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TEENAGE PREGNANCY WITHIN THE CHURCH

HOW SHOULD A CHURCH HANDLE THIS, IS IT OKAY FOR A CHURCH TO ALLOW THE PARENTS OF THE TEEN TO HAVE A SHOWER AT THE CHURCH????? OVER 50% OF THIS CHURCH IS INFANTS ON UP TO ADULTS. TEENS HAVE BEEN CAUGHT IN ROOMS TOGETHER DURING GATHERINGS, ONE WAS CAUGHT, 13 YRS OLD , WITH A 19 YR OLD BOY ON THE PLAYGROUND KISSING LATE IN THE EVENING DURING A GATHERING.THERE HAVE BEEN SHOWERS GIVEN AT THE CHURCH FOR UNWED TEENS IN THE CONGREGATION. WITH ALL THE YOUNG CHILDREN, ISNT THIS SENDING A MESSAGE CONDONING TEEN PREGNANCY???? WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE IS THIS??? ONE IN 5TH GRADE ALREADY TOLD ONE OF THE TEACHERS SHE WANTED TO HAVE A BABY.THERE ARE MARRIED YOUNG PEOPLE SEPERATED FROM THEIR MATES BRINGING THEIR BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS TO CHURCH, INCLUDING THE PASTORS SON ENGAGED TO A GIRL THAT IS NOT DIVORCED. WHERE DOES THE CHURCH DRAW THE LINE. NO ONE SHOULD BE TURNED AWAY FROM GOD'S HOUSE, BUT HOW SHOULD THESE THINGS BE HANDLED. I KNOW IN TODAYS SOCIETY, EVEN CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARE HAVING SEX TOGETHER, THIS IS NOT RIGHT. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND IM NOIT CONDEMNING ANYONE. THE WORD SAYS TO ASK FORGIVENESS, REPENT AND SIN NO MORE. WE CAN'T PUT OURSELVES IN THE POSITION TO REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE. SO IN MY EYES THIS IS BLATANTLY SLAPPING GOD IN THE FACE. THE CHURCH SHOULD BE SETTING EXAMPLES NOT SENDING THE WRONG MESSAGE. I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERYONES IN PUT, THANK YOU

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Permalink Reply by Mischelle on February 17, 2014 at 3:29pm

Hi Kay,

I was one of those teenager's who was in church that got pregnant. They did have a baby shower for me in the church, however, the pastor's wife did not attend due to people within the congregation did not want her to attend. My response to what happened then and now is this; if the pastor's wife wanted to attend then it was her right to do so. I believe that we should set an example by teaching them right and wrong. But, I do not believe we should ever judge anyone. We also need to remember that Mary was a young teen, granted God was the one who used her to carry Jesus, but we do not see Jesus judging anyone except the "religious ones."

Just my thoughts.

