All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Too much time/too little strength & worship alone
Hello everyone, I'm coming to you with a few burdens that I've been trying to prayerfully endure and was wondering what all your thoughts are on them, if I may ask.
Those of you who have spoken to me may know that I have had a condition known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis for over eight years. ME is a disabling condition that encompasses a swathe of physical symptoms with the two primary ones being constant, severe exhaustion and recurring pain of varying severities. There are days where I can't dress myself or prepare food, but there are also days where I can walk into town and back, and while it is extremely painful, exhausting and I tend to sleep for hours once I get home it can still be done, praise God. My health is very unpredictable even at the best of times.
Since I gave my life to Christ in October last year I have been battling with the same thing over and over and that is the capability to be able to serve the Lord. I have so much time and so little strength that I've ended up in tears on countless occasions out of frustration. I am doing my best to be patient as I have prayed for healing but I think the Lord wants to use my illness for His glory in some way.
Because of the unpredictable nature of the ME I don't know how I'll be one day to the next, any physical activity can cause a flare up (which is a dramatic worsening of symptoms that can last days or weeks) and while I no longer hold any fear of this happening, and while I want to push through the frustration and the exhaustion and the agony, the opportunities either aren't there or I just run out of steam.
I have the time, I have the desire but I don't have the capabilities. The little bits I'm doing right now are great but they are also exhausting and take everything out of me. One "major" task a day (which, even on my regular days, can simply be showering) does it for me and I struggle with anything else. I do my best to maintain myself and do any chores I've been asked to do/feel the need or compulsion to do but that's pretty much it. I spend the rest of my day on the computer just desperate for some fellowship and for some way to serve.
I've been trying to use my time online to serve God by showering my love for Him on my main website and also creating a second website where people can indirectly share their love for God through letter writing. I've joined various game sites with the hopes of spreading the Good News but really I end up frustrated again and feeling almost useless. I join games hoping to talk to people but end up not doing so, instead I earn my in-game currency, get a place put together for people to congregate and celebrate God but the audience isn't there. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough.
I believe in God and His promises, I believe that when I pray for healing He will hear me but I also believe that it will be on His schedule, not my own. My frustration is... what do I do until then? I just don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to waste my day away on games but I don't know where else to go or what to do. I want to work through this pain as I know all things are possible through God, I know that He will strengthen us and use us for His glory. I've prayed so many times for opportunities, advice and reassurance about what God wants of me and the strength and patience to endure it... I'll continue to pray but in the meantime I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do.
Physically, I am alone most of the time as my parents work and my sister leaves the house on a daily basis to do her own thing. When I am doing household chores I tend to be in prayer and song and when I am walking to and from town I always talk to the Lord, thanking Him and praising Him. I feel so close to the Lord today, I feel such a presence inside of me and it is so beautiful. My social skills aren't very good but with God that just doesn't matter.
I'm just so torn! It seems to be the way of the world right now: people either don't have enough time or they have too much and not the capability. I'd love to do more for God... I keep thinking about starting up a homeschool course that can be done online but it's expensive and I don't know how I'd cope with it, plus the simple matter of finding a course I can actually do and am interested in. Maybe that'd be the best next step. What'd I do for the Lord though? Educating myself is all well and good but I still can't get anywhere to be used for His glory! I want to be an obedient servant. Maybe I'm not patient enough... I'm really not certain.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Little sis:
God has brought you to a healthy Godly place, where you can bless many. You are blessing many already with your transparency.
Love and blessings to you.
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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You're an awesome young lady & my life has only been blessed by knowing you.
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Permalink Reply by Richard L. Broch, Sr. on
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Hello Sister Rachel,
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven. About six months, eh?........Fonchin' at the bit?....Can't wait to get goin"? Amen!
I imagine the Apostle Paul (formerly known as Saul) might have felt kind of like you do....after Jesus greeted him on the road to Damascus by striking him blind (Acts Chapter 9). Jesus told him in so many words that he'd be the primary mover & shaker in opening the church of Christ to the gentiles.
Wow! You would think Paul would have dashed into this assignment like a mad dog in a meat shop..........but, not really...........
If we check into Galatians, Chapters 1 and 2.......he talks about 3 years.....then 14 years..... hmmnn.
But when he did get movin' with the Holy Spirit's guidance and help, he turned the then known world upside down for Jesus.
Lookey here, Rachel......the Holy Spirit had to have time to prepare him for this mission first.
Maybe that's what going on in your situation. With your credentials and zeal, God might be preparing you for your
mission in this wicked world.
I would say - study God's Word inside and out. That's the blueprint to do the Lord's business.
Also, along with several others here at AAG, I am very impressed with you......and am praying for you.
Please keep us up-dated on what's going on in your life.
Grace and Peace.
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Sis,
You got it girl...........
Wishing you Grace and Peace from the Almighty and His Son.
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Permalink Reply by journeyman on
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My dear Sister Rachel,
A couple of years ago I had the honor of finding and becoming friends with a wonderful Sister named Sara Frankl. Sara suffered from a disease that attacked her immune system. This disease kept her from going out in public and confined her to her home 24/7. Sara hadn't always suffered from this disease. Before this she had been a writer for a magazine. I never knew her then. In fact I never met her. However, her love for Jesus and her desire to reach out to others is how I came to know her. She (Sara) loved to write. Gitzen Girl is how I "met" Sara. http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/ I think her blog was her ministry. I read her blog as many did as part of "DaySpring" . Her blog was warm and bright as she shared the good and the bad things about suffering from her "thorn". I would read her blog and comment to her about it. Soon we chatted on-line and became friends on Facebook as well. Many , many people began to read her blog from all over the place! She could not "get out" as we could. But, she didn't have too. She shared her heart with the world through her life and her little dog Riley. :-)
You can still read her blogs.......I guess what I am trying to say is this. There are many ways to "minister". Sara wrote for a couple of years. She shared happiness and sadness even when her Dad passed away. Then finally Sara lost her battle with the disease and went to be with her Dad in heaven. She moved so many hearts! She is loved still by me and so many others. She helped to change my life and others in the process.
Rachel as I have chatted with you and read your posts I know the fantastic gift God has given us in you! Open your heart to God and let him do a work "in" you. Your ministry may be as close as your living room. Remember that it is God working through us so with eyes, ears and heart you will flourish being his hands and feet even if they can't even leave the house.
your loving Brother in Christ,
Journeyman
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