UNFORGIVENESS-HOW MUCH CAN IT HAMPER OUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY?

Permalink Reply by LucyP on October 16, 2011 at 11:26pm

To me forgiveness is as important in my spiritual journey as love is. It is such a powerful thing, and frees us from the bondage of resentment and anger and bitterness..

It is as beneficial, if not more so, to us than to those we are forgiving.

Of course, it is something that only the Holy Spirit can help us with, and it may be that this might take some time.

That's His power, is will and how He changes our hearts.

Permalink Reply by LucyP on October 17, 2011 at 12:14am

Yes I think that is all we can do Nancy, and encourage the other person to pray also. And perhaps if appropriate, show how forgiveness has helped us in our own lives. Amen sis.

Permalink Reply by Bible-Talk on October 17, 2011 at 3:37am

Hi Nancy - great issue to bring up.

I have struggled with forgiving and at times still struggle with forgiving.

As Christians we have got to learn to keep on forgiving, not just other Christians but non Christians as well.

If we are to love even our enemies we are also expected to show them mercy:

" “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:32-36

I believe that the basis for forgiveness must be love - Gods love, the way in which He loves us - and that is something that I have to keep reminding myself continually. I find that forgiveness then is so much easier (both ways) and produces growth in the fruit of the Spirit (Gal.5:22-23).

Our prayers in a sense could become selfish:

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

I would try and help someone to understand how to forgive by working through scriptures with them showing Gods love, His mercy, kindness, patience and grace towards undeserving people - us. Love never fails.

It is also spiritually, emotionally and intellectually beneficial to forgive - to purge the heart and keep it pure/clean so that no bitter root may take hold and grow.

I too would appreciate advice on how others would help.

great post Nancy (*_*)

Permalink Reply by Bible-Talk on October 17, 2011 at 12:09pm

You have expressed it wonderfully Nancy and it is really refreshing to hear about the victories in your life. I am truly happy for you - especially knowing about some of what you went through. You have come a long way ..... and are going to go even further and higher! You are a great woman of God (*_*)

Permalink Reply by jennifer on October 18, 2011 at 2:44am

how do you truly start to forgive? how do I begin this journey?

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on October 18, 2011 at 12:48pm

Hi everyone,

Here is the way I view forgiveness. The day I got saved I learned for the first time that I was a sinner. Not having been raised in the Church, I had no concept whatsoever that I was a sinner. I thought sinners were really bad ppl like axe murders or bank robbers lol. Who me a sinner??? I thought, but I am a nice person who would never purposely hurt anyone. When the guy who witnessed to me explained salvation and how we were all separated from God due to our sins, but are forgiven when we are born again, that was the first time ever that I realized that I was a sinner and needed this great salvation. Boy did I ever have my eyes opened!!! So, the way I have felt about forgiveness from that day on is that if God forgave me my sins and gave me this new beautiful life and hope of eternity with Him, how could I ever deny forgiveness to those in my life who have sinned against me? Do you see what I mean?

So, I forgive ppl instantly as God forgave and continues to forgive me, but here's the thing I think most ppl don't get, even believers. I had to study the Word to understand what to do about ppl that had sinned against me and were continuing to sin against me. What God showed me is, I must forgive all of them as He has forgiven me my trespasses and sins against Him, but that doesn't mean I have to fellowship with them if they are unrepentant. It is upon them to ask forgiveness of me and walk the straight and narrow way as I do, if they want relationship with me. See that is a whole different thing. And to give them the gift of relationship with me prior to them acknowledging their sin, would be enabling them to keep sinning against me.

So, while my heart is in a state of total forgiveness towards them and I pray for them, I do not let them back into my life, sometimes in a limited way and other times depending on the situation not at all, until they face their sin.

I feel that those in my life who do not want Jesus and the sanctified life, can not walk closely with me if at all. Sadly, most of these ppl still don't choose Jesus and may not ever do so. I feel living for Jesus means being willing to lose even those we love the most. And I think this is why most are not willing to live for God. They won't go that far.