Lord's blessings,

Mischelle

Permalink Reply by Miss Kitty on February 17, 2014 at 4:58pm

THANKS MISCHELLE, I AGREE, THESE KIDS NEED TO BE TAUGHT RIGHT FROM WRONG AND NOT JUDGED. MY QUESTION IS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO A ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILD WHEN THEY START ASKING QUESTIONS, SERIOUS QUESTIONS. YOUNG CHILDREN ARE VERY IMPRESSIONABLE, AND I WONDER WHAT THE ONES THAT UNDERSTAND ARE THINKING ABOUT THIS AND MARRIED PEOPLE BRINGING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS TO CHURCH, EVEN IF THEY ARE SEPERATED. I DONT FEEL THAT ANYONE SHOULD EVER BE TURNED AWAY FROM CHURCH OR JUDGED FOR THAT MATTER, BUT WHEN ADULTS ARE NOT DIVORCED AND HAVING AN AFFAIR , IM WONDERING HOW GOD IS LOOKING AT THIS. WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS IS, ARENT THESE YOUNG CHILDREN GOING TO BE CONFUSED???? THE LAST GIRL THAT WE HAD A SHOWER FOR, REINA WAS ASKING ALOT OF QUESTIONS, WHICH IM SURE OTHERS DID ALSO. SOME THINGS KIDS THIS AGE WOULDNT UNDERSTAND HOW BABIES ARE CONCEIVED. WHAT I DID TELL HER WAS THAT YOU SHOULD WAIT TIL GOD BRINGS YOU THE GODLY HUSBAND THAT HE HAS FOR YOU. THEN YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY. I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW A CHURCH SHOULD DEAL WITH LITTLE CHILDREN INVOLVED IN THE SHOWERS AND SEEING THE OTHER ALSO. I, PERSONALLY AM TRYING TO GUARD HER INNISCENTS. AND AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO EXPLAIN SOME OF THESE THINGS TO HER WHEN SHE ASKS. AND I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY PARENT THAT'S HAVING TO DEAL WITH THESE QUESTIONS. TEEN PREGNANCY IS A PROBLEM TODAY AND IN NO WAY SHOULD WE TURN OUR BACKS ON ANY YOUNG TEEN IN TROUBLE. ITS JUST SO DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN TO YOUNG CHILDREN, AND WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN THEY ASK, WHY IS THIS MAN OR WOMAN WITH THIS ONE AND NOT THE HUSBAND AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR KIDS ARE INOLVED. IT'S UST SO SAD. WE REALLY NEED TO INTERCEDE FOR THESE SITUUUATIONS. LOVE AND GOD BLESS KAY

Permalink Reply by Mischelle on February 17, 2014 at 5:22pm

Hi Kay,

I think this subject really does need further explaining and guidance.

MY QUESTION IS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO A ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILD WHEN THEY START ASKING QUESTIONS, SERIOUS QUESTIONS.

Personally, I think that if a child is old enough to ask questions they are old enough to handle answers that are appropriate to their age and mental capacity. Permit me to give an example, when my oldest son was 3 he asked what he had, I had already chosen what I wanted to call it, I used medical terminology. I have recently heard that medical terminology is best for all in case a child is molested. I only told my son what he had not what it was for. I am certain there are numerous books regarding how to answer children’s questions regarding this. I do suggest that they be taught by a family member who loves and cherishes them. I believe if we do not teach our children about things like this, that there is always someone else out there who is more than willing to teach them for us.

YOUNG CHILDREN ARE VERY IMPRESSIONABLE, AND I WONDER WHAT THE ONES THAT UNDERSTAND ARE THINKING ABOUT THIS AND MARRIED PEOPLE BRINGING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS TO CHURCH, EVEN IF THEY ARE SEPERATED.

I agree that young children are very impressionable, which is why I firmly believe we must teach our children age and mental appropriately the facts of life. With regards to adults who know better than behaving like this, they must be held accountable for their choices.

15 “If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[c] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17, NIV)

 

With regards to how God is looking at all of this, I personally think He is looking at the leadership within the church and thinking they know better than this.

WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS IS, ARENT THESE YOUNG CHILDREN GOING TO BE CONFUSED????

I believe that they will be confused but I also believe loving adults in their lives should be gently teaching them what is and what is not acceptable.

Love and prayers to you as well,

Mischelle

Permalink Reply by Carla on February 17, 2014 at 6:15pm

Kay,

This is a difficult topic for sure.  I just have a few thoughts.

First of all once a teen becomes pregnant, it is done.  Abortion is not an option.  I strongly believe that it is important to foster a loving atmosphere where provision and forgiveness is emphasized.  God's love forgives, provides, gives grace and redeems, and this teen needs to know that now.  Be extremely careful to stay connected emotionally and physically so that this teen won't turn to the 'world' but will know there is a safe refuge to be found in the church and therefore In Christ.

Secondly, the older women in the congregation need to stand up and teach the younger women.  Perhaps you could personally consider (pray about) taking on a ministry of educating and befriending the younger women in the church.  Develop a 'home church' group atmosphere so that they can be taught and shown properly how to live in a godly way.  Begin a ministry to teach the women so that this doesn't happen in the first place.  Perhaps God is leading you to that??

In final thought,  all women/girls need to know their worth and value as God's child and as His princess.  We don't find our worth or value from people --ever.  Our worth and value is found only In Christ and what He says about who we are.

