Our church has been in revival and are on the 2nd week of it. Last night after going home, the Lord began to deal with me concerning sharing my testimony of faith. I wrestled with Him for hours (or so it seemed) saying, "Oh God, I am afraid to shed such truth of my innermost self." God revealed to me, that it was NOT about me, but about Him and where He brought me from, what He did for me. To share the testimony of God's never-ending love, mercy and grace upon His children.
So, here goes.
As a small child, I grew up in a home with alcoholism, adultery, pornography, mental abuse, hunger, and brokenness of home. As a teenager, I fell into every sin of lusts, alcohol, drugs and a don't care attitude...a don't care what happens to me. This lifestyle would lead me into a crowd of the wrong sort and land me in jail. That was a wake up call and for many years, I would live a normal, clean life, but completely without the Lord. After 2 failed marriages, I would fall again into the same lifestyle I had lived in my teens. Only this time it became worse. I would find myself addicted to alchohol, marijuana, meth-amphetamine and cocaine. Falling, ever falling into the depths of hell. I was on the road of destruction and headed straight to hell. Until, I felt the hand of the Lord reach down and touch me. God called me to come up out of that pit and to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. to repent and turn away from my sins. I took the leap of faith and God pulled me out of that miry pit of hell where I lay dying in my sins. ]
There was no 12 step program to get me off any of the things I was addicted to. All it took was saying, God, I need you. I want to live for you. Help me O God to lay all my sins aside. You might say, "it's not that easy". But, I tell you right now that if you are sincere and trust God, it IS that easy! I praise God for saving me and I confess I have no desire to go back to that lifestyle of sin.
Now I press ever forward to where God leads me.
I wrote a song last year about 6 months after being saved and one of the verses goes like this.
I am free
Free from the bonds of this world
I am free
Free by the blood of the Lord.
Here I stand Lord
Giving my all to you
Take my hand Lord
For I will follow you.
Another verse of a song by The Freemans comes to mind when I think of where God has brought me from.
When you fall to the bottom
Your choices are few
You can lay there in misery
Till guilt crushes you
But I sought for compassion
And mercy was sent
Now the grace I remember
The sins He forgets.
The grace I remember
The sins He forgets
I came to Jesus
With so much to confess
He poured out His mercy
As I knelt there and wept
Now, the grace I remember
The sins He forgets!
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