But what does God say in His Word? We must be willing to give Him our all, not just 40, 50 or 60%. To me living for Jesus means that even some of our closest family members and friends will not trust Christ, so we will never be one on this earth. And when the end of our lives comes, only those of us who put Jesus first will receive the reward of Heaven where we will no longer have any memory of our loved ones and friends who rejected Him. This is part of what I was shown when I had my out of body tunnel experience I have spoken about before at this group. So, this is what forgiveness means to me- we must not be door mats, but keep the door open, so to speak, if the one sinning against us wants to own his/her bad behavior and genuinely make things right between us, and this can only happen in a lasting way if the offender is submitted to Christ.

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on October 19, 2011 at 4:28pm

Hi sis!

Can you say that again about the apology part. I forgive by faith immediately. But I do not allow what I call relationship until there is an apology. If I do something to hurt someone unintentionally, I couldn't sleep at night until I apologized. If we sin against God He forgives us, but is waiting for our repentance to restore our right standing with Him. Probably I just don't understand what you are saying here, so help me understand ok : )

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on October 20, 2011 at 8:52am

First on the apology part, I did think you are saying that you don't expect someone who has wronged you to apologize to you, however, if you wronged someone you would apologize to them. So, could you please explain why you do not expect an apology? Like I said, I forgive ppl before they apologize to me, but I do not give them relationship until they make amends to me.

On the other part you are talking about where you apologized to someone who would not accept your apology and forgive you, I feel that is something they must own. Even if their perspective is that they still think you are wrong and they are not willing to work things through with you and come to state of communication and forgiveness, then you must let go, turn them over to God and accept that you can not walk as one with that person.

I have been in this position with ppl before who have no honesty to want truth and aren't interested in obeying God. They just want to control and be right and we know whose nature that is- their father the devil.

Sadly we can not be friends and walk as one with everyone, not even our own family members if they are disobedient to God and allowing the devil to control them like puppets. That is their choice and we are not responsible for their choice.

This always makes me sad, but I know the only thing I can do is forgive them, pray for them and accept that I can not share my life with an unbeliever and move on.

I have a favorite life saying I've adopted that comforts me at such times. It is "there are always more fish in the sea". I like this saying, because I've learned the sooner I let go and turn this person over to God, the sooner I will meet someone else on the road of life who will be a true friend.

If my family member or a person who was previously a friend rejects me or persecutes me, because I live for Christ and they don't, they must own their sin. A person who is a true believer loves everyone and would never engage in petty criticisms and arguments.

Sure there are times when two believers may see something differently, but God's ppl are loving and communicate. We are respectful in our disagreements and we honor God and each other by working things out. But two true believers will always agree on the main tenants of the Faith.

There are a lot of controlling, sick ppl in this world and we don't do them any favors by kissing up to them so we don't hurt their feelings. God set us free to walk in truth, not to be doormats.

Some call it Tough Love and that's better than being a doormat, but God says we are to speak the truth in love to one another and He said if someone in the church is causing problems, we are to confront that person one on one if they do something wrong to us and if that doesnt work, then we are to step it up and bring other believers into it as witnesses of what is going on and if that doesnt work then we are to bring this person before the whole church.

This doesn't happen much these days. It should because then so called believers who are acting like the devil wouldn't get away with things. Husbands who are mistreating their wife and children wouldn't get away with it. And I am speaking here of those who are supposed to be believers.

When it comes to unsaved ppl in our lives who wrong us or won't fairly work out differences, obviously that is a whole different situation then when its a fellow believer. But either way there are measures to take with both as I have stated.

So, the answer is the person who doesn't forgive and controls must own their own behavior- we are not responsible for them, we can only be responsible for oursleves.

And one final thing. As you said, you have known the Lord a relatively short time. This one is hard, but if you haven't realized it yet, you will encounter many who call themselves believers who will be the most treacherous of all. So, try not to be surprised when this happens, because it surely will, and just handle it the right way and you will not have to be hurt and impacted by a fraudulent believer's sin.

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on October 19, 2011 at 4:33pm

Yes we who have suffered abuse and have found healing for what we went through through God's wisdom are truly set free and can counsel others how to get set free. Praise the Lord forevermore who sets the abused free!

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on October 20, 2011 at 8:54am