God Bless you with wisdom and courage in this difficult situation,

Carla

Permalink Reply by Miss Kitty on February 17, 2014 at 6:51pm

THAN YOU SO MUCH LADIES, VERY DIFFICULT SUBJECT. I LOVE CHILDREN, TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS. I HAVE VOICED MY OPINION TO THE PASTOR AND OTHERS. THE LAST THING THESE GIRLS NEED IS A PUT-DOWN. BELEIVE ME, I KNOW, I WAS A 18 YR OLD PREGNANT. MY MOM WAS SO ASHAMED, NO SUPPORT, JUST PUT DOWN. MY EX WAS HAVING AN AFAIR WITH A MARRIED WOMAN. I HAD AN ABORTION AND ALMOST DIED. IF I HAD THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF MY MOM, I DONT FEEL I WOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION OR MARRIED THIS MAN. I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS CONTINUE TO HAPPEN. AS FAR AS MY 10 YR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER IS CONCERNED, SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THE ACT ITSELF THAT OCCURS AND THE CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR SAID THAT COGNITIVE PART OF THE BRAIN IS NOT DEVELOPED AND YOU DONT WANT TO FREAK THEM OUT. I KNOW WHEN IVE TRIED TO EXPLAIN SOMETHINGS, SHE'LL SAY STOP!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT, IM TALKING ABOUT HER BODY CHANGING ETC. SO HOWS SHE GOING TO UNDERSTAND SEX??? I DO MY BEST AT TEACHING HER, AS I HAVE 2 GROWN CHILDREN, BUT THIS IS SO DIFFICULT, AGAIN THANK YOU, LOVE AND BLESSINGS

Permalink Reply by David Samuel Milumba on February 18, 2014 at 12:46am

It is so sad that these things are happening right in the church and nothing is being done. Our God is the same yesterday to day and forever He never changes. What he said sin in the time of Moses still remains sin to day but man in his own way to condone sin we have come up with all kinds of excuses in order that he can enjoy sin. We are not teaching the truth in our churches, we have twisted the word, hence the result will be us being destroyed because we are opening avenues for the enemy to come in and when he comes is only to destroy, kill and rob. Sin is like a cancer where it is given room it will spread to the entire congregation. The sprite of fornication and adultery are so nasty they cannot be ignored or else they will destroy the entire church. These teens they have to be taught the truth that they are playing with fire and fire burns, it destroys, it will destroy their future, spiritual life in the end they will be bitter people without a future.

Permalink Reply by Tammy on February 18, 2014 at 11:24am

I don't think the church giving showers for these teens is sending the wrong message. I see it as showing the grace of God instead of His condemnation. I was that pregnant girl. I wasn't a teenager but I wasn't married either. The church gave me a shower which was humbling. I felt shame sitting there but yet none of those ladies chose to look down on me & my choices. Instead, they were showing me the love that Christ showed me the day He had forgiven me of those choices. There has to be a balance. If the pastor's son's girlfriend's husband committed adultery, he had severed that tie the minute he made his choices. Maybe she isn't legally divorced yet but if that is the case, she is spiritually divorced. The church should always have a balance & never be willing to back up from the Word. But the Word also has that balance of love, grace, mercy & forgiveness that we too must share. Now, if the teenager lives with the boyfriend or in cases like that, absolutely no you should not give the shower. But, if the child has repented, what would righteous judgement be?

Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 18, 2014 at 12:04pm
I believe this quote has been said by others on AAG before, but "The church is not a museum of saints, but a hospital for sinners."

Inside the walls are wounded, injured, hurting people. They are broken by one or more of a number of things -- their own sin, by the sins of others, by physical illness, by spiritual enemies, and even, at times, by God's discipline (for His children). 

I remember when I first started working in healthcare, I worked in a nursing home and several times I went into work to help take care of sick, disabled, and elderly people, when I, myself, was sick with a cold or felt very physically tired. It's like that at church, too. Some things are more obvious than other things but that doesn't mean those things that are out in the open, in the light, are worse than what's hidden. What isn't seen is likely much darker and much more incredible and it, too, needs exposing to the light. What I mean is, we are all injured and hurting, needing healing, but some are hurting worse at any given moment than others but we can only help what we know and see and what is in our awareness,

Yes, moral issues need addressing. Here is where the example of Christ is very enlightening. People are much more than their sin. In Scripture, He meets them where they are, often meeting spiritual and physical and emotional needs before rebuking or correcting, such as first sharing with them the Good News, healing their diseases, feeding them. 

