupted by life. They will also be able to share experiences and part of their life that over 25's never can.
It's you who needs to think outside of the box, Char, NOT me. No other possibilities have value to me, and EVEN GOD knows that. I wouldn't say that if I wasn't aware of it.
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