Like the tired nurse working a long shift in a hospital ward, she knows that some are in much greater need at the moment than she is. She puts them first, getting them back on their feet first and out of critical danger, stabilizing them, and then later instructing them how to take better care of themselves, etc ...
Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 20, 2014 at 2:16pm

Another way of looking at this is does the church (a local church) view teen pregnancy as the ultimate sin and one once committed as reason to throw away the teen, or do we seek to reach them with the gospel and love even though they have sinned. If one followed that model we must then ask which sin causes us to throw someone away and which ones do we overlook.

If the primary purpose of a baby shower is to help the mother (and father) prepare for the care of the child, the child who is innocent in this, how can that be a bad thing. As far as how this affects the young ones I think it is important to educate them, as well as the teen in this case.

Permalink Reply by Miss Kitty on February 20, 2014 at 3:55pm

ABSOLUTELY NO ONE SHOULD BE TURNED AWAY FROM CHURCH!!! THESE TEENS NEED GUIDANCE, LOVE, AND INSTRUCTION. I DONT FEEL WE SHOULD THROW ANYOINE AWAY BECAIUSE THE Y AKE A MISTAKE. WE ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY PREGNANT GIRLS IN THE CONGRAGATION AND I UNDERSTND THEY NEED HELP. WHEN I SEE TEENS IN LINE AT A SOCIAL GATHERING ALL OVER EACH OTHER, BOY WITH HIS HAND ON THE GIRLS REAR, 13 YR OLD GIRL ON THE PLAYGROUND KISSING WITH A 19 YR OLD BOY, TEEN COUPLE UPSTAIRS ON THE COUCH IN THE DARK TOGETHER, PEOPLE NOT EVEN SEPERATED BRINGING THEIR LOVERS TO CHURCH FLAUNTING IT IN CHURCH, THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING WRONG HERE. AS IT WAS PUT, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HANG AN "A" AROUND HER NECK!!!! NO, IT'S TIME TO SPEAK THE WORD TO HER 1 ON 1! CHILDREN ARE VERY IMPRESSIONABLE, A CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR WAS GIVING ME SOME FACTS, THE COGNITIVE OR REASONING PART OF THE BRAIN IS NOT COMPLETELY DEVELOPED TIL 28 YRS OF AGE. A CHILD VIEWS AND PERCEIVES WAY DIFFERENT THAN AN ADULT. WHEN MY 10 YR OLD HAS DIFFICULTY WHEN IM TRYING TO EXPLAIN ABOUT HER LITTLE BODY CHANGING HOW DO YOU THINK SHE IS PERCEIVING THIS. EXAMPLE, WHY IS JANIE'S MOM WITH THAT MAN WHERE IS HER DADDY? REINA ASKED ME HOW DOES A GIRL AND BOY MAKE A BABY AFTER THE SHOWER? IF SHE HAS A HARD TIME WITH HER BODY CHANGING, SHE SURE ISNT READY FOR THAT ANSWER. THE PARENTS THINK SOCIAL EVENTS AND CHURCHIS A BABYSITTING SERVICE. THEY NEED TO TEACH THEM TO RESPECT GOD'S HOUSE. IVE BEEN TOLD, I CANT SAY ANYTHING, CAUSE I MADE THE SAME MISTAKE. TO ME, THAT IS EVEN MORE REASON TO EDUCATE THEM, DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I DID, RIGHTS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG, THERE ARE  CONSEQUENCES. LT, WHAT I SEE IS PEOPLE ARE TURNING A DEAF EAR TO WHAT GOD'S WORD IS SAYING AND IM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONDITION THINGS ARE IN. THE PARENTS SET THE EXAMPLE AND TEACH THEM, THE KIDS LOOK UP TO THE OLDER ONES, THE 13 YR OLD LIVES ACROSS THE STREET. I KNOW WHAT SHE'S BEEN EXPOSED TO AND HAVE BEEN WORKING WITH HER TROUBLED BROTHER. THIS IS SO SAD. THE CHURCH SHOULD BE A PLACE FOR THE HURTING AND A PLACE WHERE TEENS CAN FEEL LOVED AND ACCEPTED REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEYVE DONE, ADULTS TOO. BUT THESE LITTLE ONES NEED SHELTERING FROM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, THERE HAS TO BE A BALANCE. I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THEIR PERCEPTION IS NOT LIKE OURS AND IT IS AMAZING THE THINGS THAT WILL FREAK A CHILD OUT. IM 64 YRS OLD AND IM STILL LEARNING. I DO AS MUCH AS I CAN TO HELP THESE OLDER ONES. BUT IM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THESE LITTLE ONES ARE LOOKING AT THIS. I LOOK BACK RIGHT ON THROUGH MY TWENTIES, I CAN SEE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY YOU RATIONALIZE. PARENTS AND CHILDREN NEED TO BE EDUCATED, YOU NEVER GET TO OLD TO LEARN. THE LEADERS IN CHURCH NEED TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND REALLY PRAY FERVENTLY OVER THESE THINGS. AS I LOOK BACK I SEE HOW DESENSITIZED WE'VE BECOME AND I THINK ABOUT THESE LITTLE ONES, YES YOU NEED TO EDUCATE BUT SOME THINGS ARE OVER THERE LITTLE HEADS. IT'S GOTTEN TO THE POINT OF HOW DO YOU PROTECT THEIR INNOSCENSE? I BELEIVE WITH PERSISTANCE AND PRAYER THE ANSWERS WILL COME. HELP THEM BUT KEEP THE LITTLE ONES ACTIVE IN A DIFFERENT WAY. YES THEY ARE GOING TO SEE TEENS PREGNANT AND WITH CHILDREN BUT I BELEIVE WE CAN MAKE SOME CHANGES. I  ALSO BELEIVE THAT WE HAVE A REAL PROBLEM WITH THE EXAMPLES ADULTS ARE SETTING ALSO, THATS WHERE THE PASTOR, DEACONS CAN PRIVATELY AND LOVINGLY SPEAK GOD'S WORD TO THEM. IF THEY DIDNT GET EDUCATED WHEN GROWING UP IT'S THE CHURCH'S PLACE TO EDUCATE THEM TO SET THE EXAMPLE NOT ONLY TO THEIR OWN CHILDREN BUT THE CHILDREN IN THE CHURCH. THERE IS ALOT OF WORK TO BE DONE. THERE ARE ALOT OF INNOCENTBABIES COMING INTO THE WORLD WITH A PARENT OR PARENTS THAT REALLY NEED LOVE GUIDANCE AND SUPPORT. SORRY IF I DIDNT EXPLAIN BETTER IN THIS BLOG, BUT MY HEART IS HURTING ABOUT THIS. BLESS YOU

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 20, 2014 at 5:05pm

I understand all that you are saying and your concern. It really is up to the leadership of the church to set the example. There really is a way to share the love of Christ with someone without condoning the sin. Jesus did that in John 8. There is a second part to this that is often overlooked and that is are we dealing with a child of God who has fallen into sin or a child of the world who has not yet come to know Christ. The expectations are different depending on which side of the cross they exist.

I believe that it is important to always share the truth and yet understand that we must seek to speak in age relevant terms. Though the younger children will not understand the depth of things they can be taught the difference between what is good and bad according to God's Word in terms that they can understand up to the level. I am teaching 1st through 5th graders on Sunday nights walking them through the gospel of John only using the Bible as out text book. They really can understand a lot if we take the time and explain it.

Also, I would like to make clear that my comments were not meant to be a harsh response (if taken that way), but rather to give us something to think about regarding this topic.

Permalink Reply by Miss Kitty on February 20, 2014 at 6:24pm

AMEN!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH. DO NOT KNOW IF TWO OF THE GIRLS ARE SAVED OR NOT. ANYWAY THANKS ALOT. GOD BLESS KAY

 

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